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New Year's Retribution

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This is the transcript for the Sonic Boom episode, "New Year's Retribution".

[The title card depicts Fastidious Beaver blowing a noisemaker he is holding in his right hand as Amy cheers in mid-air. The screen fades to black.]

[Scene change: Village Center, day]

[Sonic, Tails, and Sticks watch as Knuckles holds a ladder steady with both his hands, which Amy is at the top of. Amy ties some decorations at the top of the tree the ladder is near with both her hands.]
Amy: Come on, everybody! These decorations aren't gonna hang themselves!
[Tails is revealed to be holding a bazooka in his right hand.]
Tails: Oh, aren't they?
[Tails aims his bazooka at the huts, hanging decorations from them. He then turns to face Amy.]
Amy: They still didn't hang themselves. Your machine did it!
[Amy crosses her arms, as does Knuckles.]
Knuckles: Not cool, Tails!
[Sticks walks up to Tails.]
Sticks: Take those things down! You're gonna attract bugs, and aliens, and kumquats, and list jokes!
[Sonic walks up to Tails and Sticks.]
Sonic: Come on, guys, lay off him!
[Tails' decorations come crashing down. Sonic then puts his left hand on Tails' right shoulder.]
Sonic: Way to ruin New Year's, dude!
Knuckles: Is that the holiday where a giant rabbit breaks into your house and hides painted eggs?
[Amy pushes a white new year's ball with colored dots on it with both her hands.]
Amy: Knuckles, forget about your crazy holidays, and help me get this ball on top of that pole!
[Knuckles grabs the pole with both his hands and lifts it. Amy puts the ball where the pole was, and Knuckles puts the pole back over the ball. Amy attaches the hook to the ball with her right hand, and Knuckles turns the crank with his right hand, lifting the ball to the top of the pole.]
Amy: When it drops to the bottom, then it's exactly midnight, and the start of the new year!
[Sticks runs up to Knuckles, causing him to let go of the crank.]
Sticks: Don't trust her, Knuckles! I told you about the kumquats!
[Amy gasps as the ball falls. She tries to hold it back up with both her hands, and grunts, but the ball pushes her to the bottom of the pole and breaks.]
Tails: You really dropped the ball!
[Tails giggles, until Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks all stare angrily at him.]
Tails: Not cool?
[The screen suddenly rumbles, and Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks all turn their attention to it.]
Sonic: Huh?
[Dr. Eggman laughs evilly as he pilots his Eggmobile and four Ball Bots bounce alongside him. They all float alongside him.]
Dr. Eggman: Okay, Ball Bots, let's roll!
[The ball bots roll on the ground and Sonic jumps onto one of them. He walks backwards on it, and jumps off it just in time as it hits a tree, which destroys it. Knuckles then grunts as he punches a Ball Bot that rolls towards him with his left hand, getting it stuck inside it.]
Knuckles: Huh?
[Knuckles grunts as he punches a Ball Bot that rolls towards him with his right hand, getting it stuck inside it. He lifts both Ball Bots up and flexes with them. He then grunts as he tosses the ball bots back at Eggman, causing them to hit his Eggmobile and cause a great deal of damage to it.]
Eggman: Whoa-oa-oa!
[Eggman's Eggmobile loses its balance and turns upside down.]
Eggman: Ah, what's the use?
[Eggman flies away in defeat, and Tails is now holding his bazooka in his right hand again. He aims it at the last Ball Bot and fires decorations at it. The decorations cause the Ball Bot to spin and toss them onto the houses. Sonic, Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks all look around in amazement.]
Amy: The decorations look great, Tails, and this'll make a great New Year's Eve ball!
[Knuckles picks up the pole with both his hands as Amy pushes the Ball Bot to where the pole was with both her hands. Knuckles sticks the pole in the Ball Bot, destroying it, and Amy attaches the hook to it with her left hand. Knuckles then turns the crank with his left hand, lifting the Ball Bot to the top of the pole.

[Scene change: Eggman's lair, day]

[The camera zooms in on the lair. Inside, Eggman walks up to the doors as they open.]
Eggman: Great! Here it is, New Year's Eve, and I still haven't fulfilled my New Year's resolution from last year!
[Orbot and Cubot stare at Eggman.]
Orbot: Was that the one to become a more benevolent master?
Eggman: I'll show you benevolent, you bag of bolts!
[Eggman pulls out a rolled-up magazine with his right hand and hits Orbot on the head with it. Orbot rubs his sore head with both his hands.]
Orbot: Clearly one of us doesn't know what "Benevolent" means.
Cubot: Two of us!
Eggman: All I wanted was to have one decisive victory over Sonic! Just one! I'm so miserable, I barely enjoyed smacking you with that magazine!
Cubot: It's sad when we no longer enjoy our hobbies!
Orbot: Well, don't you worry, Sir! I've dreamed up a New Year's Eve party that's going to really put the spring back into your step!
[Orbot floats up to a radio and reaches behind it with his left hand.]
Eggman: If you pull out a checkers board, I'm gonna sell you for scrap metal!
[Sure enough, Cubot is holding a black and white checkerboard in his left hand, which he puts back behind the radio upon hearing what Eggman said.]

[Scene change: Village Center, night]

[Everyone is enjoying the New Year's Eve party. Lady Walrus and the Walrus Male are dancing together, Wolfie and Diane Aardvark are sitting at a table together as Dave the Intern brings them their dinner, which he is holding in his right hand, and the Child Monkey, Wild Cat, Mike the Ox, Stratford, Lady Goat, and Knuckles (who is dressed in a hot dog costume) are all in a conga line. Leroy the Turtle is at the DJ system, scratching the records with both his hands. The Child Monkey, Wild Cat, Mike, Stratford, Lady Goat, and Knuckles all cheer as they conga, and Lady Walrus and the Walrus Male continue dancing together. Sonic and Amy watch as the Child Monkey, Wild Cat, Mike, Stratford, Lady Goat, and Knuckles all conga past them.]
Sonic: Why are you dressed like that?
[Knuckles stops upon hearing Sonic, and turns to face him.]
Knuckles: Isn't New Years the holiday where you put on a costume and threaten to prank strangers if they don't give you candy?
Amy: That's not a holiday, it's extortion.
Knuckles: I'm hearin' a lot of words, but I'm not seein' any candy, lady!
[Knuckles holds up a trick-or-treat bag with both his hands. Admiral Beaverton, Diane Aardvark, Wolfie, Professor Cluckins, a yellow Ox in a blue shirt and hat, Gunther, and T.W. Barker are all gathered around the Walrus Camera Man, who films Soar the Eagle, who is holding a microphone in his left hand.]
Soar: Soar the Eagle reporting live from Village Center, where the New Year's Festvities are in full swing! People have come from far and wide! Men, women, children, celebrities, politicians, some nut in a hot dog suit.
Knuckles: I think he's talking about me!
Soar: It would be hard to find anyone who's not having a great time tonight!

[Scene change: Eggman's lair]

[Cubot watches Eggman play a game of checkers with Orbot, who points his left index finger at the board.]
Cubot: I could jump you there or there, but then you could jump me there or even there, but, ooh! I can double jump you there, and...
[Eggman swats the board off the table with his left hand and growls angrily. Orbot and Cubot flinch in fear.]
Eggman: This is the worst New Year's party ever!
Cubot: Well, it is now!
[Orbot floats in, carrying a slow cooker, which he is holding with both his hands. He sets it down on the table.]
Orbot: Let's not forget dear old Orbot's famous mouth-watering slow-cooked New Year's roast!
[Orbot lifts the lid with his left hand, revealing a pot roast inside.]
Eggman: It, too, is just a sad, yet succulent reminder of how quickly everything else in life moves.
Cubot: A slow cooker is truly one of life's most poetic small kitchen appliances.
Orbot: If only everything moved at the same pace as the marinating juices of my roast.
Eggman: Then I'd have another chance to fulfill my New Year's resolution! That's it!
[Eggman picks up the slow cooker with both his hands and stands up.]
Eggman: If I can just harness the technology of this slow cooker, I can create a Slow Motion Machine!
Cubot: And what would that do?
[Orbot and Cubot turn to face each other.]
Orbot: Slow everything down!
Eggman: Giving me more time before the end of the year to defeat Sonic!
[Eggman pours the pot roast out of the slow cooker, causing it to land on the table and the sauce to splash Orbot and Cubot. He then sets the slow cooker upside down on the table, picks up a screwdriver with his right hand, and uses it to pry the bottom off with, revealing an energy ball underneath.]
Eggman: There it is, the power source that makes a slow cooker cook slowly!
[Orbot is revealed to be holding a rag in his right hand, which he uses to wipe the sauce off his head with.]
Orbot: And here I thought it was a mixture of patience, low heat, and collected condensation.
[Eggman picks up the energy ball with his right hand.]
Eggman: Nope, glowing energy ball.

[Scene change: Village Center, night]

[Comedy Chimp is holding a microphone in his right hand.]
Comedy Chimp: Welcome back to Comedy Chimp's New Year's adequate eve. Sponsored by Meh Burger, home of the new ten-alarm super atomic chili!
[Meh Burger's ten-alarm super atomic chili appears in front of Comedy Chimp, who picks up a chip from it with his left hand and puts it in his mouth.]
Comedy Chimp: Ten alarm? This thing's barely ketchup! I mean, I'm sure it'll kick in eventually. Now, let's see who's out celebrating! How bout you, sir? Excited?
[The camera zooms out, revealing Knuckles, who is holding a pillow in his right arm and wearing a blue nightcap, to be standing to Comedy Chimp's right side.]
Knuckles: You bet! I just hope the obese man who watches me sleep doesn't think I've been naughty. Otherwise, he might not sneak into my house and leave presents!
Comedy Chimp: Right. Oh, there's the Mayor!
[Comedy Chimp, who is now holding the microphone in his left hand, walks up to Mayor Fink.]
Comedy Chimp: Mr. Mayor, a word?
[The Walrus Camera Man focuses on Mayor Fink, who scratches his head with his right index finger.]
Mayor Fink: Uh, uh, look, uh, the... the allegations that I used the town's money to buy myself a vacation island are totally untrue!
Comedy Chimp: Uh, I was gonna ask you to say a few words before the start of the countdown.
Mayor Fink: Oh! Well, in that case, I just want to wish everyone a very happy new year, and you're all welcome to come visit me on my private vacation island! Um, I mean, if I ever get one, of course! No more questions!
[Mayor Fink walks away. The Child Monkey, Wild Cat, Mike the Ox, Stratford, Lady Goat, and Knuckles all cheer as they conga past him. The Child Monkey bumps into a pole, which causes the basket at the top to open, revealing confetti, which flies out of it. The villagers cheer as Lady Walrus and the Walrus Male continue dancing together, and the Child Monkey, Wild Cat, Mike, Stratford, Lady Goat, and Knuckles all continue congaing. Eggman flies his Eggmobile down to them. He is holding the Slow Motion Machine in his right hand.]
Eggman: We're gonna slow this next one down, for the ladies!
[Sonic is standing next to Leroy, and he runs up to Eggman upon hearing what he said. Eggman tosses the Slow Motion Machine into the air and presses the button on his wrist controller with his right index finger, activating the slow motion machine and causing everything and everyone, even Sonic, to slow down. Fastidious Beaver slowly blows the noisemaker he is holding in his right hand and Amy jumps slowly into the air. Sonic grunts and pants heavily as he struggles to run fast.]
Eggman: Sonic, my little friend! And by "Friend", I mean "Enemy". Happy New Year! And by "Happy", I mean "Awful", and by "New Year", I mean "Not Yet New Year".
Sonic: What's going on here, Egghead?
Eggman: Isn't it obvious? My Slow Motion Machine has slowed everything down! slow, of course, for you, is just normal speed.
Sonic: What about you?
Eggman: Well, if you'd paid attention in Evil Scientist School in a desparate attempt to get your father's approval, you'd know that... aw, can't we just skip ahead to the part where I destroy you? Let's go with a classic! Laser beam!
[Eggman presses the button on his wrist controller with his left index finger. The Slow Motion Machine causes the laser beam to fire slowly. Sonic yawns, then moves out of the way as the laser beam flies slowly past him. He then moves back to face Eggman.]
Sonic: Nice try, Egghead! Your father would be proud.
Eggman: Robots, attack!
[The Slow Motion Machine causes a swarm of Bee Bots to fly slowly towards Sonic and Eggman.]
Eggman: They... they'll... they'll be here in a minute. Just hang on.
Sonic: I can't wait around all day for your slow bots!
Eggman: All right, need a new plan!
Sonic: Oh, here's an idea! How bout' I destroy your Slow Motion Machine, and we call it a day?
Eggman: Brilliant plan, Sonic! Oh, wait, totally forgot to mention, if you do that, everyone and everything will be stuck in slow motion forever!
[Sonic groans unhappily.]
Eggman: Tell you what, let's settle this with one final test of our abilities. Just you and me, one-on-one! Mono-a-mono! Peaches and cream! If you win, maybe, just maybe, I'll be convinced to switch my machine off and return the world to its normal speed.
Sonic: Did you just say "Peaches and cream"?
Eggman: Quit stalling!

[Scene change: Village Center, night]

[Fastidious Beaver contines blowing his noisemaker slowly, and Amy continues cheering in mid-air. Lady Walrus and the Walrus Male continue dancing slowly, and the Child Monkey, Wild Cat, Mike, Stratford, Lady Goat, and Knuckles all continue congaing slowly. The camera moves over to a table that Sonic and Eggman are sitting at as they play a game of majong. Sonic is holding a domino with three red dots and six black ones in his right hand and sets it down near a domino with four red dots.]
Sonic: Bam! Game over!
[Eggman growls angrily and swats the dominoes with his left hand, but the Slow Motion Machine causes them to float in mid-air.]
Eggman: That would've been far more dramatic at normal speed.
Sonic: Well, Eggman, I won fair and square. Shut off your machine!
Eggman: Give me one more shot!

[Scene change: Village Center, night]

[Sonic plays a game of hopscotch, with the stone on the 12. When he reaches the 12, he picks up the stone with his left hand. He tosses it into the air, where it floats in mid-air. Eggman then plays hopscotch, with the stone on the 8. When he gets to the 3, he loses his balance.]
Eggman: Whoa-oa-oa!
[Eggman falls over.]
Eggman: Oof!

[Scene change: Village Center, night]

[Sonic is holding a pole with both his hands as he runs up to a pole vault. He successfully makes it over the bar and lands on the mat on the other side.]
Sonic: Ha ha!
[Eggman is now holding the pole in both his hands as he runs up to the pole vault. The pole breaks in half and Eggman falls over.]
Eggman: Oof!

[Scene change: Village Center, night]

[Sonic is holding a coin in his right hand, and tosses it into the air. The Slow Motion Machine causes it to float in mid-air. Sonic yawns as he waits for the coin to hit the ground.]

[Scene change: Village Center, night]

[Sonic and Eggman are at a ping-pong table, and each of them is holding a paddle in their right hand. Sonic's is blue, and Eggman's is red. Sonic is also holding the ball in his left hand. He tosses it in the air and hits it with his paddle, but the Slow Motion Machine causes the ball to move very slowly. Eggman laughs evilly, then hits the table with his paddle, breaking the table. Sonic stares at Eggman.]

[Scene change: Village Center, night]

[Sonic and Eggman are playing a game of Bingo, with Sonic having a blue board and markers, and Eggman having a red board and markers.]
Sonic: Bingo!

[Scene change: Village Center, night]

[Sonic and Eggman are playing a game of Gin Rummy, and Sonic sets his cards down on the table.]
Sonic: Gin!

[Scene change: Village Center, night]

[Sonic and Eggman are playing a game of chess.]
Sonic: Checkmate!
Eggman: I can't believe it's come down to this!
[Sonic and Eggman are now playing a game of checkers. Sonic has the white checkers, and Eggman has the black. Sonic manages to jump Eggman's last three checkers.]
Eggman: Man, I hate checkers!
[Eggman swats the checkerboard with his left hand, and the Slow Motion Machine causes it and the checkers on it to float in mid-air. Eggman then growls and tries to grab the checkers with both his hands. He eventually grabs a black one with his right hand, puts it on the ground, and stomps on it with his right foot.]
Mayor Fink (slowly): Ten!
[The Ball Bot begins to drop. Eggman pants heavily, then turns to face Sonic.]
Eggman: All I wanted was a chance to beat you at one thing! Just once before the end of the year! Is that too much for a villain to ask?
Sonic: You did all this just to notch some kind of victory over me?
Eggman: Maybe.
Sonic: Yeah, I guess I have been pretty dominant this year.
Eggman: You guess? You guess?! I made a New Year's Resolution to beat you one time this year, and here I am, ten seconds before midnight, and I can't even win a simple game of checkers!
[Comedy Chimp tosses a roll of tape, which he is holding in his right hand, into the air slowly as Lady Walrus and the Walrus Male continue dancing slowly.]
Comedy Chimp, Lady Walrus, and Walrus Male (slowly): Nine!
[The Ball Bot continues dropping slowly.]
Sonic: Tell you what, Egghead, You still got a couple seconds left! In the spirit of the new year, I challenge you to a dance-off!
Eggman: A dance-off? What, are you making fun of me? Not cool, Sonic!
[The Child Monkey, Wild Cat, Mike, Stratford, Lady Goat, and Knuckles all continue congaing slowly.]
Child Monkey, Wild Cat, Mike the Ox, Stratford, Lady Goat, and Knuckles (slowly): Eight!
[The Ball Bot continues dropping slowly.]
Sonic: I'm serious; the end of the year is a time for letting loose and having crazy fun! What's more fun than a dance-off!
[Fastidious Beaver continues blowing his nosemaker as Amy has finally reached the ground.]
Fastidious Beaver and Amy (slowly): Seven!
[The Ball Bot continues dropping slowly.]
Sonic: So, we gonna dance or what?
Eggman: Check this!
[Eggman presses the buttons on his wrist controller with his left index finger, causing music to play. Eggman does the moonwalk, the robot, dances on one leg, and spins around, stopping on his left hand.]
Eggman: What!
Mayor Fink, Lady Goat, and Knuckles (slowly): Six!
[The Ball Bot continues dropping slowly.]
Sonic: Aight, Aight, my turn!
[Sonic breakdances, then spins around, stopping on his right hand, then his left. Comedy Chimp is holding a microphone in his left hand, and Soar is holding one of his own in his right.]
Comedy Chimp and Soar (slowly): Five!
[Eggman does some Russian dancing, then spins on his left hand.]
Sonic: Here goes nothin'!
[Sonic spins on his head, then loses control and screams as he spins into some boxes of party decorations.]
Sonic: Ow!
[Sticks is floating in mid-air, next to Tails, who is standing next to the Child Monkey, Wild Cat, Mike, and Stratford, who all continue their conga.]
Sticks, Tails, Child Monkey, Wild Cat, Mike, and Stratford (slowly): Four!
[The Ball Bot continues dropping slowly.]
Sonic: Looks like you won, Egghead!
Eggman: I won? I beat Sonic!
[Eggman turns away from Sonic, and laughs evilly.]
Eggman: Hey, everybody!
[Eggman looks over Tails, Sticks, Wolfie, the Walrus Male, Lady Walrus, Knuckles, Mayor Fink, Mike, Wild Cat, and Amy, all of whom are still stuck in slow-motion.]
Eggman: Oh, right!
[Eggman taps the button on his wrist controller with his right index finger three times, disabling the Slow Motion Machine, and setting everything in normal speed again, causing Sticks to land.]
Tails, Sticks, Wolfie, Walrus Male, Lady Walrus, Knuckles, Mayor Fink, Mike, Stratford, Amy, Wild Cat, and Child Monkey: Three, two, one!
[The Ball Bot drops to the bottom of the pole and breaks.]
Amy, Child Monkey, Wild Cat, Mike, Stratford, Mayor Fink, and Knuckles: Happy New Year!
[Sticks chatters unintelligibly as she looks at the camera. Tails is now holding a bazooka in both his hands and fires fireworks into the air. Tails, Amy, the Walrus Male, Sticks, Knuckles, Mrs. Vandersnout, and Soar all stare in amazement at them as Eggman walks up to them. Tails turns to face him.]
Eggman: Hey, everybody, I beat Sonic! Kneel before me!
Sticks: What are you talking about?
Eggman: It was a dance-off, and I won! Didn't you see? It was right here!
[The camera moves over to Sonic.]
Sonic: Technically, it happened in the blink of an eye. Nobody saw anything!
Eggman: What? But, but... I... Oh!
Sonic: Well, nobody but me.
[Eggman stares at Sonic in confusion.]
Sonic: Happy New Year, Eggman!
Eggman: Happy New Year, you blue son of a gun!
[Knuckles walks up to Sonic and Eggman.]
Knuckles: Hey, guys! I just saw my shadow! Six more weeks of winter!
[Sonic and Eggman look at each other and chuckle. They then look up at the fireworks as the screen fades to black, ending the episode.]
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