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Attack on Pinball Fortress

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This is the transcript for the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog episode, "Attack on Pinball Fortress".

[The episode begins with a view of a village as the title is shown in red letters. Inside the village, the camera moves over to two villagers who are sculpting pots out of clay.]

Villager #1: Someday, my friend, the evil Dr. Robotnik will be defeated forever! But until that day happens...

[Before Villager #1 can finish, he and Villager #2 get zapped by a ray and scream. They now have dumbfounded expressions on their faces.]

Villager #1: Duh, we get to play in the nice mud!

[Villager #1 laughs as he grabs the clay with both his hands and tosses it at Villager #2, whose face falls into his clay pot. Robotnik laughs evilly, and the camera moves up to him, Scratch, and Grounder. Robotnik and Scratch are dressed in camo pants, and they and Grounder are wearing ammunition sashes and headbands. Robotnik is holding the Stupidity Ray in his left hand.]

Dr. Robotnik: my new Stupidity Ray works perfectly! One zap from this baby, and the good citizens of Mobius are too stupid to resist me!

[The camera zooms in on Sonic, who is running towards the village.]

Robotnik: I see the ultimate test of my invention coming up now!

[Robotnik aims the Stupidity Ray at Sonic. A view through the crosshair is now shown as it is aimed at Sonic, who runs through the desert, with Tails flying above him. Tails pants heavily.]

Tails: Why are we in such a hurry, Sonic?
Sonic: Got the word that Doc Botnik and his bad egg bots are in the area, little bud, and you know what that means!

[Robotnik fires the Stupidity Ray at Sonic.]

Tails: Sure do, Sonic! It means...

[Sonic and Tails dodge the beam.]

Sonic and Tails: Trouble!
Robotnik: If I can just zap that high-speed hedgehog, the rest of the planet will be a piece of cake!

[Robotnik fires the Stupidity Ray at Sonic, but the beams keep missing him. He waves the Stupidity Ray back and forth a la John Rambo, but he still can't zap Sonic.]

Robotnik: Blast it, you turbo-charged troublemaker! Hold still!

[Scratch squawks in fear, and ducks to avoid the beam fired at him, leaving his bandana spinning counter-clockwise in mid-air. Robotnik turns his attention to him.]

Robotnik: Whoops!

[Stars spin around Scratch's head as Robotnik grabs his left shoulder with his right hand, and pulls him back and forth.]

Robotnik: Snap out of it, you clucking klutz! Uh, how are you feeling?

[Scratch squawks as he shakes his head.]

Scratch: Actually, I feel fine, your mightiness! Are you sure that thing's working?

[Robotnik runs up to Scratch.]

Robotnik: It's working fine! It just can't make you any stupider than you already are!

[Robotnik continues firing the Stupidity Ray at Sonic, but missing every time as Sonic runs through the village, towing Tails by his right hand with his left hand. In the village, Sergeant Doberman, who is holding a whip in his right arm, is with a soldier, who is holding a gun in his right arm.]

Sergeant Doberman: Fifty mile run through the swamp, Soldier! Move!
Soldier: Aw, gee, Sergeant Doberman!

[Sonic runs past Sgt. Doberman and the Solider, the former of whom turns his attention to him, and the latter of whom is zapped by the Stupidity Ray's beam. Sgt. Doberman stares in shock.]

Sgt. Doberman: What? Wha?
Soldier: Uh, duh, yes, Sir! Uh, great idea, Sir!

[The soldier laughs dumbfoundedly.]

Soldier: Uh, this'll be fun!

[The Soldier runs away as the camera zooms in on Sgt. Doberman, who has a surprised expression on his face.]

Sgt. Doberman: Hmmm.

[Robotnik continues firing the Stupidity Ray at Sonic, but misses every time. Wes Weasely is near a bookcase of encyclopedias, and a nerd is looking through one of them.]

Wes Weasely: Look, palley, you want these encyclopedias or not? They got Wes Weasely's personal guarantee!

[The nerd flips through the encyclopedia he is holding in both his hands, revealing all of the pages to be blank.]

Nerd: Uh, I don't think so! All the pages are blank!

[Weasely walks up to the Nerd.]

Weasely: Palley, palley, palley! You're a smart guy, right?

[Weasely puts his right hand on the Nerd's right shoulder.]

Weasely: You already know everything you need to know, right? These encyclopedias are perfect for you!

[The Nerd nods his head, "No".]

Nerd: I don't think so!
Weasely: Wait, wait, wait, wait!

[Weasely pulls the Nerd's shirt with his left hand, causing the Nerd to drop the encyclopedia.]

Weasely: Look, look!

[Weasely reaches into his coat with his right hand and pulls out a pair of golden toenal clippers.]

Weasely: I'll even throw in a set of genuine imitation gold-plated toenail clippers!
Nerd: Forget it! What do you think I am, stupid?

[Sonic runs past the nerd, who gets zapped by the Stupidity Ray's beam. The nerd screams, as does Weasely as he stares in shock. The Nerd laughs dumbfoundedly.]

Nerd: Wow!

[The Nerd continues laughing dumbfoundedly as he reaches into his pants with his left hand.]

Nerd: A blank encyclopedia!

[The Nerd pulls out a stack of money, and points his riht index finger at Weasely.]

Nerd: I'll take one! No! No! I'll take three! And a box!

[The nerd points his right index finger at Weasely's feet.]

Nerd: And... and your stinky socks! Heh! Yes! And anything else you've got for sale! Name your price!

[The Nerd laughs hysterically as he tosses his money into the air. The camera zooms in on Weasely as he stares in surprise, then smiles deviously. He then laughs deviously. Robotnik growls as he continues firing the Stupidity Ray at Sonic, and still missing.]

Tails: Whoa!

[Sonic runs into a stable.]

Sonic: Now it's time for a Sonic-style finish!

[Inside the stable, a Mule is eating hay. Sonic drops Tails as he runs up to the Mule, who whinnies. Sonic is now holding the Mule over his head with both his hands, and he sets it down on one end of the seesaw.]

Sonic: Now for a quick spring in the falls!

[Sonic spins up to an anvil tied to a rope. Sonic cuts the rope, and the Mule stares in shock as the anvil falls onto the other end of the seesaw, launching him into the air. The Mule whinnies as he flies through the air.]

Tails: I've heard of horse flies, but mule flies?

[Tails points his left index finger at the Mule. Sonic stops spinning, and calls out to Robotnik.]

Sonic: Hey, Doc! You're a lousy shot! Bet you can't even hit me when I'm standing still!

[Sonic crosses his arms and taps his left foot impatiently.]

Sonic: I'm waitin'!

[The camera zooms in on Robotnik, who is aiming the Stupidity Ray at Sonic.]

Robotnik: Your attitude is in for some adjustment, you hot-shot hedgehog!

[Grounder looks up at the Mule as it falls towards him, Robotnik, and Scratch.]

Grounder: Uh, your Maliciousness?

[As the Mule falls towards Robotnik, Scratch and Grounder, Robotnik turns his attention to Grounder.]

Robotnik: Don't bother me! I'm about to blast that blue bratnik!

[Scratch taps the Stupidity Ray with the fingers on his left hand.]

Robotnik: Leave me alone!

[Scratch squawks as Robotnik pushes him away with his right hand.]

Robotnik: I want to enjoy this! Yes!

[A view through the crosshair is shown as Robotnik aims the Stupidity Ray at Sonic. Scratch and Grounder sneak away.]

Robotnik: This is going to be...

[The Mule lands just behind Robotnik.]

Robotnik: A real kick!

[The Mule kicks Robotnik with both his hind legs, and Robotnik yells as he flies through the air. Scratch and Grounder stare in shock.]

Scratch and Grounder: Dr. Robotnik!

[Scratch and Grounder run down the road. Sonic and Tails jump into the air and high-five each other with their respective right and left hands as Sonic holds up his left thumb.]

Tails: Yay!
Sonic: All right!

[In the distance, Sgt. Doberman looks at Robotnik.]

Sgt. Doberman: Huh, the evil Robotnik has been defeated for the moment!

[The camera zooms in on the Stupidity Ray, which is behind the Mule.]

Sgt. Doberman: I see he has left behind his Stupidity Ray! Just what I need for creatin' my kind of soldiers! I must have it!

[Sgt. Doberman runs towards the Stupidity Ray. In the distance, Weasely laughs hysterically.]

Weasely: That little gizmo could really help my sales! I gotta have it!

[Weasely runs towards the Stupidity Ray. Both Sgt. Doberman and Weasely run towards the Stupidity Ray, and Sgt. Doberman pants heavily, then turns to face Weasely as he runs alongside him. The two pant heavily as they try to outrun each other, then they approach the hill where the Mule and the Stupidity Ray are. The Mule runs away as Sgt. Doberman and Weasely run into each other. They then fight each other over the Stupidity Ray in a cloud of dust.]

Sgt. Doberman: It's mine!
Weasely: It's mine! No, it isn't! Get away from me!
Sgt. Doberman: Give me that!
Weasely: It's mine, I saw it first!

[The Stupidity Ray flies out of the cloud of dust, and Sonic catches it in both his hands.]

Sonic: Were you boys lookin' for this, by any chance?

[Sgt. Doberman and Weasely poke their heads out of the dust cloud.]

Sgt. Doberman: Yes!

[Sgt. Doberman walks out of the dust cloud and points his right index finger at Sonic.]

Sgt. Doberman: I order you to turn over that device to me!

[Weasely walks out of the dust cloud.]

Weasely: Now, hold on there, palley!

[Weasely runs up to Sonic. He reaches into his coat with his right hand, pulls out a stack of money, and holds up his left index finger]

Weasely: I'll buy it, chum! Name your price!

[Sgt. Doberman grabs Weasely by his right shoulder with his left hand and pulls it away.]

Sgt. Doberman: Military security is more important than your petty cash, you pathetic peddler!

[Sgt. Doberman flinches as Weasely stares angrily at him.]

Weasely: Nothing's more important than money, you overgrown grunt-head!

[Weasely turns to face Sonic, and holds up his left index finger.]

Weasely: Tell you what, friend, I'll even throw in a set of blank encyclopedias!

[Sgt. Doberman grabs Weasely by his bowtie and neck with his respective right and left hands, and pulls him towards him.]

Sgt. Doberman: The stupidity ray goes to me!
Weasely: Yeah? Yeah, you and whose army, flat top?

[Weasely punches Sgt. Doberman's head with his right hand, and Sgt. Doberman growls at Weasely as the two fight each other again.]

Sgt. Doberman: Dirtbag! Pipsqueak! Moron! Civilian!
Weasely: You maggot!

[Sonic turns to face Tails.]

Tails: These two slow-mos are acting like they were hit by the ray already!

[Sonic turns to face Sgt. Doberman and Weasely.]

Sonic: Hey, you two turkeys! Check this out!

[Sonic sets the Stupidity Ray down, then runs away. He comes back, carrying a boulder over his head with both his hands. Sgt. Doberman and Weasely stop fighting each other.]

Weasely: Huh?
Sgt. Doberman: What?

[Sonic drops the boulder on the Stupidity Ray, destroying it. Sgt. Doberman and Weasely both scream and stare in shock, and Sonic dusts both his hands off.]

Sonic: That's better!

[Sonic puts his right hand on Sgt. Doberman's left shoulder, and his left hand on Weasely's right shoulder. He pushes them away from each other.]

Sonic: Now, you two fender-heads quit fighting and let's get back to concentrating on our planet's real problem!

[Sonic turns to face Sgt. Doberman and Weasely.]

Sonic: Dr. Robotnik!
Robotnik: You stupid hedgehog!

[Sonic, Tails, and Sgt. Doberman all turn to face a walkie-talkie, which Sonic picks up with his left hand.]

Sonic: Speak of the devil! What's up, lard-belly? Want me to settle your hash some more?

[A hologram of Robotnik's head appears.]

Robotnik: You may have smashed my stupidity ray, but I still remember how to build it! And this time, I won't mess around!

[A hologram of Robotnik's left hand appears, and it points its index finger at Sonic.]

Robotnik: I'm going to build a giant Stupidity Ray, one big enough to blacken the whole planet!

[Sgt. Doberman and Weasely turn to face each other and stare in delight.]

Robotnik: And when I do, I'll be able to conquer all of Mobius in a single blast!

[Robotnik laughs evilly, and Sonic stares angrily at him.]

Sonic: Just try it! I'll be all over you like chili on a hot dog!

[Tails points his right thumb at himself.]

Tails: And I'll be the mustard!
Robotnik: That's what you think!

[The camera zooms in on the hologram of Robotnik's head.]

Robotnik: Because I'm building this ray...

[The hologram of Robotnik's head transforms into a hologram of the Pinball Fortress.]

Robotnik: Inside my awesome, impenetrable new Pinball Fortress! Not even you can get past its dynamic defenses! By this time tomorrow...

[The hologram of the Pinball Fortress transforms back into a hologram of Robotnik's head.]

Robotnik: The entire planet will be under my control! Even you!

[Robotnik laughs evilly, and the hologram of his head disappears. Sonic angrily tosses the walkie-talkie onto the ground.]

Sonic: That evil egg-meister!
Tails: What are we gonna do, Sonic? Can we get inside the pinball fortress?
Sonic: Gonna be tough, little bud! I've seen the place!

[Sonic pounds his right fist against his left hand.]

Sonic: It's solid booby-trapped wall-to-wall!
Sgt. Doberman (thinking): Hmmm. A new stupidity ray!

[A thought balloon appears Sgt. Doberman's head, and the camera moves up to it. In it is an army of soldiers.]

Sgt. Doberman (thinking): I could create a whole planet of my kind of soldiers!
Weasely (thinking): Hmmm.

[A thought balloon appears above Weasely's head., and the camera moves up to it. In the thought balloon, the citizens of Mobius are paying Weasely in a large pile of cash, which Weasely plays in.]

Weasely (thinking): A new stupidity ray! I could create a whole planet of suckers! Ha ha!

[Sgt. Doberman holds up his left index finger as Weasely's thought balloon pops.]

Sgt. Doberman: I volunteer to join the mission! With my military experience, we will be certain to beat the pinball fortress!
Weasely: No, no!

[Weasely runs in front of Sgt. Doberman and holds his right hand over him. He points his left thumb at himself.]

Weasely: I volunteer! My company sold Robotnik most of the traps in the Pinball Fortress! I know how to get through!
Sgt. Doberman: Get lost, Snake Oil!

[Sgt. Doberman pushes Weasely aside with his left hand.]

Sgt. Doberman: We don't need you!

[Weasely runs back up to Sgt. Doberman and stares angrily at him.]

Weasely: What we don't need is thick-necked grunt-head!
Sgt. Doberman: Oh, yeah?
Weasely: Yeah!

[Sgt. Doberman and Weasely fight each other in a cloud of dust.]

Sgt. Doberman: You civilian!
Weasely: You think I can't do it? I don't like your haircut!

[Sonic and Tails duck to avoid a knife and some rocks flying over their heads. Tails ducks to avoid a fork and a toaster flying over his head.]

Tails: What do you think, Sonic?

[Sonic ducks to avoid a frying pan with an egg in it flying over his head.]

Sonic: I'd think that between Robotnik and these guys,

[Sonic points his right index finger at Sgt. Doberman and Weasely, then ducks to avoid a toilet flying over his head.]

Sonic: We're all in big trouble!

[Sgt. Doberman and Weasely continue growling as they fight each other in a cloud of dust. The screen fades to black. In the next scene, a view of the mountain the Pinball Fortress is on is shown, and the camera moves up to the Pinball Fortress. The camera then zooms out, revealing Sonic, who is dressed in a yellow sweater, an orange headband, and brown cleats, climbs up a boulder with a pickaxe he is holding in his left hand. He grunts as the climbs to the top of the boulder. He then taps his right foot impatiently.]

Sonic: I'm waiting!

[Sgt. Doberman pants heavily as he climbs to the top of the boulder. When he reaches the top, he groans and falls over. Weasely pants heavily as he climbs to the top of the boulder. Weasely now has a canteen on his left shoulder. He grabs his hat with his right hand and fans himself with it.]

Weasely: Couldn't... couldn't we have waited for the... the local's tour bus?

[Sgt. Doberman stands up.]

Sgt. Doberman: They don't have one!

[Weasely puts his hat back on his head.]

Weasely: They don't?

[Weasely reaches into his bag with his right hand and pulls out a book. He writes in it with a pencil he is holding in his left hand.]

Weasely: Remind me to sell em' one!

[Weasely tosses the book aside.]

Weasely: See the impenetrable Pinball Fortress! Visit the fearsome toxic pools! Dine on malicious booby traps! Heh! I'd make a fortune!

[Sonic waves his right hand like a stop sign at Weasely.]

Sonic: You won't have a chance unless we get in there and beat Doc Botnik's evil plans!

[Weasely jumps as Sgt. Doberman holds up his left index finger.]

Sgt. Doberman: Now that we're in sight of our goal, I, as rankin' military officer, will take command of this mission! From this point, we will take the south pass road to the fortress!

[Sonic pushes Sgt. Doberman aside with both his hands.]

Sonic: Back off, bur-head! I'm still callin' the shots here!

[As Sonic points his left thumb at himself, steam emits from Sgt. Doberman's ears.]

Sonic: And I say it's time to check in with our eye in the sky, the high-flyin' Tails!

[Sonic reaches behind his back with his right hand and pulls out a walkie-talkie.]

Sonic: What's the sitch, little bud?

[Tails is looking through a pair of binoculars he is holding in both his hands. A view through the binoculars is now shown as they focus on the pinball fortress. Tails pulls out a walkie-talkie with his right hand.]

Tails: Looks tough, Sonic! There's some sort of breakdown blocking the south pass road!

[A view through the binoculars is shown again, revealing the south pass road to be blocked off by various vehicles. As Sonic listens in on Tails, Sgt. Doberman taps his right foot impatiently.]

Tails: Better go some other way!
Sonic: That's a ten-four, little buddy! What's the scoop on our intended target?

[Tails flies up to a window, and looks through his binoculars. A view through the binoculars is now shown, and it moves over to Robotnik, Scratch, and Grounder, the latter of whom are building the giant stupidity ray with a wrench the former is holding in his right hand, and a hammer the latter has in place of his right drill.]

Tails: Oh, no! Robotnik and his blockheads have almost completed the giant stupidity ray!
Sonic: Then we're gonna speed, keed!

[Sonic puts his walkie-talkie behind his back, then signals Sgt. Doberman and Weasely with his left hand.]

Sonic: Gotta blow, bros! No time to lose!

[Weasely walks towards the Pinball Fortress.]

Weasely: But how are we gonna get over there? The whole landscape is loaded with my company's finest grab em' and grind em' booby traps!

[Sonic removes his backpack with both his hands, then opens it.]

Sonic: We ain't gonna be boobies, that's how!

[Sonic pulls out a bat with his left hand and ball of rope with his right.]

Sonic: We're gonna take the skyway!

[Sonic runs up to a boulder and ties the rope onto it. He then runs up to Weasely and hands him the ball of rope. Sonic then walks up to Weasely and hands him the bat.]

Sonic: Bet you can't hit it that far!

[Sgt. Doberman takes the bat with his right hand.]

Sonic: Are you kiddin'? Watch this!

[Sonic turns to face Weasely.]

Sonic: Play ball!
Weasely: Here's the pitch!

[Weasely tosses the ball of rope with his left hand and tosses it at Sgt. Doberman, who growls as he hits it with the bat. The ball of rope unwinds as it heads towards the Pinball Fortress. Sonic holds up his left index finger.]

Sonic: And here's the runner! He's up, over, and gone!

[Sonic runs across the rope as the ball continues to unwind.]

Sonic: And the fielder's headin' for the wall! He leaps!

[Sonic lands outside the Pinball Fortress.]

Sonic: He's got it!

[As the ball of rope lands near the Pinball Fortress, Sonic now has a catcher's mitt on his left hand. The ball of rope lands in it.]

Sonic: An incredible catch, ladies and germs!

[Sonic runs away, and ties the other end of the rope onto a pipe. He then runs up to the entrance of the Pinball Fortress and holds up his left index finger.]

Sonic: Now, to bring in the side...

[Sonic whistles into his left index finger, then signals Sgt. Doberman and Weasely with his left hand.]

Sonic: Come on, you slow-mos!

[The camera moves over to Sgt. Doberman and Weasely, both of whom are standing atop the boulder. Sgt. Doberman is holding a zipline handle in his right hand, and puts it on the rope.]

Sgt. Doberman: Sorry, Snake Oil! Only room for one on this ride! Guess we'll have to capture the Stupidity Ray without you!

[Sgt. Doberman rides the zipline, then Weasely gears up to run.]

Weasely: Oh, no you don't!

[Weasely jumps towards Sgt. Doberman, and holds onto his backpack with his right hand.]

Weasely: You're not gettin' that ray without me!

[Sgt. Doberman kicks Weasely with his left foot.]

Sgt. Doberman: Let go of me, you greedy galoot!

[Weasely grumbles, then grabs Sgt. Doberman's pants with his right hand, pulling them down and exposing his boxer shorts with bullets on them. Sgt. Doberman looks at the camera in embarrassment. He and Weasely growl as Sgt. Doberman tries to pull his pants back up with his left hand. He then grabs Weasely's pants with the same hand, and pulls them off, revealing green boxers with dollar signs underneath.]

Weasely: You can't take that from me!
Sgt. Doberman: Civilian moron!

[When Sgt. Doberman and Weasely reach the other side of the zipline, they fight each other in a cloud of dust.]

Sonic: Great, guys! Oh, just great! Nice heroic entrance!

[Sonic pulls out his walkie-talkie with his left hand.]

Sonic: Do you read, keed? What's the scoop?

[Tails is now holding his walkie-talkie in his left hand and his binoculars in his right hand, and the camera zooms in on him as he looks through his binoculars.]

Tails: I got just one word for you guys!
Sonic: Oh, yeah? What's that?

[Tails stares in shock.]

Tails: Duck!

[A view through Tails' binoculars is shown. Robotnik is now holding a missile launcher in his left hand and fires it. Sonic, Sergeant Doberman, and Weasely all stare in shock and scream as the missiles fly towards them. They run away just in time as the missiles hit the ground and explode. As Sgt. Doberman and Weasely duck and cover, Sonic stands up and dusts off his right arm with his left hand. He then runs towards the entrace, leaving his sweater and headband behind. Sgt. Doberman follows him, and Sonic stops in front of the front door, tapping his right foot impatiently as Sgt. Doberman and Weasely walk up to him. He turns to face the front door.]

Sonic: Hmmm. We've gotta get through this door!

[Weasely points his left index finger at the door.]

Weasely: Hmmm. That's The H.D.S.V.A.D.L. Monolith Series Seven Door! Solid Steel, unpickable lock, absolutely unbreakable! Take hours to cut through!

[Robotnik fires more missiles, and Sonic turns to face them.]

Sonic: Uh-oh!

[Sonic ducks to avoid the missiles, which land behind him and explode.]

Sonic: We don't have hours!

[Weasely reaches into his bag with his left hand and pulls out his canteen.]

Weasely: Ah! Well, then, in that case, there is a tiny, tiny flaw the company doesn't like to talk about!

[Weasely squirts brown liquid from the canteen at the front door, causing it to rust and crumble.]

Weasely: It does have a slight rust problem!

[Another missile flies towards Sonic, who ducks as it explodes behind him. Sonic runs through the front door.]

Sonic: Let's go, slow-mos!

[Sgt. Doberman and Weasely follow Sonic through the front door. The camera moves up to Robotnik.]

Robotnik: Blast! They've gotten inside! But no matter!

[Robotnik runs inside, then unp to his control panel. He pulls a lever back with his right hand.]

Robotnik: They'll never get past Boss Scorpion!

[Sonic, Sgt. Doberman, and Weasely grunt as they bounce of the bumpers, and various sound effects from the Super Mario Bros. game can be heard. Sonic, who is no longer wearing his spiky cleats, screeches to a halt when he comes across a pair of pinball flippers.]

Sonic: Gotta time this just right, or it's bumper city!

[Sgt. Doberman runs past Sonic.]

Sgt. Doberman: Out of my way!

[Sonic holds up both his hands like stop signs.]

Sonic: Wait!

[Sgt. Doberman grunts as the flippers push him back, and Sonic and Weasely stare in shock at him.]

Sgt. Doberman: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

[Sgt. Doberman flies into Sonic and Weasely, knocking them about and against the bumpers. More sound effects from Super Mario Bros. can be heard as Sonic, Sgt. Doberman, and Weasely bump against the bumpers and fall down the hole under a sign that says, TILT. They all scream again as they land on a platform in the Toxic Pools, which floats up to a ledge. Sgt. Doberman points his left index finger at a door.]

Sgt. Doberman: Look!

[The door opens, and Boss Scorpion crawls out. Boss Scorpion's eyes are revealed to be TV screens, which turn on, revealing Robotnik's face in them. Robotnik laughs evilly. At the top of the Pinball Fortress, Robotnik is revealed to be operating a control panel.]

Robotnik: Thought you could invade the mighty Pinball Fortress, did you?

[The camera moves to the right side of the screen, where Scratch is shaking Grounder's right drill with his right hand, while patting his head with his left hand.]

Robotnik: Well, now you shall pay the price!

[Scratch turns to face Robotnik.]

Scratch: Let em' have it, your incredibleness! Bwahahaha!
Grounder: Yeah!

[Grounder chuckles.]

Grounder: Cook their gooses!

[Robotnik turns to face Scratch and Grounder, and points his right index finger at the screen.]

Robotnik: Geese, you idiot!

[Grounder flinches in fear.]

Grounder: What?

[Scratch and Grounder flinch in fear.]

Robtonik: Never mind, just get back to work on the Stupidity Cannon!

[Scratch and Grounder walk away as Robotnik turns to face the screen.]

Robotnik: In the meantime, I'm going to barbecue that hedgehog!

[Robotnik laughs evilly as the camera zooms out on Boss Scorpion, then moves down to Sonic, Sgt. Doberman, and Weasely.]

Robotnik: You're doomed now!

[Sgt. Doberman, who is not wearing his helmet, is holding a bandana in both his hands and ties it around his head.]

Sgt. Doberman:

[Sgt. Doberman pulls out a gun with his right hand. Sonic waves his right index finger around his head, and Weasely waves his left index finger around his head.]

Sonic and Weasely: Oooh, macho!

[Sgt. Doberman yells as he fires his gun at Boss Scorpion, but he soon runs out of bullets. he then blows the smoke off his gun. A cloud of dust clears, revealing Boss Scorpion to be unharmed. Boss Scorpion pinches its claws.]

Robotnik: If you're quite done...
Sgt. Doberman: Hmmm.

[Sgt. Doberman tosses his gun aside.]

Sgt. Doberman: Well, I'm open to suggestions!
Robotnik: Prepare to be exterminated!
Sgt. Doberman: That wasn't the suggestion I had in mind!

[Boss Scorpion spins its tail, and Robotnik pulls the levers back and forth with both his hands. Sonic, Weasely, and Sgt. Doberman all stare blankly, then Sonic holds up his right index finger.]

Sonic: Then let me make one!

[Sonic points his right thumb at himself.]

Sonic: But I warn you, it's a cutting remark!

[Sonic spins, and Robotnik stares in confusion as Sonic runs towards Boss Scorpion as it pinches its claws, then fires a laser from its tail. Sonic dodges the laser, then as Boss Scorpion fires another laser, Sonic runs around it, causing the ground around it to crack apart. Sonic runs back to Sgt. Doberman and Weasely. ]

Robotnik: Very showy, but you never touched my Scorpion! Now are you finished?

[Sonic points his right index finger at Robotnik.]

Sonic: No, but your metal monstrosity is! Look!

[The ground around Boss Scorpion cracks apart. Robotnik watches from the monitor in his lair as Boss Scorpion sinks into the lava.] Robotnik: What? No! [Boss Scorpion tries to swim its way out of the lava with its left arm, but to no avail. Robotnik growls angrily, then Sonic signals Sgt. Doberman and Weasely with his left arm.]

Sonic: Come on!

[Sonic, Sgt. Doberman, and Weasely hop across the platforms. Robotnik stares angrily at his control panel as sparks emit from it.]

Robotnik: Blast! They defeated my Scorpion!

[Robotnik rubs both his hand together.]

Robotnik: But no matter, because soon, they'll all be in the power of Dr. Robotnik, along with the rest of the planet! have you finished the Stupidity Cannon yet?

[The camera moves up to Scratch and Grounder, both of whom are standing atop the Stupidity Cannon. Scratch is holding a wrench in his left hand, as is Grounder.]

Scratch: I just finished it, your vileness!
Grounder: Oh, you did not! I did!

[Robotnik shakes his head angrily.]

Robotnik: Never mind! Just point it at that door!

[Robotnik points his right index finger at the door.]

Robotnik: And when I say "Shoot", you fire!
Scratch and Grounder: Yes, Sir!

[Scratch and Grounder salute themselves with the wrenches in their right hands, which hit them on the head.]

Scratch and Grounder: Ow-how!
Robotnik: So, my little blue friend, you think you're so smart!

[The camera cuts to a view of a pair of doors, which is under a sign that says, Control Room.]

'Robotnik: But as soon as you come through that door, you're going to be stupid! Stupid enough to even become my slave!

[Robotnik laughs evilly. Sonic knocks on the doors, and Robotnik stares in confusion.]

Robotnik: Please, come in!

[The doors open, and Sonic is revealed to be on the other side.]

Sonic: Dr. Robotnik, Sir?

[Robotnik stares in confusion, then gets a devious grin.]

Robotnik: You!
Sonic: Yes, Sir! Just wanted to surrender, Sir.
Robotnik: What?!

[sonic walks up to Robotnik.]

Sonic: Yep, you win! I give up! Sorry for all the trouble I caused you!

[Sonic reaches behind his back with his right hand and pulls out a present.]

Sonic: Here's a small treat to, you know, kinda express my feelings!
Robotnik: A treat? How sweet!

[Sonic hands Robotnik the present.]

Robotnik: Perhaps, due to your change of heart, I'll exterminate you somewhat painlessly! Uh, what kind of treat is it?

[Sonic points his left index finger at Robotnik.]

Sonic: My favorite kind!

[Robotnik opens the present with his left hand, and Sgt. Doberman and Weasely scream as they fly out of it.]

Sonic: A trick! Gotcha!

[Sgt. Doberman is holding Robotnik's left arm with both his hands, and Weasely is holding Robotnik's right arm with both his hands. Robotnik growls angrily, and Sonic points his left index finger at him.]

Sonic: And now we can destroy your stupidity ray once and for all!
Sgt. Doberman: No!

[Sgt. Doberman kicks Robotnik down with his right foot. He then reaches behind his back with his right hand and pulls out his gun.]

Sgt. Doberman: The Stupidity Ray is mine! It will allow me to create the most obedient army in the world!
Weasely: No!

[Weasely kicks Robotnik down with his right foot, then pulls out his gun with his right hand.]

Weasely: That Stupidity Ray is mine! It will allow me to become the most successful salesman in the world!
Robotnik: No!
Sonic: Oh, brother! Here we go again!

[Robotnik points his left thumb at himself.]

Robotnik: The stupidity ray is mine! I built it and you can't have it! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!
Weasely: Okay, whatever!

[Sgt. Doberman holds up his left index finger.]

Sgt. Doberman: Then we blast you first!

[Weasley and Sgt. Doberman aim their guns at Robotnik. The Stupidity Cannon is also aimed at Robotnik.]

Robotnik: Oh, shoot!

[Scratch holds his right hand up to his right ear.]

Scratch: What was that, your hideousness?
Robotnik: I said, "Shoot", you dim-bot!

[Robotnik stares in shock upon realizing he is about to be zapped.]

Robotnik: Uh-oh!

[Scratch presses the button on the control panel with his left index finger, and Robotnik screams as the stupidity cannon zaps him.]

Scratch: Uh-oh!
Grounder: You okay, Dr. Robotnik!

[Stars spin around Robotnik's head as he acts dumbfounded.]

Robotnik (in a dumbfounded tone): I'm fine!

[Robotnik turns to face a lever on a machine.]

Robotnik (in a dumbfounded tone): Oooh! Oooh, pretty handle!

[Robotnik pulls the lever with his right hand, activating the self-destruct mechanism that fills the room with smoke and causes an alarm to go off. Grounder gasps.]

Grounder: He pulled the destruct lever!
Scratch: Let's get out of here!

[Scratch and Grounder run away, as do Sonic, Sgt. Doberman, and Weasely, the latter two of whom leave their guns behind. Robotnik stays behind, and Weasely runs up to him.]

Weasely: You realize this voids your warranty!

[the Toxic Pools below begin to rumble, and the lava erupts. Scratch and Grounder scream as the lava launches the Pinball Fortress into the air. Robotnik laughs dumbfoundedly.]

Tails: Uh-oh!

[Tails flies towards the Pinball Fortress.]

Sonic: Time to jump ship, mates!

[Sonic, Sgt. Doberman, and Weasely all jump out. They all scream as they fall, with Sonic holding onto Weasely's pulled-down pants with both his hands, and weasely holding onto Sgt. Doberman's pulled-down pants with both his hands. Tails flies down to them, and grunts as he holds Sgt. Doberman by his bandana with his right hand.]

Tails: You realize I can't hold you?

[Sonic, Tails, Sgt. Doberman, and Weasely all scream as they fall. They all land in a lake. They all poke their heads out of it and watch as Scratch and Grounder scream as the Pinball fortress flies into the distance and lands with an explosion. Sonic, Tails, Sgt. Doberman, and Weasely all walk out of the lake.]

Sonic: Well, that takes care of the Stupidity Ray! Sorry, you two!
Sgt. Doberman: Ah, well! The best soldiers are smart ones anyway!
Weasely: Yeah, and having a whole planet of suckers, it would take all the fun out of my job!

[Sonic shakes Weasely's right hand with his right hand. He then turns to face Sgt. Doberman and shakes his right hand with his right hand.]

Sonic: Well, thanks for the help anyway! We made quite a team!
Sgt. Doberman: We sure did!
Weasely: Sure did!
Sonic, Sgt. Doberman, and Weasely: Not!

[Sonic, Tails, Sgt. Doberman, and Weasely all laugh as the camera moves to the right side of the screen, until it reaches the smoke from the impact site. Robotnik laughs dumbfoundedly.]

Robotnik (in a dumbfounded tone): Let's do that again!
Scratch and Grounder: No! Don't touch that lever!

[Robotnik touches the lever again, and Scratch and Grounder scream as the Pinball Fortress explodes again.]

Robotnik (in a dumbfounded tone): Oh, I think I hate that hedgehog, but i don't know for sure!

[Robotnik laughs dumbfoundedly as the screen irises out on the smoke from the impact site, ending the episode.]

Sonic Says

[Inside the Pinball Fortress, Robotnik, Scratch and Grounder are looking at the stupidity ray, which is sitting on a table.]

Robotnik: At last, my new Stupidity Ray gun is finished! Oh, shoot!

[Robotnik screams and stares in shock as the Stupidity Ray fires a beam. He ducks to avoid it, but it reflects off a mirror and zaps him.]

Robotnik: D'oh!

[Robotnik screams, then makes a dumbfounded noise.]

Grounder: Uh-oh!
Scratch: Oo-hoo-oops!

[Sonic runs in, holding up the fingers on his right hand.]

Sonic: You know, pals, there's three ways not to stupid; One, Stay in school, Two, Stay in school, Three, Don't forget One and Two!
Transcripts