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Untouchable Sonic

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This is the transcript for the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog episode, "Untouchable Sonic".

Note: Scenes that were cut from certain reruns are highlighted in red.

[The episode begins with a view of a road near a town. The camera moves to the lower-right side of the screen, where a Mole Farmer is digging with a shovel he is holding in both his hands. He turns to his right side and holds his left hand up to his left ear. Sonic runs past him, with Tails flying behind him, and they spin the Mole Farmer into a hole. A geyser erupts, and it launches the Mole Farmer into the air. Sonic then runs through a boulder, splitting it in half and revealing a dinosaur skeleton inside. Tails flies past the dinosaur skeleton, who turns to face him. Sonic then runs past a tree, stripping it of its leaves and the Squirrel inside it of its fur. The camera zooms in on the Squirrel.]

Squirrel: Yikes!

[The Squirrel covers his lower body with both his hands and blushes in embarrassment. Tails then flies past the tree, putting its leaves back on, and the Squirrel's fur back on his body. Sonic then runs past some plants, stripping them of their color. As he runs across the road, with Tails flying behind him, he leaves a rainbow trail. He then runs around a mountain, painting the rainbow trail onto it. Tails flies past the mountain, and a sign that says, RAINBOW MT. lands near it. Sonic then runs across some hills, with Tails flying behind him.]

Sonic: I hate to say it, but I'm startin' to slow down!
Tails: Me too, Sonic! We've covered all of Mobius since breakfast!
Sonic: How else are we gonna find out where Robotnik's strikin' next?
Tails: Couldn't we look for a chili dog first?

[Sonic turns to face Tails.]

Sonic: Where are you gonna find a chili dog out here in the stiffs?

[Sonic and Tails screech to a halt.]

Sonic and Tails: Whoa!

[Sonic and Tails turn to face the town of Mobius Corners near them.]

Sonic: I'm glad I asked!

[Sonic and Tails run into the town.]

Sonic: Now, if I was a chili dog stand, where would I be?

[The camera zooms in on Sonic and Tails as the latter grabs the former's right arm with his left hand and points his right index finger.]

Tails: Hey, Sonic, look!

[Inside a house, the Citizen from "Super Special Sonic Search and Smash Squad" pulls down her window shade with her right hand. Outside the Vandervoort Hotel, an elderly frog, mole, and stork run into the hotel, closing the doors behind them. At the Greebley's department store, the mouse vendor rolls up the canopy with both his hands, closes the gate with both his hands, and runs into the store, closing the door behind him. The sounds of locks securing can be heard from inside. Tails shrugs both his shoulders in confusion.]

Tails: What's everybody afraid of?
Sonic: Yeah! You'd think they never saw a blue hedgehog before!

[Sonic points his right index finger ahead of himself.]

Sonic: Whoa, scope it out!

[Sonic runs up to Bert's diner, and Tails flies behind him. Tails points his right index finger at the sign that says, BERT'S DINER.]

Tails: "Bert's Diner".

[Sonic looks at a sign that says, FOOT LONG CHILI DOGS, MMM - GOOD 'N' YUMMY, and has a picture of a dog inside a hot dog bun, which the camera zooms in on.]

Sonic: Foot-long chili dogs!
Tails: Let's eat!

[Sonic runs up to Bert's diner, with Tails flying behind him. Inside Bert's Diner, Bert Whoo is flipping pancakes with a spatula he is holding in his right hand, while Roxy is picking up a stack of dishes with both her hands. She turns and walks up to Bert as Sonic and Tails walk inside. She looks over at them, and drops the dishes in shock.]

Roxy: Yeow!

[Bert turns to face Sonic and Tails, and points his spatula at them.]

Bert Whoo: By jings, I told the other ones no, and I mean no!
Sonic: The other ones? What are you talkin' about?
Bert: Sorry, I thought at first you was robots!
Sonic: Not us!
Tails: No way!
Sonic: If we were robots, would we be ordering sixteen chili dogs?

[Sonic and Tails run up to a pair of stools and jump onto them.]

Sonic: I'll take sixteen chili dogs!
Tails: Me, too!
Bert: Mobius Corners ain't a safe place to be in right now, young fella! You'd best be movin' on!
Roxy: Gosh, Bert, these folks do look kinda hungry!
Ball Hog: Huh, yeah, Bert!

[Ball Hog snorts, and Bert and Roxy turn to face him and Roller.]

Ball Hog: Feed em'!
Roller: Yeah, it'll be the last meal you'll cook!

[Roller holds out his right hand like a stop sign.]

Ball Hog: That is,

[Ball Hog snorts and points his right index finger at Bert.]

Ball Hog: Unless you gotten smart and decided to pay up!
Bert: I've sunk every Mobium I own in this place, and I'm not gonna hand it over to a bunch of good for nothin' robots!
Ball Hog: Oh, yeah?

[Ball Hog snorts, then turns to face Roller.]

Ball Hog: Show him we mean business, Roller!
Roller: You got it, ball hog!

[Roller turns into a bowling ball, and rolls into a wall, creating a hole in it. Sonic runs through the hole. Ball Hog turns to face Tails.]

Ball Hog: Hey!

[Ball Hog snorts.]

Ball Hog: Where'd that blue guy go?
Tails: Blue guy? What blue guy?

[A knock at the door is heard. The camera moves to the left side of the screen, where the door is, and Roller turns to face it.]

Sonic: Okay, open up!

[Roller opens the door with his right hand, revealing Sonic, who is now disguised as a health inspector, behind it. Sonic is holding a clipboard in his left hand and a pencil in his right.]

Sonic: Department of Health!

[Sonic walks in, and writes in his clipboard.]

Sonic: Looking good, Bert!

[Sonic turns to face the hole and points his pencil at it.]

Sonic: Glad to see you let in a little fresh air!

[Everyone stares at the hole. Sonic then walks behind the counter, picks up the spoon in the pot of chili with his left hand, and puts it in his mouth. He gasps and screams as he breathes fire. The camera zooms in on him as he points his left index finger at the pot of chili.]

Sonic: Hmmm. Chili could use some jalepeños!

[Sonic then opens the lid over a plate of oyster crackers with his left hand, picks up an oyster cracker with his right hand, and puts it in his mouth.]

Sonic: Nice oyster crackers.

[Sonic then walks past Roxy and writes in his clipboard.]

Sonic: Cute-lookin' waitress!

[Sonic then walks up to Ball Hog and Roller and clicks his lips.]

Sonic: There's always somethin'! I hate to say it, Bert, you're gonna have to bag these old appliances!
Roller: Hey! Who you callin' an appliance?!

[Sonic runs up to a stack of pots and pans and picks them up with both his hands.]

Sonic: Let's see if this pot scrubber can still cut it!

[Sonic opens Roller's head with his right hand and puts the stack of pots and pans inside his body with his right.]

Roller: Hey!

[Roller grunts as Sonic stuffs the stack of pots and pans in his body, and Sonic grunts as he jumps on the stack of pots and pans to push it in. Sonic then pushes Roller's head back down with both his hands and screws it counter-clockwise.]

Roller: Whoa!

[Roller coughs violently, and Sonic grunts as he hits the floor. Roller chokes as Sonic turns to face him.]

Sonic: Whoa, dudes! It needs some water!

[Sonic runs up to a kettle of water and picks it up with his right hand. He opens Roller's head with his left hand and pours the water into his body. He then closes Roller's head with his left hand, and steam emits from Roller.]

Sonic: There!

[An alarm bell rings, and Roller groans in pain. Sonic then runs up to the door and grabs the handle with his right hand.]

Sonic: Totally lame rinse cycle!

[Sonic opens the door with his right hand, and Roller groans as he runs out it, landing with a crash. Sonic then closes the door.]

Sonic: Close switch! It probably leaves sports on the glasses!

[Sonic walks up to Ball Hog, who snorts.]

Ball Hog: All right, you, that does it!

[Ball Hog reaches into his suit with his right hand and pulls out a bomb.]

Roxy: Look out!

[Bert picks up a pie with his right hand. He walks up to Ball Hog and hits him in the face with it. Ball Hog snorts and tosses his bomb into the air. Roller opens the door with his right hand and walks in.]

Roller (in a gargled voice): Hey, what's the big idea?

[Roller catches the bomb with both his hands, and screams as he holds it.]

Sonic: How many times do I have to tell you? No playing ball inside!

[Ball Hog screams as Sonic pushes him away with both his hands. He flies into Roller, knocking them both out the door, which Sonic closes with his right hand. Ball Hog's bomb explodes. Sonic then opens the door with his right hand, runs away, then comes back, holding a trash can in both his hands, which he sets outside. Tails, Bert, and Roxy all watch out at Ball Hog and Roller's pieces land in the trash can.]

Bert: Nice work, young fella! You put those robo-hoods right where they belong!

[Tails flies into the air and catches a piece of paper in his right hand.]

Tails: Hey, Sonic! Guess what!

[Tails flies down to Sonic, Bert, and Roxy. They all look over the piece of paper.]

Sonic: I might have known!

[A view of the paper is shown. It says, DR. RoBoTNiK's "OR ELSe" PRoTecTioN SeRVice, "Pay Me Now OR I'LL POUND ya LATeR".]

Sonic: Dr. Robotnik's "Or Else" Protection Service. "Pay me now or I'll pound ya later."

[Tails tosses the paper on the floor.]

Tails: So this is what Robotnik's up to!
Roxy: Uh-huh, and Mr. Whoo is the only one who wouldn't pay, so they said they'd bust up his diner!

[Bert points his right thumb at himself.]

Bert: I'm the mayor of Mobius corners. Somebody had to stand up to them!
Sonic: Well, now you got us to stand with you!

[A ringing sound can be heard from inside the trash can. Tails runs up to the trash can.]

Tails: It's in here!

[Tails reaches into the trash can with his right hand and pulls out a Robocom phone, which he holds up to his left hand.]

Dr. Robotnik: Hello? Hello, Ball Hog? Roller?

[Sonic runs up to Tails.]

Robotnik: This is Dr. Robotnik!
Tails: The parties you are trying to reach have been disconnected, and so is your brain, Robuttnik! Your protection racket is busted!

[Tails tosses the phone into the trash can. Sonic then puts his left hand on Tails' shoulder. Inside Robotnik's fortress, Robotnik is holding a phone in his right hand and hangs it up.]

Robotnik: If that hedgehog thinks he can stop me that easy, he's wrong! Scratch! Grounder!

[In the living room, Scratch and Grounder are sitting on the couch, watching scenes from the unaired pilot episode. In the first scene, Sonic is running across the desert as Robotnik pokes his head out from behind some plants. He then pulls out a cannon with both his hands and aims it at Sonic. He then walks up to a cactus and grunts as he picks it up with both his hands. He puts it in the cannon, then picks up a cannon stuffer with both his hands, which he uses to push the cactus into the cannon. He grunts as he jumps to the other side, pulls out a lighter with his left hand, and uses it to light the fuse. He ducks and covers his ears with both his hands as the cannon fires the cactus at Sonic, who turns to face it, strectches out his cheeks, and sticks his tongue out at it. Sonic then picks a single prickle out of the catcus with his left hand and uses it to pick at his teeth. He runs away, and the cactus suddenly sprouts legs and a mouth. It pants heavily, then sprouts hands, the right of which it waves at Sonic. It then jumps back into the cannon, and Robotnik laughs as he dances. He then looks over at the cannon, and screams as it explodes. When the explosion clears, Robotnik grunts as he is now covered in prickles. The screen transitions to the next scene, which takes place in Robotnik's fortress, where Robotnik is now sitting naked in a tub as a machine pulls prickles out of his body.]

Robotnik: Ow! Ow!

[In the next scene, a village of rabbits cheers as Sonic runs past them.]

Rabbit Villagers: Yay, Sonic!

[Sonic then runs up to a sign that says, ROBOTNIK WANTS YOU, wherein an image of Robotnik points his right index finger. Sonic pulls the mustache off Robotnik's face with both his hands and tosses it aside, then pulls out a paintbrush with his right hand and a palette with his left. He paints hairs on Robotnik's face, and paints out one of his teeth. He then tosses his paintbrush and palette aside and runs away, and the image of Robotnik frowns. In the next scene, Sonic is standing near Tails and jumps into the lake. He swims through it as a pair of Mashers spot him. They, along with a school of Chop Chops, a school of Mashers, and an Octus all swim after Sonic. Sonic swims through some seaweed, which the Chop Chops, Mashers, and Octus all get tangled up in. As they struggle to escape, Sonic turns to face them, then turns to face a pipe draining the water from the lake. Sonic spins into the pipe and travels through it. As the scene ends, Scratch, who is holding a remote in his left hand, hits a button on it with his left thumb to change the channel. On the next channel, a Surgeon pushes the doors open with both his hands.]

Surgeon: Everyone can benifit from a little neural surgery!

[The Surgeon is now holding a scalpel in his left hand, and the patient runs away in fear.]

Surgeon: Come back here, stat!

[Scratch presses the butoon on the remote with his left thumb. On the next channel, a trio of criminals is on the run from the cops. One criminal is driving their car while the other two fire their guns at the cops. One cop is driving the car while the other is firing a gun he is holding in his left hand.]

Grounder: Step on the gas, fellas!

[Scratch and Grounder are now off the couch, and Scratch jumps frantically as he points his left hand at the TV.]

Scratch: Look out! The cops are right behind you!
Grounder: Oh, no!

[Grounder covers his eyes with both his drills.]

Grounder: Oh, why do the good guys always have to catch the bad guys?

[Scratch imitates gunfire as he points both his index fingers at the TV. Grounder also imitates gunfire as he points both his drills at the TV.]

Grounder: Gotcha!
Scratch: No, you didn't! I got him!

[Grounder turns to face Scratch.]

Grounder: Oh, like fun you did! My machine gun hit him right in the...
Robotnik: Dumbbots! Get in here now!

[Scratch and Grounder scream and flinch in fear as the screen rumbles, and plaster falls from the ceiling.]

Scratch: He's yelling again!
Grounder: So? We're on a break! Who cares if he yells?
Scratch: Me!
Grounder: Yeah, me, too!

[Scratch and Grounder run through the door, leaving a hole in it, and causing it to fall over. They run into Robontik's bedroom, leaving a cloud of dust that makes Grounder cough.]

Grounder: You called, your repulsiveness?

[Robotnik coughs violently, then waves his right hand at Scratch and Grounder.]

Robotnik: Of all the factuous, bungling dunderheaded goof-bots, you two take the cake!

[Robotnik points his right index finger at Scratch and Grounder.]

Scratch: It-it wasn't me, your scurviness, Grounder took it!

[Scratch points his left index finger at Grounder.]

Grounder: Oh, I did not! I didn't take the cake, he took it!

[Grounder points his right drill at Scratch.]

Robotnik: Silence!

[Scratch jumps at Grounder and hugs him.]

Robotnik: I can't reach Ball Hog and Roller, so I want you two to go to Mobius Corners at once!

[Robotnik points his right index finger at Scratch and Grounder.]

Scratch: Right away, your vileness! Uh, what are we supposed to do?
Robotnik: I'm making you the chief enforcers for Robotnik's Protection Service! Get out there and enforce!

[Robotnik points his right index finger at Scratch and Grounder. The former then stands next to the latter.]

Scratch: Enforcers? Like on TV!
Grounder: Oh, boy! Do we get to be the bad guys, huh?
Robotnik: Of course you get to be the bad guys!

[Scratch points his left thumb behind himself.]

Scratch: Ha! I'll show those bums!
Grounder: Yeah!

[Grounder chuckles.]

Grounder: They'll be sorry they messed with me!

[Grounder hits his right arm with his left drill, causing his right arm to fall off.]

Robotnik: That's enough! Just make sure you strike fear and trembling into the citizens of Mobius Corners so they'll beg to pay for my protection, and especially that stubborn old guy, Bert Whoo!
Grounder: Who?
Scratch: Bert Whoo!
Grounder: Bert Who?
Robotnik: You got it!
Grounder: Oh, I got it! Bert You Got It!

[Scratch sticks out his tongue in disapproval.]

Grounder: Sounds hard.

[As Robotnik talks to Scratch and Grounder, he runs his right thumb and index finger through the right side of his mustache.]

Robotnik: And if that hedgehog gets in your way, enforce him!

[Robotnik points his left index finger at Scratch and Grounder. The screen then transitions to a view outside Bert's diner. Inside, Sonic is holding a chili dog in both his hands.]

Tails: Three, two, one, go!

[Sonic munches on the chili dog, spraying chili onto Roxy's face. Red hearts emit from her. Sonic then licks the chili off the fingers of his right hand. As Roxy talks to Sonic, Bert stirs a pot of chili with a spoon he is holding in his right hand.]

Roxy: Wow! I never saw anybody that could eat a chili dog that fast!
Sonic: It takes a lot of practice.

[Sonic and Tails gasp when they hear Scratch.]

Scratch: All right, you mugs! Come and get it!

[Sonic and Tails turn to face each other, then Tails points his right thumb behind himself.]

Tails: Is that who I think it is?

[Sonic and Tails run up to the window and looks outside it. Scratch and Grounder are now dressed like gangsters.]

Scratch: You hear me? Come and get it!
Grounder: Yeah, if you don't come and get it, we're gonna keep it, then you'll be sorry!
Scratch: D'oh, shut up and bring me the violin case!

[Scratch points his right thumb at the car, and Grounder opens the door with his right hand. Bert and Roxy look out the window with Sonic and Tails.]

Roxy: Ewww! Who are those waldos?
Sonic: A couple more of Robotnik's goonbots!
Bert: Byjings, I've had enough! I'm gonna run em' out of town!

[Bert shakes his right fist angrily, then Sonic holds his right hand out like a stop sign at him.]

Sonic: Hang on, could be really dangerous out here!

[Grounder is now holding the violin case in both his hands, and hands it to Scratch.]

Scratch: Won't cooperate, huh?

[Scratch picks up the violin case with both his hands.]

Scratch: They'll be sorry!

[Scratch opens the violin case with his left hand and pulls out the violin inside with the same hand. He then tosses the violin case back at Grounder with his right hand. Grounder catches it in both his hands, then pulls out a bow with his right hand and plays the violin with it. As he plays the violin, Grounder covers his ears with both his hands]

Scratch: You ready to say "Uncle"?

[Sonic blows a raspberry at Scratch and Grounder.]

Scratch: D'oh, all right, they asked for it!

[Sonic looks out the window as Scratch tosses the violin and bow aside. Scratch then reaches into the car with his right hand, pulls out a dynamite pack with his right hand, and lights it with a match he is holding in his left.]

Scratch: I'm gonna let him have it with a time bomb set for 30 seconds!

[Scratch tosses the dynamite at Bert's diner.]

Sonic: What's that space case doing?

[Grounder, who is holding the time clock in his left hand, rolls up to Scratch.]

Grounder: Uh, you forgot to attach the timing device!
Scratch: Hmmm. Then I guess it'll explode right away!

[Sonic gulps, then looks up.]

Sonic: Uh-oh!

[The dynamite falls, and the screen fades to black. In the next scene, Sonic, Tails, Bert, and Roxy continue staring at the dynamite as it falls.]

Tails: Uh, Sonic?

[Scratch and Grounder plug their ears. Sonic opens the door with his left hand and walks outside. He jumps into the air and catches the dynamite in both his hands. Scratch opens his eyes and unplugs his ears when he doesn't hear the dynamite explode.]

Scratch: That's funny, how come it didn't go "Boom"?

[Grounder points his right index finger at Scratch.]

Grounder: Um, maybe the fuse went out!
Scratch: No, tin-head!

[Scratch hits Grounder with his left hand.]

Scratch: How could it have gone out? Don't you hear it burning right behind us?
Grounder: Gee, that's right! I can hear it burning right behind...

[Sure enough, a fuse is buring right behind Grounder. Scratch stares in shock, and Grounder turns to see Sonic holding the dynamite in both his hands.]

Sonic: Yo, bots! This is Robotnik's property! You wouldn't want to lose it, would you?

[Sonic tosses the dynamite at Scratch and Grounder, the latter of whom catches it in both his hands as Sonic runs away.]

Grounder: Gee, thanks! That was real thoughtful of...

[The dynamite explodes, creating a cloud of smoke, and the word, KABOOM, which is used as a transition to the next scene, where Sonic and Tails are inside Bert's diner, drinking orange juice.]

Bert: Sure do thank you fellas for gettin' Robotnik's Protection Racket punks off our backs!
Roxy: Oh, no! Here they come again!

[Roxy looks out the window, where she sees Scratch and Grounder, whose clothes are now scorched, walking wearily towards Bert's diner.]

Roxy: Oh, don't those bozos ever give up?

[Sonic, Tails, and Bert all walk up to Roxy.]

Sonic: Hmmm. They do look like they need a rest, don't they? A long rest! Someplace where they can't cause any more trouble!
Bert: Good idea, young fella, and I know just the spot!

[Sonic, Tails, Bert, and Roxy all huddle and whisper to each other. They then all run off in separate directions. Scratch opens the door with his right hand and points his right index finger.]

Scratch: All right, sister! Where's the hedgehog!
Roxy: This place has a dress code, you know!
Scratch: Uh,

[Scratch chuckles.]

Scratch: We had a little accident!
Roxy: Oh, I'm sure!

[The camera moves to the left side of the screen, where Scratch and Grounder are.]

Scratch: Okay, okay! Le... let me speak to your boss!

[Scratch points his right index finger at Roxy, and Sonic, who is disguised as Bert, opens the door with his left hand and walks out.]

Sonic: Yep! Uh, what can I do for you fellas?

[Scratch points his right index finger at Sonic.]

Scratch: We want to talk to you about protection!
Sonic: Yes, sirree! You sure look like you could use some!

[Grounder holds up his right index finger.]

Grounder: No, no no! Wait a minute, you don't understand!

[Sonic walks up to Grounder.]

Sonic: What happened? Somebody come after you with a can opener?
Scratch: Now hold on!
Sonic: This town's a mighty dangerous place for a young robot!

[Scratch walks up to Sonic.]

Scratch and Grounder: It is?

[Sonic opens the door with his left hand and walks out.]

Sonic: Tell you what; a pal of mine's got a place you can hide out till' this thing blows over!

[Sonic whistles into his left thumb and index finger, and a truck back up to Bert's Diner. The doors open, and Sonic pushes Scratch into the truck with his left hand, and Grounder in with his right.]

Sonic: You'd better hurry!

[Grounder screams, and he and Scratch grunt as they land in the truck. Sonic then closes the doors with both his hands, and the inside of the truck becomes so dark, all that can be seen are Scratch and Grounder's eyes. The truck starts up and drives away. It drives down the road, and bounces off the roofs of some buildings. Scratch and Grounder scream as they get bounced about. The truck then drives past an alley, then turns to back into it. Bert is standing on some stairs, and signals the truck with his left hand. He leads Scratch and Grounder to a door, which he opens with his left hand.]

Bert: Come on, time's a-wastin'!

[The door closes, and Scratch and Grounder follow Bert into a jail cell.]

Bert: Hurry up, they're right behind us!
Scratch: Who? Who's behind us?

[The door closes. Bert is behind it, Sonic is standing to its right side, and Tails is standing at its left side.]

Bert: Why, Sonic and Tails, of course! Who else?
Sonic: Yeah, guys! We came to watch you rest!

[Sonic points his right index finger at Scratch and Grounder.]

Bert: Besides being mayor and chief chili dog chef, I'm the sheriff of Mobius Corners!

[Bert opens his coat with his right hand, revealing his badge inside it, and points his right thumb at Sonic. Scratch and Grounder groan, and Sonic points his right thumb at himself.]

Sonic: Don't worry, we'll tell Roblobnik the good news!
Tails: Yeah, your sentence is only 12,000 years with time off for stupid behavior!

[Scratch and Grounder groan and faint. Grounder then tries to stand up.]

Grounder: Well, at least we can get time off!

[Grounder falls over. Sonic, Tails, and Bert all walk away, and Scratch and Grounder stand back up.]

Grounder: Dr. Robotnik's gonna melt us down and turn us into toilets!
Scratch: Not if we escape!
Grounder: Escape?

[Scratch points his right index finger at the left side of the screen.]

Scratch: Look over there!

[Grounder rolls towards the window, and grunts when he bumps his head on the bars. Stars spin around his head, then he looks outside the bars and sees a ring of keys hanging on the hook near the desk.]

Grounder: I'll show that rotten hedgehog he can't make me look stupid!

[Grounder extends his right hand and uses it to grab the keys. The screen then transitions to the next scene, where Sonic, Tails, Bert, and Roxy are all standing outside Bert's Diner as the camera zooms in on them.]

Bert: You fellas sure I can't fix you a couple of chili dogs?
Sonic: Nope! We gotta find Robotnik and see if we can get back the money he took from your fellow citizens!

[Sonic and Tails run away, then Bert turns to face Roxy.]

Roxy: Gee, I hope they'll be all right!

[Bert holds up his left index finger.]

Bert: Robotnik's the one that ought to be worried!

[Bert chuckles, then walks away.]

Bert: Be right back, I want to check on those jail bots!

[Bert opens the door with his right hand and walks inside. Scratch and Grounder walk up to him, holding ropes in both their hands, which they tie Bert up in.]

Bert: How in tarnation...

[Scratch is holding a piece of tape in his left hand and puts it over Bert's beak. Bert falls over, and Scratch walks up to Grounder. He reaches into Grounder's suit with his left hand and pulls out Grounder's Robocom phone, which he holds up to his left ear. An alarm bell rings, and Robotnik can be seen sitting at his desk as the camera zooms in on him.]

Robotnik: It's about time you called!

[Robotnik is revealed to be holding his phone in his right hand.]

Robotnik: In jail? How did you stooge-bots...

[Robotnik pauses, then smiles when he hears that Scratch and Grounder captured Bert.]

Robotnik: You captured Bert Whoo? That's more like it! Bring the old geezer back here, and don't worry about the hedgehog!

[Robotnik laughs evilly as he hangs up the phone and walks up to a button on the wall.]

Robotnik: I've got a surprise for him!

[Robotnik presses the button with his right index finger. The wall to the left rises, revealing a giant tank behind it.]

Robotnik: The Robotnik Protection Service is going to take Sonic for a ride!

[The screen transitions to the next scene, where a view outside the door to the jail cell is shown. The door opens, and Scratch pokes his head out of it and looks around.]

Scratch: Okay, let's go!

[An image of Sonic spinning is used as a transition to the next scene, where a view of Bert's Diner is shown. Scratch and Grounder carry the tied-up Bert away, and Bert's voice is muffled behind the tape over his mouth. Roxy watches from the window.]

Roxy: Hey, wait a minute! They've got Bert!

[The door opens, and Roxy runs out.]

Roxy: I'm not gonna let them get away with that!

[Grounder starts up the car that he and Scratch are now sitting in. Roxy jumps onto the back of the car and holds onto it with both her hands for her life. The screen transitions to the next scene, where Sonic runs across Mobius, with Tails flying behind him. Sonic then holds his left hand up to his left ear.]

Sonic: Whoa, dude! You hear that?

[Sonic points his left index finger ahead of him, but Tails merely shrugs his shoulders.]

Tails: Uh-uh. What?
Sonic: Let's slow down!

[Sonic screeches to a halt, and Tails lands near him. The screen rumbles as Sonic points his left index finger ahead of himself.]

Sonic: That's gotta be one of Robotnik's destruction machines!
Tails: Nah, must be an Earthquake!

[Robotnik's tank rolls up to Sonic and Tails.]

Tails: Whoops! I guess we're not that lucky!

[The tank aims its cannons at Sonic and Tails, who jump out of the way and duck just in time as it fires them, causing an explosion with the words, BOOM, ZOOM!, POW!, WHAM!, and THUD!. Sonic and Tails look up, and Sonic screams as he and Tails run out of the way just in time as various missiles fall between them. When they land, they create an explosion with the word, FOOMM! Robotnik can now be seen sitting at the control panel of his tank.]

Robotnik: Ah, this is what being an evil genius is all about!

[A knock on the door can be heard, and Robotnik turns to face it.]

Robotnik: How dare anyone interrupt me when I'm being vicious!

[Robotnik runs up to the door and opens it with his left hand. On the other side, Sonic is disguised as an elderly lady, holding a purse in his left hand and an umbrella with an eagle head handle in his right.]

Sonic: There you are, young man! Your mother told me I could find you here!
Robotnik: My, uh, Momma?
Sonic: Yes! She wants an immediate report on how well you're doing capturing that pesky hedgehog!
Robotnik: Uh, well...

[Sonic walks up to Robotnik and pokes him in the chest with his umbrella.]

Sonic: No excuses! If you haven't captured him, I'll have to report to her immediately!
Robotnik: Oh, no! Don't do that!
Sonic: She insisted! Let me use your telephone!

[Sonic walks up to Robotnik's telephone and picks it up with his right hand.]

Sonic: Momma Robotnik, please.

[Sonic puts the phone in his left hand, then pulls a wire below apart with his right. Robotnik runs up to him.]

Robotnik: Stop! Can't we discuss this? I'll do anything!
Sonic: Young man, are you offering me a bribe if I don't report to your mother?
Robotnik: Yes!
Sonic: I'll take it.

[Robotnik is holding a stack of dollars in his right hand and tosses them one-by-one at Sonic, who catches them in his left hand.]

Sonic: What? No tip?
Robotnik: Uh, sorry!

[Robotnik is now holding his right shoe in his right hand and empties the coins out of it. Sonic then squeezes the pile of money flat with his right hand.]

Sonic: Happy trails!

[Sonic runs away, leaving his disguise behind. He then runs up to Tails, who is standing in a trench.]

Sonic: There. That ought to pay back everybody in Mobius corners and take care of fixing Bert's Diner!

[Smoke emits from Robotnik's tank as it moves slowly forward.]

Tails: Sounds like Robotnik's havin' engine trouble!
Sonic: Probably because I pulled a few wires on his control board!

[Robotnik's tank explodes, and the word, KA-WHOOM appears onscreen. When the explosion clears, Robotnik's tank is in pieces.]

Sonic: Huh, how bout' that?

[Robotnik, who is now in the Egg-O-Matic Tunnelizer and Town Terrorizer, floats out from under the rubble, and up to Sonic and Tails.]

Robotnik: It's payback time, Hedgehog! I've got a friend of yours in my dungeon!
Sonic: Oh, yeah? Who?

[Sonic points his left index finger at Robotnik.]

Robotnik: That's right, and he's going to stay there!
Sonic: Hold it, are we talking about Bert Whoo?
Robotnik: I told you, hedgehog, Bert Whoo is my prisoner!

[Robotnik laughs evilly as he flies away. Sonic and Tails look at each other, then back at Robotnik.]

Sonic: Come on, Tails! We can't have the best chili dog chef in Mobius cooped up in Robotnik's fortress!

[Sonic runs away, and Tails flies behind him. A view outside Robotnik's fortress is now shown as the camera zooms in on it. The camera then moves to the right side of the screen, where Sonic and Tails tiptoe past Scratch and Grounder's car.]

Sonic: So that's how Bert got here! Scratch and Grounder escaped!
Tails: If the duncebots are getting that smart, we'd better be careful!

[Sonic and Tails sneak up to the front door. Roxy peers out from behind a bush.]

Roxy: Psst!
Sonic and Tails: Yeow!

[Roxy shushes Sonic and Tails.]

Sonic: Whoa!
Roxy: Hi, guys!
Tails: Roxy!
Sonic: What are you doing here?
Roxy: I'm trying to save Bert! Am I glad to see you guys!
Sonic: Well, if we're gonna save him, we'd better get started!

[The screen transitions to the next scene, where Sonic, Tails, and Roxy all sneak through the hallway. Roxy stops and gasps.]

Roxy: Hey, guys, look!

[As Roxy picks up Bert's badge with her left hand, Sonic and Tails fall through a trap door.]

Roxy: It's Bert's badge!

[A light shines on Bert's badge. Roxy then turns to face where Sonic and Tails were, only to find them gone.]

Roxy: Hey, guys, where'd you go?

[Meanwhile, Sonic and Tails continue to fall through the trap door.]

Sonic and Tails: Whoa!

[Sonic and Tails scream as they fall through the chute. Scratch and Grounder hold out their arms. Sonic lands in Scratch's arms, and Tails lands in Grounder's arms as robotnik laughs evilly. Bert can now be seen tied up in a chair next to them. The camera moves to the right side of the screen, past a hammer machine, until it reaches Robotnik, who is standing next to a switch set to the OFF position.]

Robotnik: Welcome to my dungeon! Since you can't seem to get my message, I thought I'd better hammer it in!

[Robotnik pulls the switch with his left hand, setting it to the SMASH position and turning on the hammer machine.]

Sonic: Whoa, Doc! Your rhythm section rules!

[Robotnik points his right index finger at Sonic.]

Robotnik: We'll see how you laugh when you're a hedgehog pancake!

[Robotnik grabs the switch with his left hand and sets it to the SMASH position again, making the hammer machine go faster. Roxy now falls through the chute.]

Roxy: Whoa!

[Roxy lands on Robotnik, who groans in pain as she makes him set the switch to the SMASH position again, making the hammer machine go even faster. The hammer machine causes the screen to rumble, and it runs towards Scratch and Grounder.]

Grounder: Help!

[Scratch and Grounder toss Sonic and Tails aside.]

Scratch: Sa-have u-hu-hus!

[Scratch and Grounder run away, and Robotnik screams as the hammer machine chases him and them.]

Robotnik: I hate that hedgehog!

[Tails and Bert, the latter of whom is now inexplicably untied, turn to face Roxy. Tails holds out his left hand.]

Tails: We owe you one, Roxy!

[The camera moves to the right side of the screen, where Sonic is.]

Sonic: You'd better believe it, and I got just the way to pay you back! Tails, grab your tool kit!

[An outline of Sonic spinning is used as a transition to the next scene, where Sonic, Tails, Bert, and Roxy are all standing outside Bert's diner. Tails has built a new robot using Ball Hog's head and Roller's head and limbs. The camera zooms in on it.]

Tails: I knew those old robot parts would come in handy. Just press this button!

[Tails points his right index finger at a button. Roxy presses it with her right index finger, and Ball Hog speaks in a mechanical voice that sounds like Tails.]

Ball Hog: Welcome to Bert's diner. May I please take your order?
Roxy: Wow, cool! Thanks to you, I can quit waiting tables and be Bert's partner!

[Sonic turns to face Bert.]

Sonic: Well, we gotta speed, keeds!
Bert: Remember, if you ever get hungry, you can always come back to Bert's diner for a free chili dog lunch!
Sonic: Thanks, Bert!

[Sonic runs away, and Bert waves his left hand goodbye at him. Sonic then comes back, holding a fork in his left hand and a knife in his right.]

Sonic: Well, it's got to be lunchtime somewhere, and I'm hungry!

[Sonic jumps into Roxy's arms, and they kiss each other on the lips. A pink heart emits, and it covers the screen, which fades to black, ending the episode.]

Sonic Says

[Sonic and Tails are at Bert's diner, eating chili dogs, then turn to face Scratch and Grounder when they hear them.]

Scratch: Okay, wise guys! Time to pay up!
Grounder: Yeah! We're the robot gang! Pay up or else!

[Sonic runs up to Scratch and Grounder.]

Sonic: Or else what?
Grounder: Well, uh, I don't know!

[Scratch shrugs his shoulders in confusion.]

Sonic (to the viewers): These dumbbots don't know much, but my pals know better than to join a gang! Why? Cause' a life of crime only leads to a life of hard time!

[Sonic runs away, and in the next scene, Scratch and Grounder are dressed like prisoners and in a prison cell.]

Sonic: Play it smart, stay in school, and stay out of gangs!
Transcripts