FANDOM


<< Previous episode

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog
Coachnik

Next episode >>

This is the transcript for the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog episode, "Coachnik".

Note: Scenes that were cut from certain reruns are highlighted in red.

[The episode begins in the desert. Sonic runs along the road as Tails flies behind him.]

Tails: Sonic, I hardly ever get to help you with Scratch and Grounder!
Sonic: Hey, next time you can help!
Tails: Really? Great!
Sonic: Course', that won't probably be for a long time!

[Sonic and Tails run up to a rock formation. Scratch is standing on the right side, carrying a flamethrower in both his hands, and Grounder is carrying a hose attached to a barrel that says, CRUDE OiL in his left arm.]

Scratch: He's coming! Now, don't do it too soon! Listen for my count! I'll say "One, two, three," and then "Go"!
Grounder: That's when I pump out an oil slick, and he loses traction, right?
Scratch: Right! And while he's skidding, I'll deep-fry him with this!

[Scratch raises his flamethrower and fires it.]

Scratch: Ready? One, two,

[Sonic and Tails approach Scratch and Grounder.]

Scratch: Three!

[Grounder does nothing.]

Scratch: Grounder, three! Three!
Grounder: You're supposed to say "Go"!
Scratch: D'oh, no, you dunce-bot! I say "Three", then you go, oh, forget it! Go! Go!

[Sonic and Tails run past Scratch and Grounder.]

Scratch: Hey!

[Grounder turns to face scratch and sprays him with the hose.]

Scratch: Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

[Scratch torches Grounder with the flamethrower.]

Grounder: Yikes!

[The flames from Scratch's flamethrower torch the barrel of crude oil. Sonic and Tails run to the other side of the rock formation and watch as the barrel of crude oil explodes. Sonic chuckles.]

Sonic: When they perfect their timing, they'll be the greatest comedy team on Mobius!

[Sonic looks over at Tails and notices that he looks unhappy.]

Sonic: Aw, Tails! I'm sorry, bro! Force of habit, I swear! Next time, you'll have a lot to do!

[Sonic holds up his right thumb.]

Tails: Yeah, I bet.

[The camera cuts to a view outside Robotnik's fortress.]

Dr. Robotnik: I knew it!

[The camera cuts to a view inside Robotnik's fortress, where Robotnik is at a workbench reassembling Grounder with a screwdriver he is holding in his left hand. Scratch is on another workbench, wiping the crude oil off himself with a rag he is holding in his right hand.]

Robotnik: I knew you tin-heads would find a way to slip up!
Scratch: It was Grounder's fault! You know I'd never slip up!

[Scratch's beak falls off.]

Grounder: Scratch said to go when he said "Go", then the whole plan just sort of... blew up in our faces!

[Robotnik is holding a hammer in his left hand, which he hammers Grounder's body with.]

Robotnik: You insolent junk pile! My plan was foolproof! Too bad it wasn't moron-proof!

[Scratch picks up his beak with both his hands and puts it back on his face.]

Scratch: "Well, we did our best! Whoa-ho!

[Both Scratch's arms fall off. Robotnik is now holding Grounder's head in both his hands and puts it back on Grounder's body.]

Robotnik: True, depressing but true.

[Grounder groans.]

Robotnik: So the solution is to improve your dismal abilities!

[Robotnik walks away as Grounder scratches the back of his head with his left drill. In the next scene, Scratch and Grounder are now standing off the workbench as Scratch puts his left arm back on with his right.]

Grounder: W-what do you mean "improve our abilities"?

[Scratch squawks as he falls to pieces. Robotnik is standing near his Robo-Matic machine as he puts sports-related items he is holding in his left arm with his right hand.]

Robotnik: I combine playbooks, game films, strategies,

[The Robo-Matic closes its jaws, then re-opens them as Robotnik picks up a bag labelled, SAND and pours it into the machine.]

Robotnik: Plenty of grit...

[Robotnik drops the bag into the machine, which closes its jaws, then re-opens them as he picks up a roll of steel cables with his right hand.]

Robotnik: Nerves of steel...

[Robotnik drops the steel cables in the machine, which closes its jaws. It reopens them as he picks up a giant ham with both his hands.]

Robotnik: And 300 pounds of ham!

[The camera cuts to a view of Scratch and Grounder, who watch as Robotnik drops the ham into the machine.]

Scratch: W-what kind of robot are you making?

[As Robotnik talks to Scratch and Grounder, the lights on his Robo-Matic Machine flash.]

Robotnik: What you two need is training, discipline, in short, Coaching!

[Robotnik walks to the other side of the machine.]

Scratch: You don't mean...
Robotnik: I do! Robots, prepare to meet...

[Coachnik emerges from the machine, then turns to face Scratch and Grounder.]

Robotnik: The Coachnik!

[Coachnik's eyes flash, then he pounds his right fist into his left hand. He walks up to Scratch and Grounder.]

Coachnik: Let's not waste any more time, men! I'm here to tell you why your game is going down the tubes, and what you gotta do about it!

[Scratch and Grounder squawk in shock as Coachnik punches his left fist into the Robo-Matic machine. Coachnik then looks over at Robotnik.]

Coachnik: Oh, sorry, Doc.

[Coachnik walks away. Robotnik smiles evilly as he holds up his left hand.]

Scratch: We don't need coaching!
Grounder: Nope, whatever it is, we don't need it!

[Coachnik leans his head at Scratch and Grounder, who both squawk in shock.]

Coachnik: I'll whip you into shape! Turn you into lean, mean, chasing machines who eat hedgehogs for breakfast!
Scratch: Gee, uh, that sounds great! If only I didn't have a tune-up appointment!

[Scratch chuckles nervously.]

Grounder: You know, uh, next week would be better. Uh, I kinda pulled a tread and...

[Grounder points his right drill at his right tread. A whistle emerges from Coachnik's chest and moves up to his mouth. He blows it, and Scratch and Grounder stare in shock, and their teeth break. Coachnik's whistle lowers back into his chest, and Coachnik walks up to Scratch and Grounder.]

Coachnik: I got some films I want you to see!

[Coachnik picks up Scratch in his right arm, and Grounder in his left, and carries them away. Robotnik follows behind him.]

Robotnik: I like his style! We're gonna win, baby, win!

[Coachnik and Robotnik walk into Robotnik's private theater. Scratch and Grounder groan as Coachnik sets them down in two seats. Coachnik walks up to the projection screen and opens his chest compartment, revealing a movie camera inside. The camera plays a film of Scratch and Grounder's past performances.] Coachnik: These films are the property of the Robotnik training wing, and any other use is strictly prohibited! [In the film, Scratch and Grounder are at a canyon as the former is rolling a rock into a big pile of rocks held back by trap doors.]

Scratch: Hey, look, Ha ha! It's me and Grounder! I think I remember this plan!

[Sonic runs along the path at the bottom of the canyon. Scratch pulls on the rope that opens the trap door with both his hands, and Grounder pulls on his body with both his drills. Scratch squawks as the trap doors open, causing an avalanche of rocks to slide down the mountain. Sonic stops and looks up. He runs away, then comes back, wearing a construction helmet and a tool belt as he carries a roll of sheet metal in both his hands. He runs away, then comes back, carrying a pair of wood planks in both his hands. He runs away again, then comes back, carrying a shorter plank of wood in his left arm and a tool box in his right hand. As the rocks continue sliding down the mountain, Sonic hammers in a nail with a hammer he is holding in his right hand. He has built a ramp, which launches the rocks into the air. The rocks fly towards Scratch and Grounder.]

Coachnik: Okay, halt the action!

[Coachnik pauses the video just before the rocks land on Scratch and Grounder, who flinch in fear. He is now holding a pencil in his right hand, and draws two X's; one above Scratch, and one above Grounder, then he draws four O's near the rocks.]

Coachnik: You see what happened? You X's lost track of the O, cause of all the other O's.
Scratch and Grounder: Oh!

[Coachnik resumes the film. In it, the rocks land on Scratch and Grounder, both of whom scream in pain. Scratch points his right index finger at the film as he turns to face Grounder.]

Scratch: You should have been ready for that!
Grounder: Me? What about you?
Coachnik: Heads up!

[In the next film, a view of the Statue of Liberty, whose tablet has the word, SONIC engraved in it is shown as the camera zooms in on it.]

Coachnik: Here's another play that really went south on us!

[Inside the Statue of Liberty, Sonic runs up the spiral staircase. The camera moves down it as Scratch and Grounder follow behind him.]

Grounder: Scratch, I'm getting dizzy!
Scratch: Shut up! We got him cornered now!

[Sonic reaches the top of the staircase and overhears Scratch and Grounder. In the background are two Mobians, one short, round and green, and one tall with red hair and a red mustache. They are both holding cameras. Sonic grabs the end of the staircase with both his hands and stretches it out. He watches as Scratch and Grounder run past him. He waves his left hand at them, and they run outside the Statue of Liberty and off the edge of the staircase.]

Grounder: Are we almost at the top?

[Scratch looks down.]

Scratch: No, we're almost to... the bottom!

[Scratch and Grounder scream as they fall down.]

Robotnik: I can't believe they fell for the old Statue of Liberty play!

[Scratch and Grounder watch as they hit the ground in the film. The camera stops.]

Robotnik: I've seen enough. Now I know these nitwits will never catch Sonic!

[Coachnik puts his left hand on Scratch's back and his right on Grounder's back.]

Coachnik: These boys have potential, Dr. Robotnik. They just need to get in shape! Right men?

[Coachnik pulls Scratch and Grounder towards him. Scratch and Grounder groan in pain. The screen fades to black, then to a view of the valley as Sonic runs through it, with Tails following behind him.]

Tails: It's been a week since we've seen Scratch and Grounder. Where do you spose' they are?

[Sonic and Tails run onto the road in the distance, and stop outside a stadium. Robotnik's fortress can be seen in the distance.]

Sonic: I heard someone saw em' here, at the old stadium!
Tails: Doing what? No one's used this place since Robotnik built his fortress on the hill!
Sonic: Kinda makes you wanna take a look, doesn't it?
Tails: You mean it? I get to spy on him?
Sonic: That's what teammates are for! Just be careful, will ya?
Tails: Aren't I always?

[Tails flies above the stadium. Below, he sees Scratch and Grounder, both of whom are wearing brown shirts with Black Letter R's with Robotnik's mustache on them and doing jumping jacks.]

Scratch and Grounder: One, two, three, a thousand nine! One, two, three, a thousand ten!
Tails: Huh?
Scratch and Grounder (wearily): One, two, three, a thousand eleven!
Coconuts: Hey, hey, hey!
Scratch: Whoa-ho!

[Coconuts, who is wearing a brown shirt with a black letter R with Robotnik's mustache on it, runs in.]

Coconuts: Where's this Coachnik guy? If you can make his team, so can I!

[Scratch squawks in fear.]

Scratch: Coconuts, be smart! You don't want to be a part of this!

[Coachnik blows his whistle, and Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts all jump into the air as sparks emit from them. Coachnik walks up to them.]

Coachnik: All right, rookie. What makes you think you can catch the hedgehog?

[Tails flies down and lands next to Sonic.]

Tails: You ready for this, Sonic? They got a coach! They're in training!
Sonic: For what?
Coconuts: For this!

[Coconuts screams as he runs past Sonic and Tails. He turns around and charges at Sonic, who jumps over him just in time. Coconuts runs into the wall and explodes. Sonic and Tails flinch as the screen rumbles.]

Sonic: For that he had to train?

[Coconuts is trapped under a pillar as the stadium crumbles. Scratch and Grounder run out as the former points his left index finger at Sonic.]

Scratch: It's Sonic! Get him!

[Scratch and Grounder run in place as Sonic and Tails turn to face them. They run away as Scratch and Grounder chase after them.]

Sonic: We lose em' yet?
Tails: Uh-uh, they're gaining!
Sonic: Oh, they are, are they!

[Sonic and Tails run onto a set of train tracks outside a tunnel. They stop just outside the tunnel.]

Sonic: Rats! The perfect spot to do the old "paint a tunnel on the cliff" gag, only there is a tunnel!

[Tails whispers into Sonic's left ear.]

Tails (whispering): Hey, Sonic, this is what we do!

[Tails whispers unintelligibly.]

Sonic: Hey, good thinking, Tails!

[Sonic runs away, then comes back, holding a brush in his right hand, a giant piece of wallpaper in his right hand, and a bucket of paint in his left hand. He sets the bucket down as he places the piece of wallpaper over the tunnel and dips his paintbrush into the bucket, which he is now holding in his left hand again. He paints the piece of wallpaper to make it look like there isn't a tunnel. Sonic and Tails then run into the tunnel as Scratch and Grounder run up to the train tracks and stop outside the tunnel. They turn around and look for Sonic and Tails.]

Scratch: Now, where'd they go?

[The sound of a train whistle can be heard.]

Grounder: Scratch, what's that?
Scratch: Sounds like a train, but it couldn't be!

[Scratch and Grounder grunt as the train whistles again. Scratch and Grounder turn around, and the train tears through the wallpaper and flattens them. Sonic and Tails, both of whom are holding a hankerchief in their right hands, are standing on the end of the caboose. The screen fades to black, then to the next scene, where a view outside the stadium is shown. Robotnik taps his right foot impatiently as Coconuts a flattened Scratch, and Coachnik, who is carrying a box with Grounder's pieces in it with both his hands, all walk up to them.]

Robotnik: I see that Sonic did some training of his own!
Coachnik: Don't worry, Doc, it's early in the season. We learned a lot from this match up! We'll be ready next time!

[The camera moves down to Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts, all of whom mumble unintelligibly.]

Coconuts: Next time?
Robotnik: "Next time", my foot!

[Robotnik walks away angrily as Coconuts, Scratch, Grounder, and Coachnik all stare at him. The screen transitions to a view of the Robo-Matic machine, which the camera zooms out on, revealing a large pile of explosives in front of it. Robotnik walks up to it, carrying a grenade in each hand. He tosses them into the machine.]

Robotnik: Hand grenades,

[Robotnik picks up a bomb in each hand and puts them in the machine.]

Robotnik: Bombs,

[Robotnik picks up a barrel of gunpowder with both his hands and puts it in the machine.]

Robotnik: TNT,

[Robotnik picks up a bottle of Nitroglycerin with both his hands and puts them in the machine.]

Robotnik: Nitroglycerin,

[Robotnik picks up a stick of dynamite in each hand.]

Robotnik: Plastic, dynamite,

[Robotnik puts the dynamite in the machine. He then holds three cherry bombs in his right hand.]

Robotnik: Cherry bombs,

[Robotnik picks up a missile with both his hands.]

Missile: T-minus 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0!
Robotnik: Every kind of explosive there is!

[Robotnik picks up a can of FIS SODA with his left hand and sighs happily. He shakes the can and puts it in the machine. He then presses the button, which starts the machine up, and walks to the back of the machine.]

Robotnik: All condensed into one compact, incredibly powerful package.

[The back doors of the machine open, and the Long Bomb, an explosive shaped like a football, is carried out on the conveyor belt.]

Robotnik: The Long Bomb!

[Robotnik sighs happily as he picks up the Long Bomb with both his hands. He then opens the top with his right hand and pulls out a single explosive bearing.]

Robotnik: Let's just see how powerful this is!

[The camera cuts to a close-up of the bearing, which a light shines off of. Robotnik walks up to an open window and flicks the bearing off his right thumb. He flinches as it explodes and the screen rumbles. He looks over and sees the bearing has destroyed part of his brick wall. He turns away from the window and holds up the long bomb in his left hand.]

Robotnik: Now, that's what I call powerful! Those robots don't have to catch Sonic now, just get this bomb within five miles of him!

[The camera zooms in on the Long Bomb as Robotnik laughs evilly. The screen fades to black, then to an overhead view of the stadium. The camera zooms in on the entrance, which Robotnik, who is holding the long bomb in his right arm, runs through. The camera then focuses on Robotnik as he runs through the stadium.]

Robotnik: All I have to do is sneak the long bomb into one of the robots! Sonic will never know what hit him!

[The camera moves over to Coconuts, who runs into Robotnik. They both grunt as they hit each other, causing Robotnik to launch the Long Bomb into the air. Robotnik yells, then chases after the long bomb. He grunts as he catches it with both his hands just before it hits the ground, only to land in a mud puddle.]

Robotnik: Phew!

[Coconuts and Coachnik, both of whom are holding rags in their right hands, walk up to Robotnik, who turns to face them.]

Robotnik: Coachnik!

[Coachnik grabs Robotnik with his left hand and pulls him out of the mud. Robotnik growls as Coconuts and Coachnik wipe the mud off him with their rags.]

Coconuts: Y-y-y-y-you okay, Dr. Robotnik?

[Coachnik points his right index finger at the long bomb.]

Coachnik: Hey, what's that?

[Robotnik covers the long bomb with his right hand.]

Robotnik: Mind your own business! And what is this banana-brain doing here?
Coachnik: The kid showed a lot of moxy today, Dr. Robotnik, but he needs weight training!

[Coconuts points his left thumb at himself.]

Coconuts: Who, me?

[Coachnik pushes Coconuts away with both his hands as the camera zooms in on him.]

Coachnik: Start pumpin' iron, kid!

[Coachnik points his right thumb behind himself, then walks up to Robotnik and puts his right hand on his back.]

Coachnik: Come on, Dr. Robotnik, let him do his stuff!

[Robotnik and Coachnik walk away together. The camera cuts to a view of Coconuts at the weight bench and zooms in on him as he picks up a weight with both his hands and puts it on one end of the barbell.]

Coconuts: Okay, if this is what it takes to cream Sonic, I'll do it!

[Coconuts lies down on the bench and grabs the barbell with both his hands. He grunts as he lifts it as Sonic walks in, disguised as a muscular hedgehog, walks in.]

Sonic (in a faux Schwarzenegger accent): All right, I am the assistant weight coach. I am here to pump up your muscles!

[Sonic points his left index finger at Coconuts.]

Coconuts: Coachnik didn't tell me...

[Sonic walks up to Coconuts, and before Coconuts can finish, Sonic interrupts him and points his left index finger at him.]

Sonic (in a faux Schwarzenegger accent): What kind of girly workout is this? If you want to be strong, you have to use a lot more weight!

[Coconuts grunts as he struggles to hold up the barbell. Sonic runs away, then comes back, putting more weights on the barbell, making it heavier.]

Coconuts: I don't think I can lift...

[Coconuts cannot hold up the heavy barbell any longer, and it falls on him.]

Coconuts: Oof!

[Coconuts grunts as he struggles to lift the heavy barbell. He lowers it down as Sonic holds up his left index finger.]

Sonic (in a faux Schwarzenegger accent): I'll be back.

[Sonic runs away, and Coconuts grunts as he struggles to lift the heavy weight. Sonic returns and puts a boulder on each end of the barbell.]

Sonic (in a faux Schwarzenegger accent): Remember,

[Sonic runs away, and Coconuts continues grunting as he struggles to hold up the heavy barbell. Sonic comes back and puts a refrigerator on each boulder on each end of the barbell, then runs away again. The weight of the combined items causes the bench to break and fall. Coconuts continues grunting as he struggles to hold up the heavy objects.]

Sonic (in a faux Schwarzenegger accent): No gain, no pain!

[Coconuts screams as Sonic comes back and puts a tractor atop the rest of the heavy objects. He then runs away again.]

Sonic (in a faux Schwarzenegger accent): No pain, no gain!

[Coconuts continues grunting as she struggles to hold up the heavy objects. He eventually tires down and gulps nervously as the screen rumbles. Sonic is riding on a pink elephant as it walks in.]

Coconuts: Yikes!

[The weight of all the heavy objects crash down on Coconuts and create a big, gaping hole in the floor below him. The camera zooms in on the hole as a flattened Coconuts emerges from it and holds up his right index finger.]

Coconuts: Then I am definitely gaining!

[Coconuts falls over.]

Coconuts: Oof!

[A cloud of dust emits from the hole as the screen rumbles. In the next scene, Scratch and Grounder are standing atop a cliff as Coachnik runs up to them.]

Coachnik: Men, clumsiness leads to injuries! By sheer luck, I just ran into a guy who can fix that!

[Coachnik points his right index finger at Scratch and Grounder and turns his head to face the opposite direction.]

Coachnik: They're all yours, ballet master!

[Coachnik runs away, and Scratch and Grounder look at each other in confusion.]

Scratch and Grounder: Ballet?

[Sonic, who is disguised as a ballet teacher, jumps in.]

Sonic: The ballet! I shall show you how to move with style and grace!
Scratch: Hey, pal! We're plenty graceful!
Grounder: Yeah!

[Scratch hits Grounder with his right elbow, knocking him over.]

Grounder: Oof!

[Sonic jumps at Scratch and slaps his face with his right hand.]

Scratch: Oof!

[Sonic holds up his right index finger.]

Sonic: Posé, boy! Such a klutz!
Scratch: Me?

[Scratch points his right index finger at Grounder.]

Scratch: He's the one who rammed his nose into my finger!

[Sonic holds up his right index finger.]

Sonic: Silence! You will learn ballet!

[The screen transitions to an overhead view of the stadium and the camera zooms in on Robotnik as he inflates the flattened Coconuts with a bicycle pump.]

Robotnik: You dolt! You're just lucky the Coachnik thinks we need you!

[Coconuts is now re-inflated, and holding the hose in his right hand.]

Coconuts: This is not what I call lucky!

[The camera cuts back to a view of the cliff and zooms in on it. Scratch and Grounder are now dressed in ballet uniforms as Scratch grunts as he struggles to stand on his right leg. Sonic, who is standing next to a tape cassette player, applauds.]

Sonic: Very good! Now it's coming to lift! Lift up, Swan Queen!

[Scratch falls over Grounder, who holds him above his head with both his hands. He grunts as he struggles to hold him up. Sonic then presses a button on the tape player with his right index finger, speeding the music up.]

Sonic: Ballet is running into overtime! Speed it up! Speed it up!

[Scratch and Grounder scream as they spin uncontrollably.]

Sonic: Faster, faster, keep up with the music!

[Sonic pushes the switch on the tape player from SLOW to FAST with his right index finger, speeding up the music even faster.]

Sonic: Faster, faster, faster!

[Scratch and Grounder continue screaming as they spin out of control. Sonic then sticks out his left foot and Grounder trips over it. Scratch breaks through the backdrop and falls off the cliff.]

Scratch: Grounder!
Grounder: Oh, no!

[Sonic puts his right hand on Grounder's back.]

Sonic: Ja, it's very sad ending to ballet.

[The screen rumbles as Scratch hits the ground below. Sonic runs away, then onto the path where he first met Tails in Tails' New Home, where he tosses the ballet teacher costume aside with his right hand. Tails is there, waiting for him.]

Tails: Come on, Sonic! Let me do something! Let me spy on Robotnik!
Sonic: On Robotnik? I don't think so!
Tails: But we're a team! Aren't we?
Sonic: Well, sure, but...
Tails: Thanks! You won't be sorry!

[Sonic watches as Tails flies away. He walks up to the camera and points his right thumb at himself.]

Sonic (to the viewers): He gets more like me every day.

[The screen transitions to a view outside the stadium, where Robotnik looks over at Scratch, who has stars spinning around his head.]

Scratch: But I can fly! I'm the Swan Queen! Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Coachnik is now standing near Robotnik and Scratch, the former of whom shakes his right fist at them.]

Robotnik: Coachnik, you're wrecking these robots faster than I can fix them!

[Coachnik and Grounder both walk into the stadium.]

Coachnik: Ah, it's just a few dings and dents, Dr. Robotnik! Wait till you see how fast Grounder does the obstacle course!

[The camera moves to the left side of the screen, revealing the obstacle course, which has a rope over a pit of sand, a wall, and a trail of tires. Grounder jumps into the air as Coachnik is now holding a stopwatch in his left hand.]

Grounder: Ready, Coachnik!

[Coachnik presses the button on the stopwatch with his left thumb.]

Coachnik: Go!

[Grounder rolls away, then jumps and turns both his drills into hands, which he uses to grab the rope with and swing over the sand pit. He then rolls up the wall and flips at the top with both his hands.]

Grounder: Ha ha! I think I'm gonna beat my record!

[Grounder picks up his treads with both his hands, revealing a pair of legs underneath. He uses his legs to step in and out of the tires. As he does so, Sonic takes the tires he walked through away and sets them down at the other end of the obstacle course, making it look like the obstactle course is longer than it was before. He sets a trail leading to the exit of the stadium, and Grounder walks across it.]

Grounder: Funny, this row of tires seems longer than last time!

[Sonic takes the tires that Grounder walked through away and makes a new trail with them, which leads into a road. Grounder follows the train.]

Grounder: Hmmm, I'm getting really tired!

[Grounder screams as he hears a rumbling sound. A bus appears and runs over him, creating a cloud of smoke. When the smoke clears, Grounder's severed head spins and Coachnik runs up to it. He picks it up with both his hands and holds it in his left.]

Coachnik: Grounder, how many times I gotta tell you? To win, you gotta keep your head!
Grounder (wearily): Oh, right.

[Coachnik tosses Grounder's head at Robotnik, who gasps as he catches it with both his hands. Coachnik runs, chasing after the bus.]

Coachnik: Hey, you in the truck! Come back with the rest of my player!

[Robotnik looks around, and sees that nobody is watching him. He walks away, carrying Grounder's severed head. He closes the top of the Long Bomb with his right hand and sets the timer for 2:00.]

Robotnik: Ah, the two-minute warning!

[The camera zooms out on Robotnik as he looks over at Grounder's severed head.]

Robotnik: The perfect hiding place for my long bomb!

[Robotnik picks up Grounder's severed head with his right hand and the Long Bomb with his left. He grunts as he struggles to put the Long Bomb in Grounder's severed head, but it gets stuck. Robotnik is now holding a can of 10/50 OIL in his left hand and he pours it on the Long Bomb.]

Grounder: What's going on, Dr. Robotnik?
Robotnik: None of your business!
Grounder: Oh, sorry.

[Robotnik tosses the can aside and screws the Long Bomb into Grounder's severed head. He gets his hand stuck in it.]

Robotnik: Oh!

[Robotnik growls as he shakes Grounder's head, eventually getting his hand unstuck from it.]

Robotnik: Good thing there aren't a lot of brains in there, taking up room!

[The camera moves over to Tails, who is hiding behind a bucket, having witnessed everything. The camera zooms in on Robotnik as Tails ducks behind the bucket and Coachnik walks in, carrying Grounder's decapitated body in both his hands. He sets it down.]

Robotnik: Another injured player on the list!
Coachnik: Relax, Doctor! I'll have all three back on the game in no time!
Robotnik: You'd better! I only need them for two minutes!

[Robotnik holds up his right index and middle fingers, then Coachnik holds up his left index and middle fingers.]

Coachnik: Why two minutes?

[Robotnik walks up to Coachnik and pokes his body with his left index finger.]

Robotnik: Just humor me, okay?
Tails: I gotta warn Sonic!

[Tails runs away. The screen transitions to a view outside the stadium, and the camera moves to the right side of the screen, until it reaches Tails, who is talking to Sonic.]

Tails: I don't know what he hid there, but where's the last place you would look for something valuable?
Sonic and Tails: In Grounder's head!
Sonic: I see what you mean. Okay, let's find out what it is!

[Sonic runs towards the stadium. A view through a pair of binoculars is shown as Sonic runs into the stadium, with Tails flying behind him.]

Robotnik: Sonic's team is coming into the stadium, unaware my Long Bomb will blow up everything within five miles!

[Robotnik laughs evilly as the camera zooms in on his fortress. He is revealed to be looking through a pair of binoculars he is holding in both his hands. He lowers them. He is also revealed to be sitting on a bench, with a blanket in his lap, and a popcorn and soda at his left side.]

Robotnik: And here I sit, precisely 5.1 miles from Ground Zero, ready for an exciting, if brief battle!

[Robotnik picks up a piece of popcorn with his left hand and tosses it in his mouth. He then holds up a black flag with a red letter R on it in his right hand and picks up the remote to the Long Bomb in his left. He presses the green button with his right thumb, which detonates the Long Bomb. The camera moves over to the stadium, and a view inside Grounder's body is shown as the Long Bomb begins counting down from 2:00. Coachnik smashes Grounder's head back on his body with his left hand.]

Grounder: Ugh!

[Three miniature versions of Grounder circle counter clockwise around Grounder's head. Coachnik then pats Grounder's head with his right hand.]

Coachnik: Remember what I told you about keeping your head, Grounder!

[Sonic runs through the stadium entrance, with Tails flying behind him. Sonic comes to a stop at the other side, and Tails lands near him. Sonic then points his left thumb behind himself.]

Sonic: Guess the first move's up to them!

[Sonic and Tails gasp as Scratch and Coconuts run towards them.]

Sonic: Okay, Tails, time for some teamwork!

[Sonic and Tails run away in separate directions. Scratch chases after Sonic, and Coconuts chases after Tails. When Sonic and Tails meet face to face, Sonic runs away and Tails flies into the air, causing Scratch and Coconuts to run into each other. They grunt as they hit each other, and groan in pain. The camera zooms in on Robotnik's fortress.]

Robotnik: That's unnecessary roughness! It's only necessary when it happens to Sonic!

[Robotnik is looking through the binoculars he is holding in his left hand as he shakes his right fist.]

Robotnik: But wait! Who's that coming onto the field?

[Grounder rolls into the stadium.]

Robotnik: It's Grounder!

[Grounder rolls right into Scratch and Coconuts. They all groan as Grounder's head flies off his body. Sonic catches Grounder's head with both his hands and turns it so that he can look underneath.]

Sonic: Okay, let's see what's in your head!

[Grounder's body rolls towards Sonic, and Sonic screams as Grounder's body takes his head back with both his drills.]

Grounder: Hey, that's a personal question!

[Coachnik is sitting on a bench, and pounds it excitedly with both his fists, causing it to break into pieces.]

Coachnik: Attaboy, never lose your head!

[Robotnik is now standing in front of his bench with both his hands over his head.]

Robotnik: No, no, no! Run the other way, idiot!

[Robotnik turns to face his bench and kicks it with his right foot, causing his popcorn and soda to fly off it. He then turns away from it, points his right index finger at the stadium, and shakes his left fist in the air angrily.]

Robotnik: Let him have it!

[Grounder screams as he continues rolling across the stadium. Sonic runs past him and sticks out his right foot.]

Sonic: Have a nice trip!

[Sonic lowers his right foot, and Grounder's body trips over it, causing Grounder's head to fly into the air. Grounder screams as Tails catches his head with both his hands.]

Tails: Sonic, are you clear?

[Sonic holds up both his hands and runs as Scratch and Coconuts chase him.]

Sonic: You take it, Tails!

[Tails shakes Grounder's head.]

Grounder: Ow!

[When the Long Bomb falls out of Grounder's head, Tails lets go of Grounder's head and grabs the Long Bomb with both his hands, causing Grounder's head to fall. Tails looks over the Long Bomb]

Tails: Huh?

[The long bomb's timer counts down from 0:40.]

Tails: Why does Robotnik have a timer in here?

[Below, Scratch, Coconuts, and Grounder's body all chase after Sonic.]

Sonic: Maybe because it's a time bomb!
Tails: A time bomb?!

[Tails grunts as he tosses the Long Bomb down to Sonic with his right hand. Sonic, Scratch, and Coconuts all run past Grounder's head, which Grounder's body stops when it reaches it. Grounder then puts his head back on his body with both his drills, then the Long Bomb lands in them. Meanwhile, Scratch and Coconuts continue chasing Sonic.]

Scratch: A time bomb? No-ho-ho-ho! Throw it to Sonic!

[Scratch points his right index finger at Grounder. Grounder tosses the Long Bomb at Sonic with both his drills, and Scratch and Coconuts both flinch as Sonic catches the Long Bomb in both his hands. Sonic then runs towards Grounder, who wipes his head with his right drill.]

Grounder: Phew!

[Sonic runs counter-clockwise around Grounder and puts the Long Bomb in his left arm. Scratch and Coconuts both yell in fear as the former points his left index finger at Grounder.]

Scratch: I said throw it to Sonic!
Grounder: I did!

[Grounder tosses the Long Bomb with both his drills, but Sonic catches it in both his hands. Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts all scream in fear as Sonic runs towards them. They all then run away, but Sonic runs past them. They all screech to a halt, and Scratch pulls up his shirt with both his hands, revealing the Long Bomb to be in his belt.]

Scrach: Oh-ho no-ho-ho!

[The camera moves down to the Long Bomb in Scratch's belt. Scratch takes it out with his right hand and tosses it. He, Grounder, and Coconuts all flinch as Sonic runs over them.]

Coconuts: What's the matter with you guys? Don't let him pawn that thing off on you!

[The Long Bomb is revealed to be tied to Coconuts' tail. He walks away, and Scratch and Grounder both scream in fear. They run towards Coconuts and tackle him, creating a cloud of grey dust.]

Coconuts: Hey, hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? Cut it out, cut it out!

[The Long Bomb falls out of the dust cloud.]

Sonic: Come on, Tails, we're out of here!

[Sonic and Tails run away as Coachnik runs up to the Long Bomb. He kicks it with his right foot, and it flies towards Robotnik's fortress. Robotnik looks through the binoculars he is holding in both his hands, then drops them in shock when he sees the Long Bomb flying towards him.]

Robotnik: No! Not here! Not my fortress!

[Robotnik runs away and jumps into his Egg-O-Matic hovercraft, only for the Long Bomb to land inside it.]

Robotnik: Oh!

[Robotnik screams just as the Long Bomb is about to go off. The Long Bomb explodes, destroying Robotnik's fortress. Scratch, Grounder, Coconuts, and Coachnik all watch the explosion as Robotnik's damaged Egg-O-Matic flies into the stadium and lands with a thud.]

Robotnik: Whoa! Ow! Ow!

[Robotnik growls unintelligibly, then growls as he jumps out of the Egg-O-Matic. Coachnik walks up to him with his both arms out.]

Coachnik: Hey, Dr. Robotnik, you made it!

[Robotnik growls as he pulls out the last bearing from the Long Bomb from his right pants pocket with his right hand and walks angrily towards Coachnik.]

Coachnik: Hey, uh, what's that little grain in your hand? Say, did I ever tell you my story about winning one for the blister?

[A light shines on the bearing, and Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts all watch as Robotnik uses it to destroy Coachnik. The screen rumbles as Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts all flinch.]

Scratch: Ow-how-how-how-how!

[Coachnik's whistle whistles as it lands near Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts. The screen transitions to a view of the valley as Sonic runs over the hills, with Tails flying behind him.]

Tails: Some teammate I am, thinking Robotnik hid something great in Grounder! How dumb can I be?

[Tails slaps his head with his right hand.]

Sonic: Hey, the way you flashed on that thing being a bomb, I tell you, Tails, I'm glad you're on my team!

[Sonic holds his left thumb up at Tails.]

Tails: You are?

[Sonic continues running over the hills, with Tails following behind him. In the stadium, Robotnik growls as he looks over Coachnik's pieces, and the camera zooms out, revealing Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts all to be looking at him as well.]

Grounder: Dr. Robotnik, what happened to Coachnik?
Robotnik: I gave him the boot, that's what!
Coachnik: We'll see who gives who the boot!

[Coachnik's right leg jumps into life, and Robotnik screams as he stares in shock at it. He runs away, and Coachnik's right leg chases after him. Robotnik continues screaming as Coahnik's leg continues chasing after him, kicking him.]

Robotnik: Oof!

[Robotnik lands on one of the hills.]

Robotnik: Hey, what's the idea?

[Coachnik's right leg catches up to Robotnik and kicks him again.]

Robotnik: Oh! D'oh!
Coachnik: I'm putting my foot down!

[Coachnik's right leg kicks Robotnik again, and he screams in pain.]

Robotnik: Penalty! Uh, call the referee!

[Coachnik's right leg kicks Robotnik again.]

Robotnik: Somebody find his off button! Time out!

[The screen fades to black, ending the episode.]

Sonic Says

[Sonic and Tails are dressed in football uniforms and doing stretches. In the distance, Scratch and Grounder, both of whom are wearing brown shirts with black Letter Rs with Robotnik's mustache on them, look over them.]

Scratch: Look at those goofballs!
Sonic: Forget them, Tails! Stretching and warming up before a game can keep you from being injured!

[Tails is now holding a football down with his left hand. Sonic is behind him and Scratch and Grounder are facing against them.]

Sonic: Hike!

[Tails passes Sonic the football, and Sonic jumps back as Scratch and Grounder charge at him. They grunt as they tackle him, and Sonic tosses the ball at Tails. Tails catches the ball with both his hands and runs with the ball in his left arm.]

Scratch: No-ho-ho-ho! Oh! Oh, I pulled a muscle in my leg!

[Scratch and Grounder run into a goal post and fall to pieces. Tails runs up to the goal post and holds up the ball with his right hand.]

Tails: Yeah, touchdown!

[Sonic runs up to Tails and high-fives his left hand with his left hand.]

Sonic: Nice run, little bro!

[Sonic turns to face the camera.]

Sonic (to the viewers): Stretch before and after you exercise!"
Transcripts