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Eggman Family Vacation (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Eggman Family Vacation".

[Scene: Canyon, day.]

[Morpho, as a Granifer Giganticus, chases Sonic through the canyon.]
Sonic: Over here! Pretty close! Are you even trying?
[Morpho crashes into a boulder.]
Dr. Eggman: [To Morpho] You dunce! Can't you do anything right?
[The Granifer Giganticus morphs back to Morpho and spins up next to Eggman.]
Morpho: I'm doing the best I can, brother!
Dr. Eggman: You're not my brother. You're my shape-shifting robot doppelganger from another dimension.
Morpho: Like I'd wanna be the brother of some pudge factory who can't even defeat a gerbil?
[Eggman grunts and begins trading handslaps with Morpho.]

[Scene: Mombot's house, day.]

Dr. Eggman: I had the most failsafe of failsafeist plans, but this hammerhead still found a way to ruin it!
Morpho: Next time, why don't you shape-shift into a giant rock monster? Oh wait. You can't.
[Morpho and Eggman trade handslaps again. Mombot loses her patience and hammers her fist on the table.]
Mombot: That is it! I will not have my two darling boys fighting.
Morpho and Eggman: [Glumly and slowly] Sorry Mombot.
Mombot: Now I was saving this for your next victory. But since that's not coming anytime soon, I've got a big surprise for you boys!
Dr. Eggman: [Excitedly] Breakfast for dinner?!
Mombot: You just had dinner. I bought a timeshare in beautiful downtown Roboken.

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, day.]

[The Egg Rocket is being loaded with supplies.]
Orbot: I can't wait to visit the Bottywood Walk of Fame. Think we'll see any stars?
Dr. Eggman: I can guarantee it if you don't stop annoying me! [Grunts fiercely]
Tails: Sounds like Eggman's going on a vacation.
Sonic: Which means we finally get a break from old Baldy McNosehair.
[All five members of Team Sonic raise their hand up in the air together and cheer. Eggman is inside the Egg Rocket.]
Dr. Eggman: We're right here, you know.
[The Egg Rocket takes off to Roboken.]
Amy: So, what do you guys want to do?
[Sonic hesitates.]
Amy: That was a rhetorical question. I've already drawn up an itinerary. First up: Nature walk!
[The rest of Team Sonic groan.]
Knuckles: I miss Eggman.

[Scene Change: Roboken, Mombot's timeshare, day.]

[Eggman, Orbot, Cubot, Morpho and Mombot are in a run-down apartment.]
Mombot: Here we are! Our luxury timeshare!
Dr. Eggman: Well what do you know? The telemarketer who scammed you into buying a timeshare was loosey-goosey on the details.
Mombot: Oh buck up! We're gonna spend the day sightseeing anyway.
[Suddenly, Mombot uses her extendable arms to give Eggman, Orbot, Cubot and Morpho an uncomfortable hug.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, day.]

[Sonic, Sticks, Tails and Amy are walking across the island.]
Amy: Isn't it great to be able to enjoy the peace and quiet?
[Knuckles swings on a vine and makes Tarzan noises before crashing into a tree.]
Amy: Quit fooling around! [Quickly and angrily] You're disturbing the serene beauty of this delicate ecosystem!
Sonic: Leave Knuckles alone. He's not harming anyone.
[Knuckles pulls a tree branch which turns out to be a lever that opens and activates one of Eggman's hidden missiles. The missiles launches off into the sky.]
Sticks: Great job, Knuckles! You activated one of Eggman's cold war missiles!
Tails: Looks like it's headed for Gogoba Village!
Sonic: [Whistling] Well, um, guess we better go save them.
[Team Sonic take Tails' Plane to follow the missile through midair. Knuckles jumps off the plane and grabs hold of the missile. Sonic and Sticks do the same.]
Tails: Knuckles, we gotta recalibrate the rudder to change the missile trajectory!
[Knuckles looks questioningly at Sonic.]
Sonic: Bend that thing!
[Knuckles bends the fin of the missile. The missiles moves a little erratically before moving upwards, evading Gogoba Village. Sonic and Sticks celebrate.]
Knuckles: Uh oh.
[The missile crashes into a snowy mountain. Sonic, Sticks and Knuckles are shown to be alive, but standing in pain.]

[Scene Change: Roboken, day.]

[A Montage plays. Mombot, Orbot, Cubot and Morpho are on a tour through Roboken. Mombot takes pictures of the surroundings. Eggman follows behind them, upset.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, day.]

[Back at Seaside Island, Team Sonic are wrapped up by a giant snake. Knuckles tries punching the snake while it sticks its tongue out at Sonic.]

[Scene Change: Roboken, day.]

[Mombot, Orbot, Cubot and Morpho are receiving a massaged from robots. The robot massaging Eggman painfully stretches his legs backwards, rolls him over, and stretches his whole body out.]

[Scene Change: Cave, day.]

[Team Sonic are walking through a dark cave. Knuckles spots plenty of eyes stare at him, making him and the rest of Team Sonic scream and run back out of the cave with widabits chasing them.]

[Scene Change: Roboken, day]

[Eggman, Orbot, Cubot, Mombot and Morpho are having dinner. Eggman tries to eat a metal steak, but gets annoyed just before he puts the slice he cut out in his mouth. The Montage ends.]
Dr. Eggman: I asked for the steak medium-well, not medium welded.

[Scene Change: Roboken, day.]

[Eggman, Orbot, Cubot, Morpho and Mombot are walking through Roboken.]
Morpho: Whohahaha! Look, handcrafted knickknacks that say "I ♥ Roboken" but serve no actual function.
Cubot: We better get over there before they sell out.
[Everyone except Eggman head off to the knickknacks, leaving Eggman behind.]
Dr. Eggman: I can't believe I'm stuck here among all these drillbillies. On the bright side, at least there's no Sonic to chat my...
Cyborg Sonic: Hello, Egghead!
[Eggman gasps, turns around and sees Cyborg Sonic, Mighton and Bolts, looking angrily at him.]
Dr. Eggman: Even in the sky, I can't get away from you do-gooders. Hello, Blighton, Dolts.
Bolts: It's Mighton and Bolts. You've made an ortho-phonetic error.
Mighton: Cut to the chase, Nancy. What are you doing in Roboken?
Dr. Eggman: I'm on vacation with my Mombot.
Bolts: Probability of Eggman choosing Roboken as vacation destination: 4.693,886 to 1.
Dr. Eggman: Impressive! [Runs closer to Bolts] You calculated that in no seconds flat. [Rummages through the back of Bolts] What kind of processor are you running in there?
Cyborg Sonic: [Holds Eggman back] Don't change the subject. We know you're up to no good.
Mombot: Come on, sweetie. You're missing out on all the nifty fridge magnets.
[Eggman chuckles nervously. Cyborg Sonic lets him got. Eggman walks away.]

[Scene Change: Roboken, Mombot's timeshare, night.]

[Mombot, Orbot and Cubot are having fun sticking fridge magnets on each others.]
Dr. Eggman: [Sighs] Look, Steve. I know we've had our differences...
Mombot: [Off-screen] All brothers do.
Morpho and Eggman: Not brothers! Just a human and a shape-shifting robot doppelganger from another dimension.
Dr. Eggman: Listen. I have a deliciously evil scheme. And to pull it off, I'm gonna need your help.

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, day.]

[Team Sonic are walking across Seaside Island, all tired.]
Sonic: Ugh... This vacation is killing me. Next time, can we just hang out on a hammock by the beach?
Amy: Oh relax. We're almost home. Huh?
[Amy leans on a fake tree which deploys another missile.]
Sonic: You gotta be kidding me.

[Scene Change: Roboken, evening.]

[Eggman and Morpho are tiptoeing through the inside of a building, avoiding the guards along the way. They approach Bolts, who is working on a machine.]
Dr. Eggman: [Whispering] That little lame-o's intellect is off the charts. If I could snag his intelligence chip and install it in one my robots, Sonic wouldn't know what hit him.
Morpho: Leave it to me, brotato. [Morphs into Mighton]
[Morpho walks up to Bolts.]
Mighton: Bolts! There you are, duderino.
Bolts: [Confused] Duderino. Are you feeling okay?
Morpho: Totes Okay. Think you can download me some insta-snaps off the BitTube?
Bolts: The what now?
[Morpho morphs into a piranha plant and eats Bolts. With Bolts trapped, Eggman steals Bolts' chip and laughs. Bolts is shut down as he is released. The plant morphs back into Morpho and he and Eggman escape the building. The real Mighton arrives and runs over to Bolts, and is horrified to find that his intelligence chip has been taken away from him. Mighton picks him up.]
Mighton: I'll find the coward who did this to ya! And something tells me I know exactly who to blame.

[Scene Change: Roboken, Mombot's timeshare.]

Morpho: We did it, dude.
Dr. Eggman: No Steve. You did it, you beautiful abomination you.
[Morpho and Eggman give a high five, fist bump and jump on their backs.]
Mombot: Oh, does it a Mombot's heart good to see her boys getting along.
[Suddenly, some angry banging is heard. Mighton and Cyborg Sonic are waiting outside the door.]
Mighton: Open up, dirtbags!
Dr. Eggman: Welp, sure has been a grand vacation but time to go.
Mombot: What is going on?
Dr. Eggman: Let's just say I might have rubbed some of the locals the wrong way and if we don't leave right now, they're gonna crush us into a paste. Come on, we can sneak out the back!
Mombot: But I have to clean, or I'll lose my deposit!
[Eggman and Morpho grab Mombot, leaving her brush behind.]

[Scene Change: Roboken, night.] [Eggman, Morpho, Mombot, Orbot and Cubot hurry to the Egg Rocket. Mighton (who is carrying Bolts) and Cyborg Sonic try to chase them, but they are too late as the Egg Rocket takes off before they can reach them. Mighton and Cyborg Sonic board a spaceship and follows the Egg Rocket in it.]

[Scene Change: Seaside Island, day.]

[Team Sonic, tired, are briskly walking across Seaside Island with Tails and Knuckles holding each other.]
Sticks: I think I need a vacation from this vacation.
Sonic: Uh... At least we're almost home and can put this nightmare behind us.
[Sonic looks up at the sky and notices the Egg Rocket and the Roboken spaceship.]
Sonic: Spoke too soon.

[Scene Change: Canyon, day.]

[Eggman is having a stand-off with Mighton and Cyborg Sonic. On Eggman's side are some of his robot soliders, Morpho, Mombot, Orbot and Cubot. Team Sonic arrive at the scene.]
Mighton: Hand over that chip before I give you a mouthful of punch.
Dr. Eggman: You're too late! I already installed your little friend's intelligence chip in my Fire Bot. Good luck outsmarting him now.
Sonic: Fire Bot's never beaten us before, Egghead. What makes you think... Whoa!
[A fireball approaches Sonic, but he gets out of the way as the fireball strikes a wall. Fire Bot shoots more fireballs at Sonic.]
Sonic: Doesn't matter how smart you are if you're too slow!
[Fire Bot shoots more fireballs to the ground where Sonic is. Sonic burns his feet.]
Sonic: Gah! Whoa! Hot foot, hot foot! [Blows on his feet] Wow. That thing is smart.
Mighton: Let's see how he handles a little brute force.
[Mighton unleashes his rocket arm towards Fire Bot. Instead of dodging it, the Fire Bot releases the intelligence chip. Fire Bot's head get knocked off. Meanwhile, the intelligence chip falls into a Motobug. The Motobug prepares to roll to the rest of Team Sonic. Amy and Tails try a double attack from the side, but the Motobug rolls backwards. Amy and Tails clash heads.]
Sticks: No worries. I got this!
[Sticks throws her boomerang. The Motobug tilts to dodge it, and gazes Sticks, causing her to spin around in midair. With Sticks dazed, her boomerang knocks her over upon its return. Cyborg Sonic tries a spin attack. Motobug releases the intelligence chip, which is swallowed by a Bee Bot. The Motobug is destroyed. Meanwhile, the Bee Bot dodges a thrown stone.]
Knuckles: You'll never outsmart me.
[The Bee Bot displays a set of keys to Knuckles. Knuckles tries to catch them but gets struck by the Bee Bot's stinger, knocking him down.]
Dr. Eggman: My upgraded minions are too crafty for your tired old moves.
[The Bee Bot gets broken by Sticks' boomerang. The chip is released and trades places with several different robots, which are destroyed one by one.]
Sonic: Which one has the chip now?
Knuckles: I dunno. Let's just crush them all!
[As Team Sonic prepare to destroy the robots, Mombot screams.]
Mombot: STOP!
[Team Sonic instantly freeze in their current positions.]
Mombot: Look at all of you, fighting and carrying on. It's senseless is what it is.
Dr. Eggman: Eh, no, it's... Kind of my life's work.
Mombot: Studies have shown that violence begins only more egregious violence, at an annually adjusted rate of 87.154%.
Sticks: She's got the smart chip. I say we bump that senseless violence up to an even 88%!
[Sticks, Cyborg Sonic, and Mighton charge towards Mombot. Eggman, Morpho, Orbot and Cubot protect her and stop the three in their tracks.]
Dr. Eggman: We can stand idly by while you pulverize my minions into shrapnel, but when you mess with our Mombot, you've gone too far!
[Eggman takes the intelligence chip out of Mombot and hands it to them.]
Dr. Eggman: Here's your dumb old smart chip. Family's more important than vengeance... I guess.
[Mighton give the intelligence chip back to Bolts. Bolts reactivates.]
Bolts: Wow. I feel so rested!
Sonic: [Miserably] Dude, don't rub it in.

[Scene Change: Mombot's house, day.]

[Eggman, Morpho, Orbot, Cubot and Mombot are having dinner.]
Mombot: Looks like my plan for a family vacation brought us closer after all. I'm so proud of my boys.
Dr. Eggman: Mombot, I learned something today. You don't get to choose you family, unless you invented them like I did, not that I invented Steve. That was me in another dimension, but you get the point.
Morpho: True, that.
[Eggman spits out a small bolt from a slice of pie. Eggman spots several bolts inserted in the pie and grunts angrily.]
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