I know I'm late, but, I want to rage. Plus, I needed to. I want to detail in every cutscene how Sonic went wrong in terms of cutscenes. They were over-excessive, and weren't needed for an entire game. Sure for a bit, but not flooding the game. I'll explain.
Cutscene 1
Tails: Still, an evil plot? I don't know.
This is Eggman we're talking about, are you blind?
Sonic: I'm not sure what's going on, but I'm sure of what I'm gonna do!
Why can't he just jump in there?
Other than that, No problems.
Cutscene 2
First of all, I would like to point out that Tails can change a machine faster than 6 levels and 3 cutscenes. What, did Tails spend the rest of his life on the lounge after Sonic Unleashed? Geez, he's stupid.
Tails: Oh, I was reconfiguring my handheld into a translator so I can understand this guy, did you go somewhere?
Did you not see what happened a cutscene ago? He jumped, saved aliens, and one flew into him! Is Tails blind?
Sonic: Didn't you see? I absorbed those aliens and got powered up with like, some kind of wild energy! And after a few seconds they'd pop outta me!
Tails: Uh, I find that hard to believe.
First of all, Sonic's been through much more than alien energy. Werewolf/hog transformations and Super Saiyan forms, and he's saying it's wild energy? Ridiculous!
Also, why can't Tails believe a simple story? Take this:
(Sonic Unleashed)
Tails: That's some story.
Sonic Colours however...
Tails: Uh, I find that hard to believe...
What the H***? Are they even trying?
Sonic: Yeah, that's pretty much how we spend our time!
What, is saving an entire alien race, about 6 or so planets, nothing to you? You saved an entire planet from falling apart in Sonic Unleashed, what, is this nothing now?
Cutscene 3
Most of the first part is very entertaining, and I enjoy it. However...
Eggman: ............ and then nothing will stop me! I know I say that everytime, but this time really, nothing will stop me!
You posted ads around an entire planet, where your enemy lives, you think nothing will stop you? Did you ever think about a blue hedgehog?
Oh, and when Sonic appears, instead of sillily slapping his butt, wouldn't he act serious and go beat the Egghead up instead of wasting a cutscene on nothing but humour? Stupidest thing I ever know.
nothing else here, next cutscene.
Cutscene 4
Why does Tails take so long to rebuild a machine? Over 6 levels and an entire boss and 3 cutscenes, and we're talking a fox with an IQ of 250+, and he takes so long to build a simple redesign? God sake, ridiculous.
Sonic: I did a little shopping, grabbed a bite to eat, and trashed a giant killer robot
The former 2 we didn't even see him doing anyway. Plus, this is Eggman, and also, his sarcasm in that line is really terrible.
Tails: I think it's done. It's in binary code, so, only I can read it.
It's in hexadecimal code you dumbo. Also, not only YOU can read it, we're not computers. "I think it's done" when it's got so many bugs(oh, wouldn't Tails find them before he "thought it was done")
Tails: Okay, he says his name is "Talks-a-lot" and he's from a faraway soda, where flowers water them with dances
Really? He doesn't look like he dances alot, plus, there aren't magic flowers. Also, Wisps don't live inside soda cans.
Tails: Okay, he said his name is "Yacker". He's from a race of beings called "Wisps"
Ok, what was the point of the previous line then? You wasted 5 seconds of nothing but a pointless piece of dialogue.
Sonic: Lisps?
Whaaaaaaaaat? He's pronounced other things before, and he just heard Tails say it in a very clear manner. Heck, Marine can't say hovercraft, but Sonic can't say Wisp? a word pronounced in a quite clear manner and isn't techno talk seriously isn't acceptable. Also, I must point out, there are WAY too many fourth wall jokes. This isn't a play you doopheads.
Tails: So they're either being used for their powers by an evil man, or to make underwear to be worn by salad.
Really? Salad came to life? I get the joke "dressing" and all, but that's just lame. Really lame. In fact, why can't he just FIX that thing?
Cutscene 6(any area)
Sonic: Experience has taught me to investigate anything that glows.
Well, why can't you just beat it up? You're a super-fast hedgehog capable of beating that thing up, clearly that thing is being held up.
Sonic: Experience has also taught me that the best way to solve problems, is to kick robot butt!
Why can't he go in there and beat it up already? Geez, he's more lazy than anyone would think!(only by contents of this game)
Sonic: Excuse me, giant killer robot, you wanna do this the hard way, or the easy way?
Why is he asking if he can do it hard or easy? I mean COME ON, in other games, he rushes in without cocky jokes that just waste time. And I think the bosses get tired of his jokes too.
Sonic: Somehow I knew you'd say that! Lets dance!
Bosses cannot talk unless they have a reason. Fighting characters, ok. Bosses, robot bosses don't talk. Stupid drunk hedgehog.
Cutscene 7
Sonic: Hey, Tails! You missed the BBBE(...) Best Boss Beating Ever!
How the H*** does he know he's in a game? Look, I know some fourth wall jokes are funny, but that is pretty lame.
Tails: Well, first, remember this translation stuff isn't 100%
What? He can build a plane better than that piece of **** he's holding in his hands.
Tails: So anyway, these aliens are made up of a REALLY powerful energy source called Hyper-go-ons. It's inside of them...
Sonic: Like a battery?
Tails: No.. well, sort of. It's their life source. You only got a taste of it, and look at what happened. Battery is sort of an understatement.
Whaaaaaaat? If it's inside of them, and powers them to keep them alive, it's like a battery. Even though it's powerful, it can still be considered like one. What, are you expecting a REAL BATTERY inside a Wisp? That's lame. LAME!(wish I could put a picture up, can't though.)
Tails: Funny thing, it was first translated into "horrible body odor"
(Sonic sniffs himself)
Seriously? Hyper-go-on actually translated to stink? Ridiculous. Also, why does Sonic just sniff himself randomly? What, is he afraid if he doesn't smell good he'll turn into a skunk? Stupid hedgehog.
Tails: He's draining them of all their power and using it for an evil... aquatic mammal? An evil dolphin? No, a porpoise! Oh, an evil purpose!
No S***, Einstein. And why does he rely on that thing so much if it's got bugs? Geez, couldn't he think independently?
Cutscene 8
Sonic: Tails, is that you humming?
What, did Tails turn into a singer? Or a machine?
Eggman appears, fires a laser, hits Tails after Tails shot Sonic out of the way.
Sonic's a super-fast hedgehog, he can get up quicker than what's depicted.
Also, why can't Sonic clearly see that Tails has gone evil, can he NOT see the purple laser going into his back?
Sonic: What have you done to him?
Eggman: Me, I did nothing at all! Unless shooting him with my mind control beam that runs on alien energy counts as doing something to him. Does it?
What? You shot a fox in the back with a mind control ray and you say "I did nothing at ALL"? Idiot.
The next scene is really stupid. In the opening CGI of the game, we see that Tails can keep up with Sonic by flying. However, when Sonic tries to get to Eggman, Tails is seen running to keep up with Sonic. Heck, when Tails runs, he runs at speeds of a little higher than a normal person, but cannot outrun, or even match Sonic. He's also showing almost no leg movement whatsoever, so it seems like he's teleporting from one place to another. Also, why can't Sonic run faster? He's faster than what the cutscene depicts, plus, if anything, why couldn't he JUMP and hit Eggman, it's not like hitting Eggman's gonna kill Tails. Really bad cutscene development here.
The dialogue here is kinda good, until...
Sonic: Haha! Pay up, Tails! I told you he had an evil plot, and that comin' here was a good idea! There it is straight from the horses mouth!
Why is Sonic suddenly interested in gambling now? Geez, in Sonic Heroes he's done it, but hey, that had a reason(Casino themed), and he didn't talk about it afterwards(too focused on beating Eggman, which I liked). And also, Eggmans a person. There are no horses in Sonic history, nor will there ever be one because of the head porportion. There might be, but there's a strong possiblity that there won't. However, at the time, there were no horses, so shut up. This is also a life threatening situation, and all you care about is money? You suck low, dude, low.
Cutscene 9
Tails: Hey, Sonic! Did you give the guide your complaint?
Did you not see that thing blow up, Tails? It was a giant explosion, and you think that was a complaint?
Sonic: Do we know how Eggman is getting all these aliens?
Tails: Yeah yeah, at first, I thought that Yacker was talking about how Baldy Nosehair was using burps to do it.
Really? He relys on that thing too much, the poor guy.
Sonic: Hmmm, he is pretty gassy, maybe the smell would knock 'em out? I don't know something doesn't seem right with that.
Ok, we know Eggman stinks(in both ways), but you don't have to express it like THAT, didn't need to rub it in. Also, we're talking millions of aliens, and he burps to get them? That's stupid!
Tails: That's what I said! It made no sense!
No s***, Einstein, don't rely on that piece of junk.
Tails: Then, I made a TINY adjustment and realised he was saying 'Generators'
Really? Generators actually translates out to burp? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
Tails: So basically, Eggman is using 5 tractor beam generators to hold their planet in orbit while he scoops the aliens all up.
Ok, good one.
Sonic: Hold a whole planet?
Don't you remember Sonic CD?
Sonic: Well, okay, fine, 5 generators? Well, I've already leveled 2!
Tails: So, if my math is correct, that leaves us three more of those bad boys to take out.
What the H*LL?! Did he just say "if my math is correct?!", we're talking Tails, a supergenius who has an IQ of 250+, is 8 years old, can build machines, and can't do a simple sum of 5-2? How stupid is that?!
Cutscene 11
I skipped a cutscene because Eggman and the robots are humourous, I can say that. The heroes are just terrible.
Sonic: You know, as alien as this place is, there's something very... Eggmanish about it.
Are you blind? This place is turning into metal rides, idiot(familiar in a certain way?) What, did you expect squid-like creatures to live in a mechaniced nursery?
Tails: I think he's transforming it somehow. Making it part of his theme park.
No duh, Einstein. Look around, there're robots everywhere.
After cheesy dialogue that already has an explanation to(people would KNOW if you're being evil Eggman. Little kids aren't gonna go tresspassing there. Also, he's done more dangerous things before)
Tails, you don't have to pull out that machine, it makes things worse!
Also, why is it that there are only Cyan and White Wisps around? In one of the last cutscenes, all of them are seen, why aren't a few of them here?
Tails: It sounds like they're in shock from public transportation and a loony nurse- oh no wait scratch that!
Well at least he stopped himself. However, that explanation is reasonable.
Tails: They're in shock because of their planet's strange transformation, and having been dragged across the universe!
Well, interesting.
Sonic: Well I still can't believe he kidnapped a whole planet! How does somebody do that?
Sonic CD, dude. Look there for your answer. Also, why does it seem he doesn't remember all this? Seriously, he's kidnapped a planet before, in the aformentioned game Sonic CD.
Tails: They're saying it was either ice cream or a tractor beam.
Ok, rhyme again is good, but really, you think ice cream can handle space? If it was ice cream, people would be running over and licking it, making sure not to. Seriously, can you tell, Tails? Or is your 3 year old brain not good enough for that?
Tails: If it was, I'd get one for back home!
Sonic: Dude, I'd get two!
Does Sonic really want Tails to get sick? Look, I know you guys would probably want to have it together, but two just for Tails would hurt his poor wittle stomach. He's only 8, don't over-fatten him.
Cutscene 12
Sonic: I know for a fact that these guys are gettin' harder and harder to beat!
What th-? No, just no, Sonic, you did NOT admit you're a model. God forsaken, what the huh? When he takes danger, he goes into danger. Take Sonic Unleashed. Egg Dragoon, he was serious and started it, it was fine. Hard boss, got through it. When Dark Gaia came, he knew he had to stop him. Here, it's like he knows he's in a game. Put it all to a halt, now.
Next part is pretty good, up until Sonic says
Sonic: We can save alot of time and broken robots if you just quit now!
Quit on the 4th level? Really? Look, I know theres about 6 acts a level, but seriously man, no.
Then, after Sonic literally blows up a robot, he starts talking to it.
Take Sonic 1, take Sonic 3, Take Sonic Adventure, Heroes, Unleashed, all the games in between, Sonic has NEVER started randomly talking to a robot after he blew it up. So first, a hard fight, then after a huge explosion, all you care about is talking to a pile of metal? Idiot.
Cutscene 14
Sonic goes on about how he wants sushi and then Eggman randomly turns up, Is that guy spying on that hedgehog? Also, in every other game, Sonic has never once complained about food. Whenever he takes food, he takes food, that's his style. Complaining about food with Sonic is an instant no.
Then, possibly the worst line of Sonic Colours jokes ever...
(boss arrives)
Sonic: Hey, did somebody here order a clobbering?
Why doesn't he just run up to it and blow it up instead of wasting an entire cutscene of nothing but pointless dialogue on stupid, unfunny jokes that will drive you nuts?
Sonic: Are you sure, it says somebody ordered an extra large clobbering topped with everything!
Shut up and start already, you drunk hedgehog.
Sonic: Hmm, ok, tell ya what, I can't take this thing back, so I'll give you an extra large clobbering for nothing! Hope you're hungry!
You beat up robots all the time, so stop wasting a corny joke on an entire cutscene. YAWWWWWWWWWWWN!!!!!
Cutscene 15
Tails: (....) And a little nauseous, I grabbed a bite to eat at the Bucket of Sushi
Tails, this is Eggman we're talking about, not a fancy restaurant.
Tails: (covers mouth) His cruelty knows no bounds.
Don't go there and eat then. It's Eggman, what, expect a full course meal, expect death. Who are you, what, Knuckles?
Cutscene 17(16 is fine, focuses on story, superb)
Sonic: You know, I don't like what you're doing to my friends in there. It's messed up, so I'm gonna mess you up!
Dude, do it already. Might I point out, another, in fact, the worst, few lines spoken by Sonic.
Sonic: Yeah, that's right, I'm stretching. You got a problem with that? I want to fully enjoy taking you apart without some pulled muscle slowing me down.
What the H***? In every game Sonic has ran in, he's never once complained about sore muscles. Geez, he sounds 30, he acts 30 too. Sure he stretches too, but, Sonic has never had a pulled muscle. If so, he just shrugs it off, and doesn't care. Heck, I don't even think he CAN pull a muscle, he runs at speeds so fast, that they'd break the moment he breaks the sound barrier, so, that line is an instant no.
Sonic: Okay, now I'm ready. Of course if you want to run away, please feel free. There's no shame in it, well, maybe a little shame.
Why would a boss run? Just waste a cutscene and ruin the fun, no final boss would be stinkin' stupid.
Cutscene 18
Sonic: Whew, that was almost difficult!
Almost? Really? No, just no.
Sonic: Couldn't have done it without you, buddy!
Really, you outrightly say that you needed Tails? Think, Sonic Heroes, he admitted that he needed their help. but he didn't outrightly say "I needed you".
Ugh, more cutscenes.
Cutscene 19(19's first part is a CGI that is ok, and it's in the DS version, the superior version in terms of storyline, so it's ok)
Sonic: We? I didn't see you trashing any giant killer robots!
Technically you said you needed him in the former cutscene, plus, you don't have to beat a robot/boss to help out.
And why is it that only White and Cyan Wisps are shown in the first few cutscenes when here, all of the Wii ones are shown? Explain please.
Cutscene 20
Cubot: Quit bustin my batteries!
Eggman: What does that even mean?
Use your brain, you have an IQ of 300+ and you can't figure that out? Sad.
Cutscene 21
Why is it that when the aliens leave, they're spinning? Very put on, you know.
Sonic: When I feel the ground shaking under my feet and see plumes of dust rising and rubble tumbling and aliens running for their lives, yeah, I get a bad feeling.
Uh, why don't you just run?
Sonic: So, how 'bout you and me make like Eggman's hairline and recede.
This isn't joke time Sonic. Especially not corny joke time, you're about to DIE if you don't get out of there.
Cutscene 22
Eggman: There are no lines, and I've saved the best rides for last! At least let me stamp your hand so you can come back in!
Well, Sonic explains in the next line that it is lame, but let me do the talking. Eggman, don't try to make corny-as-**** jokes infront of us. Although Sonics line "Just say you're gonna destroy us", is really lame, Sure he should be more serious, but you could've said something like this.
Sonic: Eggman, I know you're trying to be funny with the whole Amusement Park thing, but it's really lame. Maybe if you were more serious, I would consider beating you up.
Or something of the sort.
Eggman: Curse you Sonic! Not only do you foil my plans, but you foil my speeches as well! I work hard on them!
Sonic Adventure-Unleashed, saw nothing of the sort. And you want to kill your blue hedgehog enemy for, what, 19 years of pain(at the time) and all you care about is a speech? Fail, Eggman, fail. Bigger fail than Dark Gaia almost killing you.
Eggman: ...He is invincible!
No. Nothing is invincible. In your dreams, Egghead.
At least Sonic cared enough to keep Tails from pain.
Cutscene 24
(the first, CGI bit is cool)
Sonic: This might not end well!
Why doesn't he start running? The reason he almost commited suicide is because of standing there. Just run, Sonic!
Cutscene 25
the bit with the Wisps, the CGI bit is cool.
Sonic: Like you thought I wouldn't?
Duh, Sonic, you nearly died, and you think you couldn't? Idiot.
Tails: The only thing I was thinking about was getting pushed into an elevator!
Really? His best friend was on the brink of dying and he only cared about the elevator? Tails, who ARE you?
Tails: Uh, he said, "thank you for saving us"
What? Did I-
Sonic: You're welcome! Thank you for saving us!
Yacker says something.
Tails: Uh, he says "You are welcome"
Sonic: that thing's translating pretty good!
Tails: Yep, I finally got all the kinks out! We can talk to them perfectly now!
Wow, it took him 36 levels, 6 bosses, 25 WHOLE CUTSCENES, JUST to fix that translator? That really is low.
And then Yacker reveals they're leaving, which I wonder what the point of that stupid thing was for in the first place. Then Yacker leaves and eveyone rejoices. And Eggman plans revenge.
Ugh, what world created this? If you can believe it, they're bring these joksters BACK for Sonic Generations... oooh, I can't wait.
Also, the cutscenes, the ones that aren't CGI, look terrible. Some bits look too lighted up, or too shiny. The hands also seem too big, like with '06, and there are fuzzy textures that look bland. Overall, the story is good, but the cutscenes, as mentioned, are terrible as.