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It Takes a Village to Defeat a Hedgehog/Transcript

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It Takes a Village to Defeat a Hedgehog (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "It Takes a Village to Defeat a Hedgehog."

[Scene: Dr. Eggman's Lair, day]

[Dr. Eggman is sitting at a round table with a group of other villains.]
T. W. Barker: Dr. Eggman, why did you call us here?
Dr. Eggman: All will be revealed in due time, my friends. We're still waiting on one more arrival.
Dave: But I have a noon shift at Meh Burger. If I'm late, I'll never get that raise to minimum wage.
[There are mumbles of agreement around the table.]
Dr. Eggman: Fine, fine. We'll get started. In this room, I've gathered a rogue's gallery of the most vile, nefarious, repungmalevolent evildoers--
Charlie: Repungmalevolent? Is that a word?
Dr. Eggman: It didn't need to be until we had so much evil inside this one room! Anyway, you're all here because we all have something in common.
Willy: A love of fine cheeses?
Dr. Eggman: Well, yes, but besides that, we all share a mutual enemy: Sonic the Hedgehog, and his rodent friends! We must stop them before they destroy us all!

[Scene Change: Amy's House]

Amy: Thanks for helping me put together my Björnvaalden bookcase. I got it from that foreign build your own furniture store!
Tails: (looking at the small box) That's it?
Amy: Ah, you'd be surprised at how much they can fit in one little box!
[Sonic opens the box, and the contents fly out, burying Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles.]

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair]

Willy: Mm-mm! This are some fine cheeses!
T. W. Barker: But where are the crackers?
Dr. Eggman: (holding a cheese tray) I wanted everything to be perfect! Keep calm, everyone. I'll send Orbot out to the store. Whew! I'm so--
Shadow the Hedgehog: So this is why you called me here... [The camera cuts to reveal another character. The camera moves up, revealing the figure to be Shadow]
Dr. Eggman: [gasps and drops his tray] Shadow the Hedgehog! Hey everybody, look! Shadow's here! I knew springing for those embossed invitations would impress!
Weasel Bandit: Who's he?
Dr. Eggman: He's only the second most popular character in the whole canon! (ahems) Let me get you a chair, Mr. Shadow!
[Doctor Eggman pulls the chair out from under Dave the Intern, sending him crashing to the floor. He then pushes the chair over to Shadow]
Shadow: Hm. I prefer to stand.
Dr. Eggman: Of course. You rogue, you! I like standing, too! Everyone, on your feet! [everyone else stands up with groans] Where were we? I'll just start at the beginning.

[Scene Change: Amy's House]

Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles are looking at the directions for the bookshelf.
Tails: There are no words. Just pictures.
Knuckles: Just like the novel I'm writing! [pulls the directions away and looks closer] Hmm... the plot's there, but the characters are all over the place.

[Scene Change: Eggman's Lair]

Dr. Eggman: And so, with my superior leadership, and your blind loyalty, we'll finally be rid of those meddling muskrats!
[Dr. Eggman looks at Shadow with anticipation. Shadow barely reacts.]
Willy: Hey! How come you're calling the shots? I'm the best villain here! I spent more time in the pen than all of you combined!
Charlie: All that proves is that you're the best at getting caught!
T. W. Barker: What we need is an educated fellow. An organized leader who knows how to keep hotheads like you under control and maintain parliamentary procedure.
Tree Spy: Objection! Anyone can learn parliamentary procedure.
T.W. Barker: Point of order! "Objection" is courtroom terminology, not parliamentary!
Tree Spy: Sustained!
Dave: As anyone with even a cursory knowledge of the sci-fi classic Battleforce Galaxia knows, our leadership needs a young, inexperienced teenager who's destined for glory, lest you want to repeat Admiral [Transcriber's Note: Can't figure out the name here] phase.
Dr. Eggman: You're losing focus! Remember, I'm the one who called this meeting!
Weasel Bandit: And great job, by the way. Who picked out this stemware? It's barely worth stealing! (swipes it and sticks it in his robe)
[Everyone begins to argue over who the leader should be.]
Eggman: Come on, Eggman. Get it together. I know what this group needs!

[Cut outside for a moment, then back in.]

Dr. Eggman: Time for some team-building exercises! Fall backwards into your buddy's arms and let them catch you. This is called a "trust fall."
[Weasel Bandit is caught by Tree Spy. Charlie catches Dave. T.W. Barker catches Willy. Stuntbear 1 catches Stuntbear 2. Shadow doesn't even try to catch Dr. Eggman, who crashes to the ground.]
Dr. Eggman: My fault. Should have given you a heads up. That was on me!

[Another outside, then inside cut]

Dr. Eggman: You never know what's going to happen on the battlefield. Which is why it's important to think on your feet. This is a little game I used to play with my old improv troupe, The Gigglesnorts. It's called "Zip Zap Zop." We pass around an imaginary ball, saying "zip," "zap," or "zop" as we go. I'll start. (passes the "ball" to T.W. Barker) Zip!
T.W. Barker: (catches the "ball," and passes it to Shadow) Zap!
[Shadow just stands there, doing nothing.]
Dr. Eggman: Ehh... that's to you, Shadow. You wanna zap that one over to Dave? Or maybe zap that bad boy back to me? Heh... no?
Shadow: Tch.
Eggman: He pfted it! We'll count that. Great job, Shadow!
Shadow: Silence, fool!
[The other villains gasp.]
Shadow: I suffered your presence long enough. (turns to leave)
Dr. Eggman: N-no! Don't go! We're not done bonding yet! We were gonna roast wieners and play flashlight tag. We're making history here! A collection of villains like this has never been assembled before!
Shadow: (turns around) I see no villains, just some fools whose only ability is wasting time!
Dr. Eggman: That's something, isn't it?
Shadow: No, not really.
[Shadow disappears. Dr. Eggman sighs.]

[Scene Change, Amy's House]

Amy: How do we tell the difference between Side A and Side C?
Tails: Side A should have one more L-Bracket.
Amy: You mean T-Bracket, right?
Tails: Uhh...
Sonic: Tails, so help me, if you've been confusing L-Brackets and T-Brackets this whole time...!
Sticks: Who used all the D-Screws? All I have left are J-Knobs, which are worthless! And has anyone seen Back Panel G?
Knuckles: Uhh... [holds up his arm, which has a panel stuck to it] I think I found it. [tries to shake it off his arm, to no avail. He then grabs it, but it breaks in half]
Sonic: Great! Now we have to go back to the store and exchange the whole thing! Come on, let's pack it up.
[They try to fit the pieces of the bookcase back into the box, but there's no way to make them all fit.]

[Scene Change, Eggman's Lair]

Dr. Eggman: No fair! Sonic always beats me! With Shadow on our squad, we had a real chance! He's so cool and edgy!
Dave: If standing in the corner while everybody else has fun makes you cool, then I must have been the coolest guy at my junior prom!
Willy: And we all know that's not true! So I say nuts to Shadow! He's not a team player like the rest of us.
Tree Spy: With Doctor Eggman's superior leadership skills and our blind loyalty, we can do whatever we set our evil minds to.
Dr. Eggman: D'aww, was that a callback to my earlier speech? You guys... All right, team! Gather round! Here's the plan...

[Scene Change, Village Center]

Sonic: We got a brand new Blork...splargin. Let's just build it right here.
Tails: Then when we mess up, we can get yet another one! Great idea, Sonic!
Sonic: That's why I'm the leader! Now let's dominate this cheap piece of furniture! ...To the best of our limited ability.

[Montage: Doctor Eggman walks Willy through how to fly one of his machines. Amy tries to drill something, but ends up going into a wild spin instead. Charlie blasts targets of Team Sonic on a firing range. Tails is seen welding something, which is revealed to be marshmallows. The stuntbears roll on two of Eggman's robots, to the applause of the other villains.]

[Scene Change, Village Center]

Sonic Welp, we're out of parts and instructions. I think we're done.
[Team Sonic looks over at the results of their work... a terrible looking mishmash of pieces.]
Amy: [sarcastically] Great work, team.
[Doctor Eggman arrives with Giant Robot.]
Dr. Eggman: Did somebody call for a dramatic entrance?
Sonic: Tails, get us an aerial survey! We'll take him out from down here.
[Team Sonic leaps back as Giant Robot smashes his fists down. Eggman begins firing lasers at them, but Sonic easily dodges. Tails flies by in his plane, distracting Giant Robot. Another laser blast misses Tails, who sees Willy flying his own machine.]
Tails: Bogey on my tail. Gonna try and shake him.
[Tails flies off with Willy in pursuit. Team Sonic runs off to avoid Giant Robot's laser, but they see Weasel Bandit running off with Lady Walrus's purse.]
Lady Walrus: He stole my purse! My baby! Pictures
[Sticks and Amy take off after Weasel Bandit, only to find themselves surrounded by Dave and the Stuntbears.]
Sticks: An ambush!
[Tree Spy is watching Sonic and Knuckles fight Eggman and Giant Robot through binoculars, then uses flags to give a signal. T.W. Barker swoops in with Octopus Bot and attacks an ice cream stand, sending the patrons scattering.]
Sonic: Knuckles, that one's all you.
[Knuckles runs off, leaving Sonic alone against Eggman.]
Dr. Eggman: Looks like your team is stretched a bit thin, you periwinkle pipsqueak!
Sonic: I can take you one-on-one any day, Egghead!
Dr. Eggman: Who said anything about one-on-one?
[Charlie charges with his mech, followed by Motobugs and Bee Bots]
Sonic: Oh you've got to be kidding me...
[Tails is still trying to evade Willy, without much success. Amy gets hit by a robot. Sticks kicks it away, but gets a burger to the face. Knuckles punches Octopus Bot, but gets splattered with ink and smacked away. Sonic gets caught by the explosion of one of Giant Robot's missiles and is knocked away as well.]
Eggman: It's working! The plan's actually working!
[Sonic sees the bookcase mishmash and gets an idea, running over to it.]
Sonic: Hey! Over here, you oversized can opener!
[Giant Robot tries to smash Sonic, but Sonic cuts to the other side of one of the bookcase shelves and is catapaulted into Charlie's Mech. The resulting short-circuiting shuts down Giant Robot as well.]
Eggman: No!
[Sonic jumps up onto the Eggmobile.]
Sonic: Call off your goons, or I'll smash you into next week.
Dr. Eggman: I'm busy next week. I mean, I could probably reschedule, but I--
[Sonic is knocked away by someone, who is revealed to be Shadow.]
Shadow: Pff. Even with all this help, you still couldn't defeat Sonic.
[Sonic leaps at Shadow, who does the same to him. They bounce off each other.]
Dr. Eggman: It's happening. Shadow has finally joined Team Eggman! I'm geeking out here!
[Shadow knocks away the Eggmobile, then goes after Sonic again. They begin bouncing off each other around the Village Center, with Doctor Eggman trying to keep up.]
Dr. Eggman: Need any help, Shadow? Okay, you've got this one. Ooh, ha ha ha, just missed ya. Allow me to... uh... okay. Just tag me in when you're ready.
Shadow: (stops) Out of the way, you buffoon.
[That slight distraction allows Sonic to nail Shadow, launching him through the wall of a house. Shadow leaps back out, grabs Sonic by the scarf, and leaps upwards with him. They end up flying right between Tails and Willy, making Willy stop short. Doctor Eggman flies up after him.]
Dr. Eggman: Excuse me! I'm with Shadow.
[Shadow attempts to slam Sonic down, but Sonic manages to break away and lands safely. Shadow lands on the "bookshelf," crushing it completely.]
Sonic: Hey! We worked all day on that!
Shadow: Your shoddy craftsmanship brings shame on all hedgehogkind. And for that, you shall perish.
[Shadow suddenly disappears, shocking Sonic. Shadow appears right in front of Sonic and knocks him skyward with an uppercut, then disappears again. He then reappears above Sonic, slamming him down with a kick that leaves Sonic in a crater.]
Dr. Eggman: We did it! Sonic was defeated by Team Eggman! [holds up a camera] Victory selfie!
[The resulting camera flash temporarily blinds Shadow, allowing Sonic to race up and lay him out with an uppercut of his own. Tails manages to outmaneuver Willy into crashing into a mountain. Amy and Sticks take out Dave and Weasel Bandit. Knuckles rips a pair of legs off of Octopus Bot, then uses one of them to wrap up Tree Spy.]
Shadow: You fool! I had him just where I wanted him!
Dr. Eggman: Sorry! That one's on me, Shadow. Forgot to turn off the flash. Pic looks great, though, if it's any consolation.
Shadow: Enough! How's a guy supposed to destroy his foes with dolts like you wandering around? We'll fight again soon, Sonic, but next time, on my terms.
[Shadow disappears as the rest of Team Sonic run up and do a group fistbump.]
Team Sonic: Yeah!
Amy: Great job, everybody!
Knuckles: We may not be able to build a bookcase, but we sure as heck can clobber some creeps!
Sonic: Speaking of which...
[Team Sonic turns and glares at Eggman.]
Dr. Eggman: [backing away] Now guys, let's not point fingers about who's to blame for this little scuffle...
[Team Sonic runs forward and starts playing volleyball with the Eggmobile.]
Eggman: Ooh! Ow! Hey!
[Orbot and Cubot pop up]
Cubot: What a swell adventure! I sure hope there's more next year.
Orbot: Just think of all the hundreds more stories to be told using the same eight characters and four locations. The possibilities are limitless!
Cubot: Just to be on the safe side, maybe we should start an internet petition.
[The episode ends with Team Sonic continuing to play volleyball with the Eggmobile]
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