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Mayor Knuckles (Transcript)

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This is the transcript for the Sonic Boom episode, "Mayor Knuckles."

[Scene: Mayor's Mansion, day]

[Mayor Fink is stamping papers at his desk.]
Mayor Fink: Habeas corpus ... due process ... [stamps the desk] Oops. Authorization to clean desk. [stamps it]
[Admiral Beaverton clears his throat.]
Admiral Beaverton: Ready for the fishing trip, old bean?
Mayor Fink: Oh, no, no, no. Too much approving to do. The town bylaws won't stamp themselves. [grabs another piece of paper from the stack] Self-Stamping Prohibition Act. [stamps it and holds it up] See? If only there was someone to cover for me. [pause] I say, if only there was someone to cover for me? [pause] So we can get the story started?
[Knuckles enters the office.]
Knuckles: This is an outrage! A travesty! A plookypluck!
Mayor Fink: A "plookypluck"?
Knuckles: I made that last one up. Rule of threes, Your Majesty. Anyway, I'd like this important law passed.
Admiral Beaverton: [reads it and clears his throat] Henceforth, peanut butter and pickles shall ne'er be packaged in separate containers, as they inevitably wind up in the same sandwich.
Mayor Fink: I can help you with this, but in exchange, I'll need something from you. Are you prepared to do your civic duty?
Knuckles: [snickers] You said "civic".
Mayor Fink: Yes. Citizen Knuckles, I need you to stamp these laws with the mayoral seal between now and, say, 5:30, when the fish stop biting.
Knuckles: I'm in!
[Later, Knuckles is playing with the stamp.]
Wild Cat: Who's in charge here?
Knuckles: I guess I am!

[Scene change: Sticks' Burrow, day]

[Sticks is sleeping. A loud noise not only wakes her up, but knocks her out of bed. Outside, Wild Cat is using a jackhammer.]
Sticks: Hey! Hey! [walks up and knocks on Wild Cat's hardhat with her boomerang; he turns the jackhammer off] Whatta you doing?
Wild Cat: The mayor's office just approved construction of a new mall. [shows the document to Sticks] See? [Sticks growls and crumples it]

[Scene change: Mayor's Mansion, day]

Knuckles: Next! [stamps] Next! [stamps] Next! [stamps] Next!
Fastidious Beaver: With whom do I speak about adding a new wing to the library?
Knuckles: With me'm. [grabs a bill from the stack and stamps it] Approved. By the way, I believe the proper pronunciation is "libary".
Gentleman Wolf: I'd like approval for a parade through town to celebrate my half-birthday.
Knuckles: Half-birthday approved.
Lady Walrus: I think this village should have moving sidewalks.
Knuckles: I don't know.
Lady Walrus: Do you want to live in a world without moving sidewalks?
Knuckles: Excellent argument. Approved!
[Later, Sonic walks in.]
Sonic: Hey Knux. Why are you in the mayor's office, stamping bills into law?
Knuckles: I'm doing my civic duty. [Sonic chuckles] Oh, grow up, Sonic.
[Sticks enters the office.]
Sticks: Who's in charge here?
Knuckles: I am. And I'm doing a good job, too. [he picks up a green pencil, draws himself, and stamps the drawing] See?
Sticks: You appwoved building a new mall? Next ta my burrow? On my land?!
Knuckles: Sticks, Sticks, Sticks. I approve lots of things next to lots of burrows on lots of people's lands. I can't keep track of them all.
Sticks: Your recklessness is destroying my home!
Knuckles: Sticks, don't worry. You know someone on the inside now. Just write up a proposition and I'll ram it through.
Sticks: [screams] Politics has corrupted you! I'm bringing you down, Knuckles! You, and ya goons! [points at Sonic]
Sonic: Me? What did I do?
[Sticks stomps out of the office.]

[Scene change: Eggman's Lair, day]

Dr. Eggman: The trash should have been picked up by now! Where's that garbage man?

[Scene change: Mayor's Mansion, day]

Fennec Garbage Man: I want to take a few months off. See the trash in other countries. Maybe get some fancy foreign coveralls.
Knuckles: What's the worst that could happen? [pause] See? No consequences!

[Scene change: Eggman's Lair, day]

Dr. Eggman: I can't keep looking at this stack of failed inventions. It's bad enough looking at you two.
Orbot: Must every random observation circle back to insult us?
Dr. Eggman: It's not you. I'm just frustrated about the trash situation, you idiots.
Cubot: Apology accepted.
Dr. Eggman: I'm going to City Hall! You lugnuts wait here.

[Scene change: Sonic's Shack, day]

Sticks: We need to stop Knuckles, and get government out of our lives! What has government ever done for us?
Sonic: Maintained the fire department. You can't say that's a bad idea.
[Amy and Tails nod.]
Sticks: Oh yeah, dat's twue.
Tails: There's also the sewer system.
Sticks: Yeah. I definitely don't want that wesponsibiwity.
Amy: And have you tried those new moving sidewalks? Pretty sweet.
Sticks: You can make all the good observations you want, but don't come crying to me when Knuckles gets his pudgy government fingers all over ya lives!

[Scene change: Mayor's Mansion, day]

Knuckles: Next! What'cha got?
Lady Goat: Well, it's kind of a lo-o-o-ong list.
Knuckles: No time to read the list. Approved! [stamps it] Next?
Dr. Eggman: [pushes everyone else out of the way] Hey, Nerples. What's up with the trash collection? You got to...
Knuckles: Sorry, Egghead. There's a lot of people waiting. You'll have to take a number.
Dr. Eggman: It's out of numbers.
Knuckles: Then you'll need to fill out a complaint form.
Dr. Eggman: [grumbling] Can I get one?
Knuckles: I'd love to help you. Take a number.
Dr. Eggman: [growls and walks off]
Old Monkey: I have a request to shout “woo-hoo” in a public place.
Knuckles: Approved! [stamps it]
Old Monkey: Woo-hoo! That was the highpoint of my life.

[Scene change: Meh Burger, day] [Sonic and Tails are each eating a burger]

Walrus Male: Move over, pal! I’ve got permission to build my treehouse here!
Leroy: And I got permission to build my tunnel right here!
[Bell rings]
Wolfie: Out of the way! I’ve got a permit to build my lemonade factory here!
Sonic: We’d better go and sort this out.
[Sonic and Tails race off]

[Scene change: Library]

Amy: I’d like to check this one out.
Fastidious Beaver: Impossible! Thanks to the Organised Book Shelf Act, it is now illegal to check out books. Finally, I have protection from people who think books are for reading and not just sitting neatly in a row on the shelf.
Amy: [groans]

[Scene change: Village, day]

Ice Cream Vendor: My ice cream! Why?! Why did the village reverse its ban on flammable frozen treats?!
Lady Walrus: Help! It’s not moving! I’m stuck!
Dr. Eggman: Just walk! Use your legs!
Lady Walrus: My taxes pay for moving sidewalks! No way I’m using my legs!
Dr. Eggman: [growls and walks off]
[Leroy, Wolfie and Unnamed Walrus are still arguing]
Dr. Eggman: That red imbecile has done more damage to this village than in a few hours than I’ve done in years with my genius, worthwhile and well-executed plans! Knuckles must be stopped!
Sonic: As much as I hate to say it, Eggman, we’re with you. Now, we need a plan.

[Scene change: Mayor's Mansion, day]

Dave: You’ve got to outlaw peanut butter and pickle sandwiches. If people realise they can get cheap, barely edible food outside of Meh Burger, I’m out of a job.
Knuckles: Look at you. You who were once so proud. Go now and never return.
Dave: I see what’s going on here. You’re in the pocket of peanut butter and pickles. [gives Knuckles two fingers but accidentally pokes himself in the eyes] Ow! Any chance you could stamp some sort of universal healthcare law. [walks off]
Sonic: Okay, Knuckles, I order you to stand down. Lower your stamp and move away from the desk.
Knuckles: No.
Sonic: Well, I’m out of ideas.
Dr. Eggman: I’m not! [Prepares to fire his laser]
Knuckles: [Writes a law and stamps it] It’s now illegal to use your finger to activate a weapon.
Dr. Eggman: [growls and uses his elbow instead but accidentally zaps his foot] Ow! Any chance I can get any universal healthcare.
[Sonic, Tails, Amy and Sticks prepare to attack]
Knuckles: [stamps consecutive laws] No boomerangs! No hammers! No inventions! No spin attacks! No mayonnaise!
Fastidious: [groans sadly]
Amy: Knuckles! You’ve gone mad with power!
Knuckles: Oh, really? Well, would someone mad with power approve a law giving himself ultimate authority over everything?!
Sticks: That’s the dictionary definition of mad with power!
Knuckles: I wish I could corroborate that but it’s illegal to check books out of the library. [tries to stamp the law but notices it is blank] Huh! [tries again to no avail]
Sticks: Nice try, Knuckles but I’m afraid your stamp is out of ink.
[Knuckles stamps its repeatedly before throwing it in disgust. Eggman then picks the stamp up]
Sonic: Nice work. Now, destroy the stamp. [Notices Eggman is looking at the stamp] Eggman?
Dr. Eggman: I'm afraid there's been a slight change of plans. With this stamp, I now rule the village. First order of business: Strip waste management of all vacation time. [cackles]
Knuckles: Au, contraire, me amigo. Any chance to waste management requires Form 48C-13.
Dr. Eggman: And where do I find that?
Knuckles: You'll have to take a number.
Dr. Eggman: [growls and sends in his robots] Find me that form!
[The robots start trashing the office. Knuckles then launches an attack to which Amy and Sticks start to join in until Knuckles stops them]
Knuckles: I believe I outlawed those weapons.
Sonic: Knuckles, you've got to let us fight! Or else, Eggman's trash will be collected in a timely fashion.
Tails: Wait! Why are we fighting this?
Knuckles: Because he picked my stamp up off the ground and seized absolute power! [Knuckles growls and punches the ground, sending Eggman and his robots backwards]
Dr. Eggman: [growls until one of his robots hands him a form] Aha! Now to get some ink! Where's my octopus bot?
Cubot: Right here, boss. [Halts the robot outside the town hall and fires a blot of ink onto Eggman's stamp]
Dr. Eggman: [cackles]
Sticks: [growls and fire a chunk of a robot at the stamp, destroying it]
Dr. Eggman: Look what you've done! You've created more trash that won't get hauled away!
Mayor Fink: [enters the room] Ah, it's always good to get away for a few hours. [sees the mess] What the...?!
Dr. Eggman: Any chance I can have my trash collected?
Knuckles: Sorry about the mess. But you know how it is being mayor, stamping everything that comes across your desk, regardless of its merits.
Sonic: You have no idea how happy we are to see you, sir.
[Sonic, Amy and Knuckles leave the office whilst Mayor Fink takes another stamp from his desk. Sticks gives Mayor Fink the fingers before walking off]
Mayor Fink: Take a number.
Dr. Eggman: [sighs in frustration]
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