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Sonic Boom
Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Worse-er (Transcript)

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This is a transcript from the Sonic Boom episode, "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Worse-er".

[Scene: Seaside Island coast, daytime.]

[The Tailsmobile races down the beach, followed by Sonic. Sonic catches up with Tails, they give each other a nod, and keep running. Behind them, the heavy foot of Vacuum Bot slams into the sand, and then its hose begins applying suction, attempting to sweep up Sonic and Tails. Doctor Eggman, in his Eggmobile, floats down.]
Eggman: You can't escape Vacuum Bot! He's gonna get you out of my hair once and for all!
Sonic: What hair? Your head is as bald as an egg, Egghead! [realization dawns on him] Oh. Now I understand.
[Sonic turns around and spin jumps into the air, coming down at Vacuum Bot. However, Vacuum Bot changes the orientation of his hose and catches Sonic in its suction. Sonic flails, but is sucked into the hose.]
Tails: [stops the Tailsmobile] No!
Eggman: Yeah! Oh, victory, you taste so sweet! Like candy! Evil candy! You know, the kind that has raisins hidden in the chocolate and you don't know it, so you think you bit into a fly. [confused] Where was I going with this?
[Loud clangs are suddenly heard from inside Vacuum Bot and it's knocked around a bit before it explodes. Eggman ducks to avoid a flying piece of Vacuum Bot, then looks disappointed.]
Sonic: Ta dah!
Tails: [runs up to Sonic] I never should have doubted you!
Eggman: I never should have gotten my hopes up.
Tails: Did you really think you could capture Sonic in that poorly-designed tin can?
Eggman: What would you know? You've never tried to capture Sonic! It's not as easy as it looks, you know!
[Sonic and Tails laugh as Eggman flies off.]
Sonic: [turns to Tails] Well, he was right about one thing.
Tails: Raisins are too much like flies to be used in food?
Sonic: Okay, two things. The other is that it's impossible to catch me.
Tails: Actually, he never said "impossible." He said "it's not easy." For him.
Sonic: Are you saying you think you could catch me?
Tails: Oh, I know I can catch you.
Sonic: Impossible!
Tails: You seem pretty confident. What say we make it interesting?
Sonic: I think the audience will appreciate that.
Tails: The loser has to sing a romantic song at Meh Burger Karaoke Night. [holds out his hand]
Sonic: [shakes Tails' hand] It's a bet!

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, daytime.]

[At Meh Burger, Team Sonic is seated around a table.]
Amy: What kind of crazy bet is that?
Sonic: We're just doing it to brush away the cobwebs.
Tails: I have no idea what that archaic expression means, but we're just doing it for fun!
Amy: This is gonna end badly.
Sonic: Why do you say that?
Amy: Because, Sonic, you can get a little... competitive.
Sonic: [scoffs]
Amy: No? Remember the time you and Knuckles competed to see who could put hats on the most monkeys?
[A flashback shows Sonic and Knuckles laying on Amy's house, panting. The house is a mess, and monkeys wearing party hats are all over the place. Back in the present, Sonic and Knuckles are laughing.]
Sonic: I don't remember them causing any real problems.
Knuckles: And they looked so festive!
Tails: This is just a good-natured competition between friends. One of whom happens to be a mechanical genius.
Sonic: And the other is awesomely cool and super-fast.
Knuckles: Which is which?
Amy: Sonic is fast and Tails is smart.
Knuckles: Right. ...Which one's "Tails" again?
Tails: May the best man win.
Sonic: Oh, I intend to.
[Sonic and Tails glare at each other for a while, then chuckle and relax.]

[Scene Change, Outside Sonic's Shack, daytime.]

[Tails puts a plate with a chili dog on it on an "X" made of seashells. He dusts off his hands. Sonic runs up, looks down at the plate, then up at the blatantly obvious bamboo cage hanging above, then over at the smirking Tails.]
Sonic: Seriously? That's the best you can do?
Tails: Try to get that chili dog.
[Sonic runs past, easily grabbing the chili dog as the bamboo cage falls harmlessly.]
Sonic: If you're not gonna take this seriously, I don't really see the point in--
[A hidden trapdoor in the sand suddenly opens, dropping Sonic inside. The trapdoor then closes.]
Tails: Way too easy!
[Sonic suddenly spins his way out of the trap, resulting in Tails getting caught under his own cage. Sonic lands on top of the cage, chili dog still in hand.]
Sonic: You sure you understand the bet? You're supposed to catch me, not you! C Minus.
[Sonic hops down from the cage, gives Tails a condescending pat on the head, and walks off. Tails looks annoyed.]

[Scene Change: Inside Sonic's Shack, daytime.]

[Sonic walks into his shack, but stops short.]
Sonic: Hmm...
[There's a chili dog on the table, with a rope snare leading outside on the floor in front of it.]
Sonic: Ha! Oh, Tails. I didn't fall for that the first time.
[Sonic runs around the table, elegantly jumps over the snare, grabs the chili dog, and lays on his hammock. Before he can take a bite of the chili dog, however, he hears a sound. The floor opens under his hammock, and a robotic hand reaches out and grabs it. The robotic hand pulls it back, then releases it, sling-shooting Sonic into a pipe slide that leads into a wooden cage, which swings shut.]
Tails: [on the roof] Ha! I knew my hammock slingshot pipe cage trap would work, despite its terrible name! [flies down, but sees the cage is empty] What the...?!
[Tails hears sarcastic clapping and looks up. It's Sonic, seated on top of the pipe slide.]
Sonic: Better! You caught me off guard for, like, a whole second. [jumps down, reaches through the bars, and grabs the chili dog, taking a bite out of it] The trap itself is kinda same-y, though. C Plus.
[Tails growls with frustration. Up above, one of Eggman's Spy Bots is watching the scene.]

[Scene Change: Dr. Eggman's Lair.]

Eggman: [watching Spy Bot's video feed] Really? Slingshot hammock? That is so first season!
Orbot: If I may, sir, although he's showing about the same success rate as you, he seems to be improving much more rapidly.
Eggman: That's just because he's had years of watching my--
Cubot: Failures?
Eggman: Practice runs! Wait... If that two-tailed goober did catch that spike headed goober, I could play that to my advantage.
Cubot: How, boss?
Eggman: By stealing Sonic from Tails once he's captured. Although I really don't like other people doing my work for me. [to Orbot] You! Bring my satellite tracking system online! [to Cubot] And you! Get the Eggmobile!
[Orbot and Cubot leave. Eggman goes back to watching.]

[Scene Change: Unnamed Village, daytime.]

[Tails is struggling to stack up some heavy barrels. Sonic and Knuckles walk up.]
Sonic: Don't tell me you're giving up on our bet already.
Tails: Not a chance! But I promised Zooey I'd stack these for her. Give me a hand, will you, Sonic?
Sonic: Sure, I... [stops short, suspicious] I could help, but what you really need is some serious muscle.
Knuckles: You mean me, right?
Sonic: Right.
[Knuckles walks over towards the barrels. Tails gets nervous.]
Tails: No, that's okay. [Knuckles picks up the barrel, and Tails with it] I don't want to trouble you! [Knuckles drops Tails off the barrel] You might get a splinter!
Knuckles: [drops the barrel into place, then leans against them] Piece of cake!
[The barrels suddenly pop into the air. Knuckles gets trapped in one, then a second one lands on his head, knocking him over and sending him rolling away]
Sonic: Looks like someone's on a "roll." Ha ha!
[Sonic gives Tails another condescending pat, then runs off. Tails glares after him, more annoyed than ever.]

[Scene Change: Canyon, daytime.]

[Sonic is walking with Amy through the canyon]
Sonic: So, then I says, "looks like someone's on a 'roll'." [laughs]
Amy: [sighs] Really?
Sonic: I'm clever that way.
[Tails is watching Sonic and Amy through binoculars. He pushes a button on a remote. Sonic and Amy stop as they hear rumbling. Four boulders, with devices on them, roll down towards Sonic and Amy. Sonic runs, with the boulders chasing him. Amy uses her hammer to avoid the boulders, but the chase ends with Amy trapped by the boulders. Sonic jumps up and lands in front of Tails.]
Sonic: Well, looks like your traps are getting... "boulder." Like a rock. You should probably set Amy free since you trapped her.
[Sonic gives Tails another condescending pat, then runs off. Tails angrily snaps his binoculars in half, throws the pieces on the floor, and stomps on them.]

[Scene Change: Canyon, daytime.] [Sonic is running through the canyon, easily running over a line of bear traps. Tails is watching this through his taped back together binoculars.]

Tails: [furious] That's it! No more holding back!
Sticks: [trapped by her hair in one of Tails' bear traps] Not bad. Beautiful craftsmanship.

[Scene Change: Frozen Lake, daytime.]

[Sonic runs past the lake, but stops, seeing Tails sitting out in the middle of it. He makes his way out to Tails, struggling to keep his balance on the ice.]
Sonic: Dude, what are you doing out here?
Tails: I was setting a trap, but gave up. Guess Eggman was right about me.
Sonic: Aww, don't feel bad. You were just outmatched.
Tails: Yeah. Well, might as well take the bait.
Sonic: I never let a chili dog go to waste.
[Sonic reaches for the chili dog, but it and the plate are sprung away. The plate lands on a tube, and rolls, hitting a weather vane. The spinning vane pulls a rubber rope until it snaps, causing a hammer to hit a bowling ball in a tube. The bowling ball rolls down the tube and lands in a cannon. The cannon fires, launching the bowling ball into the air. Sonic watches it, then realizes it's aiming for an X pained on the ice. He then looks back at Tails, who's sitting smugly in his chair.]
Sonic: Betrayed by the chili dog.
[The bowling ball impacts into the ice, causing it to crack and break apart. The chunk of ice Sonic is standing on begins to flip up, sending Sonic sliding towards the water.]
Sonic: [panicking] No-no-no-no-no! Can't swim! Can't swim! Can't swim!
Tails: Gotcha! A play to your ego, the old sympathy card, a touch of misdirection, and a little help from Mother Nature, and boom! One Sonic, caught!
[Sonic clings desperately to the ice as it flips vertical. Dr. Eggman arrives, laughing.]
Eggman: My plan was brilliant!
Tails: What plan?
Eggman: Tricking you into catching Sonic. You did the work, and I got the rodent!
Tails: Well, we won't let you have him! Right, guys? [looks around, sees he's alone] Guys? [realizes] Oh no! In my maniacal zeal, I left them all in the failed traps!
[Tails runs off to find the others, as Eggman laughs and Sonic continues to hang on for dear life.]

[Scene Change: Unnamed Village, daytime.]

[Knuckles is asleep, still trapped in the barrel. Tails pushes a button, which causes the barrel to burst apart, waking Knuckles up]
Knuckles: Oh, I'm glad you woke me. I was having that dream where I show up at school wearing pants.
Tails: Eggman has Sonic! And it's all my fault!
[Tails and Knuckles race off]

[Scene Change: Canyon, daytime.]

[Amy is still trapped between the boulders. A beeping is heard, and the boulders roll away, freeing Amy.]
Amy: [walks over, picking up her hammer] I told you this would go too far!
Tails: I know, and I'm sorry! You can lecture me later, but we've gotta save Sonic from Eggman!
Amy: I'll lecture you on the way. Kill two birds with one stone.
[Tails, Amy, and Knuckles run off. Sticks soon joins them, a bear trap still attached to her hair.]
Sticks: I got tired of waiting for you guys. What's up?
Tails: Eggman! Sonic in danger! My fault!
Sticks: This must be bad. You have no time for verbs! Let's go!
[The four of them rush to save Sonic]

[Scene Change: Frozen Lake, daytime.]

[Sonic is struggling to hang on as a swarm of Bee Bots attempt to blast him into the water.]
Eggman: I'm going to have to build quite the freezer to hold Sonic the Hedge-cicle!
Cubot: I don't know how to ride a Hedge-cycle.
Eggman: Not "cycle" like "bicycle," "cicle" like "icicle"!
Orbot: There's also "sickle" like "hammer and sickle." Perhaps a less confusing moniker is called for. May I suggest Hedge-cube, like "ice cube"?
Eggman: That's really more about the shape than it is about the cold. I'm gonna stick with "hedge-cicle."
[Amy leaps up, smashing one of the Bee Bots with her hammer. Sticks fires a slingshot, sending another Bee Bot spinning away.]
Eggman: This is your fault! You took so long criticizing my name for Sonic that his dingus friends had time to get here!
[Tails flies into the air and destroys the last Bee Bot with a kick. A piece of it hits the ice chunk Sonic's clinging too, breaking it in half. Sonic flails and panics.]
Sonic: Uh, guys? I know your intentions were good, but help!
Knuckles: Well, well, if it isn't Sonic the Hedge-cube.
[Orbot and Eggman look at each other. Knuckles lifts the chunk of ice out of the water. Sonic jumps down, landing on Knuckles' shoulders.]
Sonic: Knux, do me a solid and throw me at Egghead as hard as you can.
[Knuckles grabs Sonic, flinging him at Eggman. Sonic goes into a spin and slams into the Eggmobile, knocking it back.]
Eggman: I still get to claim victory! I had you! You were trapped for over a minute! I won!
Sonic: [lands on the ice] Aha, yeah! [slips a bit, but regains his balance]
Tails: Sorry things got out of hand.
Sonic: I guess I got a little over-competitive. Why didn't somebody warn me that could happen?
[Amy gives Sonic a displeased look.]
Sonic: [holds out a hand] No hard feelings?
Tails: [shakes the offered hand] No hard feelings.
Amy: [clears her throat] Aren't you forgetting you trapped all of us, too?
Sticks: I got a nifty hair accessory out of it, but still!
Tails: I'm sorry I trapped all of you, but it all worked out, right? I mean, I knew where you were, which made rallying you to save Sonic easier!
Amy: We all have communicators.
Tails: Can't we just put this behind us?
Sonic: Of course we can! [realizes] Oh, there's just one more thing...

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, nighttime.]

Tails: [singing on stage] You're the girl of my dreams. Please hold me tight!
Sonic: I'm beginning to think that I lost that bet.
Amy: Actually, you did.
Sonic: Don't tell Tails.
[The episode ends]
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