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Tommy Thunder: Method Actor (transcript)

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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Tommy Thunder: Method Actor".

[Scene: Meh Burger, day]

[The episode starts with Team Sonic talking about Tommy Thunder.]
Knuckles: I can't believe we're about to meet Tommy Thunder! He's my favorite movie star! He's got it all: Strength, muscles, ability to LIFT stuff!
Amy: Not to mention eyes you could get lost in for days!
Tails: Hey, remember when Tommy was being chased by ninja pirates while skiing down Haunted Mountain?
Knuckles: What movie was that again?
Tails: Ninja Ski Pirates on Haunted Mountain?
Knuckles: I don't think that was it.
Sonic: Tommy's movies are great, but his heroics can sometimes seem unrealistic.
Sticks: Oh come ON! It doesn't get any MORE realistic than the underwater bear fight in "Mutant Commando 3"!
Dave: Ladies and gentlemen, here to promote his new movie with some cheaply made Meh Meal toys... which by the way are guaranteed to have 12% fewer jagged edges!...
[Dave touches the toy, hurting his finger.]
Dave: Ow...
[The toy falls to the ground.]
Dave: Anyway, here he is, the star of Tommy Thunder presents: Tommy Thunder in "Rise of the Thunder King"... Tommy... uh... [Gets a piece of paper from the table] Thunder.
[Dave leaves as soon as Tommy Thunder zips to the chair. The crowd cheers.]
Tommy: Tommy is happy to be here. [Whispering] Ugh, this place is a dump.
Stratford: Tommy, you're our hero.
Tommy: That's great. Maybe you can be a hero someday too!
[Tommy hands an awkward photo of him with his signature to Stratford. The crowd walks away, allowing Team Sonic to go the front.]
Sonic: Hi Mr.Thunder, we're all big fans of your work-
Tommy: [Interrupts Sonic's sentence] That's great, maybe you can be a hero someday too!
Tails: Did you hear that, Sonic? He said I could be a hero someday!
Sonic: You ARE a hero, Tails.
Tails: Thanks. Though it means a lot less coming from you.
[Soar, along with the Walrus Camera Man, come in to interview Tommy Thunder, interrupting the conversation with Team Sonic.]
Soar: : Excuse me, coming through... stand aside...We're here with Tommy Thunder. Movie star, humanitarian, patron saint of kick-buttery!
Knuckles: Mmm... buttery.
Soar: : Yes, sir, Tommy Thunder's a hero!
Sonic: : He's not a hero, he's an actor! He doesn't actually save lives.
Mrs. Vandersnout: : You've saved my life, Tommy Thunder! When I was ill, your movies were the one bright spot in my otherwise bleak existence. You're a true hero.
[The crowd awws her.]
Sonic: : (whispering) Oh fine he helped some old lady...
[Cut to Beaver Policeman blowing his whistle.]
Beaver Policeman: : I'm not to alarm everyone, but... EGGMAN'S ATTACKING! EVERY MAN, WOMAN AND CHILD FOR HIM, HER AND/OR ITSELF! But me first.
[Everyone screams.]
[Cut to a bakery, where Eggman is shooting lasers at a baker.]
Eggman: : I ordered a BAKER's dozen! That's supposed to be 13 rugalas, not 12.
[Sonic moves the baker out of the way, while the rest of Team Sonic comes in and goes into action.]
Eggman: : This doesn't concern you, hedgehog.
[Eggman presses a button on his wristwatch 3 times, calling some Bee Bots that shoot lasers at him.]
Sonic: : Knuckles, toss me one of those day-old baguettes.
[Knuckles tosses him a day-old baguette, which Sonic tests. The baguette is as hard as a rock, so Sonic uses it.]
Sonic: : Batter up!
[Sonic hits two Bee Bots, with one of them missing a laser. He spins around and hits the third one, making like a home run.]
[The last Bee Bot hits the Egg Mobile, sending Eggman flying.]
Eggman: : WHY DO ALL OF MY SOCIAL INTERACTIONS END LIKE THISSSSS?
[Team Sonic celebrates as well as the villagers.]
Tommy: Tommy's gotta admit, Tommy's impressed!
Sonic: Maybe even YOU can be a hero someday!
Tommy: Touche. But you're right you know, Tommy Thunder's not a hero. Just a devilishly good looking actor. [Straightens his jacket] Number one box office draw and rich beyond your wildest dreams. Buuut, not a hero like you guys.
Sonic: Well, I'm glad to hear-
Tommy:[Interrupts Sonic's sentence] Speaking of segways, could Tommy follow you around for a few days? As a method actor it'll really help in getting into his next action role.
[Tails, Knuckles, Amy and Sticks are excited]
Tails: Really?
Knuckles: Awesome!
Amy:Sweet!
Sticks: People always follow me.
Sonic: [unsure] Uhh... I dunno. You're kind of-
Tommy: An egomaniac?
Sonic: Right. And there's no room for ego on Team Sonic!
[The rest of the gang is not amused]
Amy:Ahem!
Sonic:...and friends! [Turns to them] I was gonna include you guys! [whispers] albeit not individually... Anyway, [Turns to Tommy] I just don't think it'll be a good fit, okay?

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, day]

[Tommy Thunder walks up to Sonic's Shack.]
Tommy: Knock Knock! [Imitates knocking] I have to say that because you don't have a door. It's...[Looks around] kinda pathetic actually.
[Sonic is resting on his hammock.]
Sonic: [annoyed] What do you want, Tommy?
Tommy: You're right. Being a hero isn't about ego. It's about, [Goes out and comes back in with a tray with a basket of a carved watermelon of Sonic's head.] elaborate gifts!
[Sonic comes forward]
Tommy: It's your visage in melon form. So, now can I follow you on your action packed adventures?
Sonic: [Unamused] Slam. I have to say that because I don't actually have a door.

[Scene Change: Meh Burger, night]

[ Amy, Tails, Knuckles, Tommy, and Sticks watch as Salty walks over and opens the belt to Mhe Burger's VIP section.]
Tails: I didn't know Meh Burger had a VIP section!
Tommy: It doesn't. [winks]
[Tommy walks forward and opens the gate while the others follow him. They walk in a corner until they see the VIP section. Dave, wearing a formal suit, motions them inside.]
Dave: Right this way Mr. Thunder!
Amy: Wow! He didn't sigh and roll his eyes at us!
Tommy: When you ride with Tommy Thunder, you get the star treatment.
[Soon, everyone is seated and food is already served on the table]
Tails: Wow, these plates are so clean, you could almost eat off them! [Takes a pizza slice]
Amy: Thanks for bringing us here Tommy. It was really nice of you.
Tommy: Yes it was! [zips closer to Amy] So anyway, about your buddy Sonic...

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, day]

[Amy is already inside]
Amy: I was just thinking, completely on my own, that you should give him another chance! Let him follow you for a few days.
Sonic: [On his hammock, irritated] But he's such a phony! Only a slackjawed rube would be charmed by that guy.
Amy: [giggles] Right. But weren't you just saying how unrealistic his movies are? This is your chance to fix that! He can finally make a film that expresses what it's really like to be a hero!
Sonic: Alright, I'll give him another shot. [Stands up] Now if you'll excuse me, I have to dispose of a rotten half eaten fruit sculpture of my head.

[Scene Change: Village Center, day]

[Sonic and Tommy are walking in the Village Center. Tommy is wearing most of Sonic's attire.]
Tommy: You will not regret this! Tommy's so excited to learn about the "hero process".
Sonic: Yeah, just try to stay out of my way, okay?
Tommy: You won't even know I'm here. [Sonic stops walking but Tommy zips around him.] So, what's your workout routine? What time do you go to bed? Eh, what time do you wake up? Have you ever tried gespatcho? What IS gespactcho? [Sonic has a shocked expression on his face]

[Scene Change: Tails' Workshop, day]

[Sonic is sitting on a table irritated, while Tails is working on something.]
Sonic: [annoyed] Agh, it's frusterating to be followed around by someone so annoying. [slams fists on the table.]
Tails: [looks up] Well sorrrrrrrrrrrry!
Sonic: Not you, him! [points to Tommy.]
Tommy: You know some people don't get that us hero types need time to brood.
[Sonic grunts in annoyance while Tommy mimics them, also copying his poses. Suddenly, an alarm is heard on Tails' computer.]
Tails: [Checks the computer] There's a robbery in the Village!
[Sonic stands and runs off, Tommy imitates the stance, but walks instead.]

[Scene Change: Village Center, day]

[Three Weasel Bandits walk out of a shop, each holding a television as a police cop alarm goes off.]
Weasel Bandit: Can you believe the price we got on these? Hah! What a steal!
[Knuckles, Sticks, and Amy are already there. Sonic arrives on the scene.]
Sonic: Oh crud, Weasel Bandits. And they're extra punny today.[Tails arrives] Gang, let's get to work! [Tommy arrives] Tommy, stay out of the way.
[Sticks lands on one side of a wooden seesaw. Amy hits the other side with her hammer, launching Sticks towards two bandits and taking them down. This sends two TVs flying, but Knuckles catches them.]
[The third Weasel Bandit is seen running away. Screen cuts to Sonic.]
Sonic: Tails, give me a boost!
[Tails holds out his hands as he flies. Sonic grabs hold and both chase after the bandit. One swing, and Tails lets go, and Sonic spin attacks the Weasel Bandit and sends the last TV flying. Knuckles catches it and balances them carefully.]
[Sonic gives a thumbs up and brings the Weasel Bandits together, gets a rope, and ties them up.]
Sonic: And that's how we-
[Record scratching is heard]
Tommy: [Interrupting Sonic's sentence] Cut! That was great. Hey, you mind if I step in for take 2, I have some ideas that I think would really improve the scene.
Sonic: [Irritated] You can't do a retake in a battle!
Weasel Bandit: It's okay! We can do a retake! Anything for Tommy Thunder! [The other Bandits agree.]
Tommy:[Comes forward and unties the ropes, the Weasel Bandits hold the rope.] Okay, so, you guys just stand in this clip here, like you've just been defeated and humiliated. And Tommy will just wrap you up with this rope! [Tommy quickly ties them up].
[Soon, Soar is at the scene.]
Soar: And there you have it folks! Movie star Tommy Thunder single handedly captured this pack of vicious Bandits.
[The Weasel Bandits applaud him]
Tommy: I didn't do it all myself, I had a lot of help! My manager, my agent, my stylist, that uh, little goober with the two tails.
[Cut to Tails and Knuckles, who are stacking the Tv's together.]
Knuckles: [excitedly] I think he's talking about me!
[Cut to Tommy.]
Tommy: And of course Sonic. He's the one who taught me how to be the realistic hero that I am today.
[Cut to Sonic.]
Sonic: [mumbling in annoyance] Now he'll make everyone think he's so cool.

[Scene Change: Sonic's Shack, day.]

[Tommy Thunder arrives at the shack.]
Tommy: Knock knock! Still no door huh?
[Sonic walks forward]
Sonic: [Uninterested] What do you want Tommy?
Tommy: I just wanted to thank you for teaching Tommy how to think, feel and behave like a real hero. Now Tommy's got the whole thing done cold!
Sonic: Wait a sec, Tommy dosen't-[Stops and changes his sentence] I mean, you don't think you actually captured those Weasel Bandits do you?
Tommy: Eh Tommy sees what's going on here, you're jealous! Tommy be jealous of Tommy too.
Sonic: What?! I'm not jealous!
Tommy: Tommy dosen't have time to argue, he's late for his appearance on the Comedy Chimp Show. Tommy Thunder, out! [Poses and walks out while Sonic growls in anger.]

[Scene Change: Comedy Chimp's studio, night.]

[The Comedy Chimp show begins.Tommy is seated on a green lounge chair, while Comedy Chimp is seated on his desk. The room is decorated with lights.]
Comedy Chimp: So Tommy, tell me about your harrowing battle with those n'er do well reprobates.
[Tommy gives a confused expression.]
Comedy Chimp: The uh criminals.
Tommy: Oh, uh yeah, Tommy looked at those thugs, there must've been about 50 of them, all with heat vision and wielding machetes. But Tommy said to them, "Not today."

[Cut to Eggman's Lair, night, while the the Comedy Chimp Show is still playing.]

Comedy Chimp: You don't monkey around! [Sitcom laughter]
[Inside the lair, Eggman in his pajamas, baking muffins. He walks towards the oven.]
Tommy:...Happen to have the nuclear launch codes...
Eggman: [singing] Making some muffins on a Tuesday night! [Closes the oven].
[Eggman sets the time and watches the show]
Comedy Chimp: [Continues] Wow, sounds like you're ready for anything, even that evil Doctor Eggman.
[Eggman turns to the screen in amusement]
Tommy: I can take on a thousand Eggmen. [Audience gasps. Tommy turns to the camera.] You hear that doc? Tommy Thunder's calling you out! [Applause is heard.]
Eggman: [angrily] WHAT THE SNAP?! I suppose I'll have to retaliate. Well there goes my evening,[Changes the settings of the oven] and now I've gotta put on pants...

[Scene Change: Village Center, night.]

[Tommy is walking, while being in a call.]
Tommy: Hey, be honest with me, How'd Tommy look on camera? [squeaky responses] Hehe yeah, those shoelifts really help.
[The call is interrupted by Obliterator Bot stomping the ground, followed by the appearance of Motobugs, Crab Bots and Bee Bots. They all surround Tommy. Eggman arrives in his Eggmobile.]]
Eggman: [taunting] Well, well. If it isn't Tommy "Blunder". International superstar! And hurter of feelings.
Tommy: Uh Malcolm, gotta call you back. [closes mobile phone] Hey, biggie! Don't take any of that stuff Tommy said too seriously it's all part of the show! [laughs nervously]
Eggman: Well you make an interesting point, but on the other hand, Obliterator Bot, [Points to Obliterator Bot] OBLITERATE!
[Obliterator Bot charges up and fires several lasers. Tommy barely dodges them.]
Tommy: Ahh! Mommy! [Kneels to Sonic, who is watching him. He turns to Sonic and begs.] I'm not really a hero I'm just an actor! [whispers] an "A-list actor but still! [Grabs Sonic's foot] My name's not really Tommy Thunder either. It's Irwin Fertelmeister!
Sonic: Well Irwin, in that case...
[Music simular to the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog theme plays. Sonic zooms forward and knocks a Motobug away. He Spin Dashes the other badniks destroying them and kicks a Bee Bot.]
[Obliterator Bot activates his chainsaw and walks forward. Tommy walks back in fear, but Sonic zooms forward, dodging the chainsaw two times, and then jumping to it's claw.]
[Screen zooms to Sonic, who cockily waves at Obliterator Bot. Eyes red, the scene is in slow motion as Obliterator Bot chops it's other arm off, with Sonic jumping out of the way in time.]
Eggman: Hey! What did Obliterator Bot ever do to you? Other than try to obliterate you...
[Sonic pulls out a blue Enerbeam and then ties it around Obliterator Bot's legs. The robot loses it's balance and falls on a Crab Bot, destroying it. A cat noise is heard.]
Eggman: Grrr! [Wrist Communicator starts beeping] Ah, you're lucky my muffins are ready. [Drives away]
[Several villagers, and Soar arrive at the scene,]
Soar: We've just arrived on the scene of what appears to have been an epic battle between Tommy Thunder, and Eggman. Let's ask this bystander about Tommy's heroics in this latest bruhaha!
[Soar hands the microphone over to Sonic, with the latter looking at Tommy, who flinches. Sonic glances at the crowd, who is cheering for Tommy.]
Sonic: [slumps forward and sighs] Uh, Tommy was great. A true hero!
Tommy: Yep, that's right! [walks towards Soar.] Tommy did it all! [snatches microphone.] And now that his hero research is finished, Tommy's ready to deliver a complicated nuance performance in his most realistic film to date, "Attack of the Giant Hand People!!...In space.

[Scene Change: Village Center, day.]

[Team Sonic is walking towards Meh Burger's VIP room.]
Amy: Sonic, you showed a great deal of maturity in sharing credit with Tommy. Get ready for your reward!
Tails:You're gonna love the Oysters Rockafeller!
[They stop at Meh Burger, with Dave in front.]
Knuckles: We're here for the VIP room?
Dave: There is no VIP room. [Record scratching is heard] And there never was...
[Cut to Team Sonic, looking disappointed.]
Sticks: I knew it. [The gang looks at her in confusion.]
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