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Vector Detector (transcript)
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This is the transcript of the Sonic Boom episode, "Vector Detector".

[Scene: Amy's House, morning.]

Amy: [Giggly] Good morning, world. Good morning, chair. Good morning, plant. Good morning, hammer. [Amy notices the hammer mount on her wall is empty, gasping.] Hammer? Hammer!? Hammer!

[Scene change: Village Center, day.]

[Amy walks with Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Sticks]
Amy: I can't believe my hammer's gone. It's, it's who I am! It's like Sonic without his speed.
Knuckles: Or me without my fists. [Gasps] Ah! Where are they?!
Sticks: They're on your hands.
Knuckles: [Sighs in relief] Oh, oh, thank goodness. For a moment there, I was as useless as Amy without her hammer.
Sonic: Who'd want to steal your hammer anyway?
[Eggman enters, carrying a bag of groceries.]
Eggman: [Whistling] Morning, losers!
Amy: Eggman! [Points] You stole my hammer!
Eggman: If I wanted a hammer, I'd make one myself. [Grumbles] I was having such a lovely morning, and now you got me all worked up!
Sonic: So, what're you gonna do about it? Attack us?
[Scene cuts to Sonic and the group fighting Ball Bots as Eggman surveys from his Eggmobile.]
Tails: [Mimicking] "What're you gonna do about it? Attack us?!" Nice going, Sonic.
[As a Ball Bot bounces towards Amy, she swings at it as if holding her hammer.]
Amy: Hi-yah! Whoa!
[Amy spins in place helplessly, collapsing to the ground. As Knuckles punches a Ball Bot, Amy slumps in disappointment.]
Amy: Ahh! What am I supposed to do with my hands?
[Amy watches Sonic, Knuckles, and Sticks fight fluently.]
Amy: [Sullen] Knuckles was right. I am useless! [Amy cries and runs away. Sonic stares at Knuckles.]
Knuckles: What? I can't help that I'm insightful.
Sonic: Well, I guess we need to deal with this. Sorry, Egghead! Need to make this a quick one. [Sonic spin dashes into Eggman, sending him into the sky.]
Eggman: I compeletely understand!!

[Scene change: Amy's House, day.]

Sonic: Amy, your worries are over!
Knuckles: We didn't find your hammer. But, we did find this crate of hand-to-hand combat weapons.
[Knuckles drops a box containing weapons like a club and crossbow.]
Sticks: And the best part is, they're all unregistered with a serial numbers scratched off.
Amy: I appreciate your help, everyone. But, I called a professional.
[Vector slams the front door open. Perspective changes to a camcorder viewfinder.]
Vector: In this modest, some would call tragically small hobble, I, Vector the Detector, will begin my investigation of... The Case of the Missing Hammer.
Sonic: Vector? What are you doing here?
Dixon: Cut! No, no, no! You're excited that Vector's here.
Amy: Sonic, have you seen his show? He'll find my hammer for sure!
Sonic: When did you get a reality show?
Vector: When they paid me big time TV Do-Re-Mi!
[Vector's pupils spin like a cash register into dollar signs.]
Tails: You should probably see an optometrist about that.

[Scene change: Amy's House, day.]

[Perspective changes to a camcorder viewfinder.]
Vector: I'm here outside the Vic's domicile, looking for clues.
[Sonic appears.]
Sonic: I'm looking for clues, too! And I can do it fifty times faster than Vector!
[Sonic speeds around Amy's House, returning to Vector.]
Sonic: Nope, nothing. That criminal mastermind left no trace.
Vector: Yeah, no trace. Except these footprints!
[Vector points to conspicuous footprints in front of him, leading to a bush. As he inspects it, he produces a black card with a crown pictured on it.]
Sonic: A Meh Burger VIP card? I've never seen one of those before.
Vector: They're reserved for the cultural elite. We have our first clue.

[Scene change: Meh Burger, day.]

Vector: We're gonna need this palooka to name names. And unlike these soft drink cups, he ain't gonna spill easy. Time for the old Good Cop, Bad Cop routine.
Sonic: I'll play bad cop.
Vector: This is my clambake, and I always play bad cop.
Dave: Can I take your order?
[Vector presents card.]
Vector: What's the skinny on this VIP card?!
Dave: [Nervously] I don't know what you're talking about.
[Vector slaps the card into Dave's forehead, as Sonic grabs his collar.]
Sonic: My partner wants to go easy on you. He believes your little fairy tale, but something smells rotten to me.
Dave: It's Meh Burger. That's just how it smells.
[Vector smacks plates and other articles off the counter, causing Dave to acquiesce.]
Dave: [Gulps] Okay, I admit it! The Meh Burger VIP program is a sham! We just give cards out to disgruntled customers to make them feel special. Nearly everyone in town's got one.
Sonic: I don't have one.
Dave: Well somebody's gotta pay full price to offset the steep discounts everyone else is getting.

[Scene change: Amy's House, night.]

[Amy and Sticks are sparring with wooden staffs as Sonic walks in.]
Amy: How'd it go with Vector?
[Striking Amy in the head, Sticks runs off.]
Sonic: Dead end.
Amy: Aw...
Tails: Maybe a TV break will take your mind off things.
[Tails turns on the TV to the Comedy Chimp Show.]
Justin Beaver: It's a singing competition show, where I, along with the wife of an aging rock star, and some guy you've never heard of, harshly criticize regular people and crush their dreams.
Comedy Chimp: Sounds great! You know what else sounds great? Surgery without anesthesia!
[Laugh track plays.]
Comedy Chimp: I mean, I've used butter knives that weren't that dull.
[Laugh track plays.]
Comedy Chimp: I tried watching that show last night. My TV pulled the plug on itself!
[Laugh track plays.]
Justin Beaver: Whatever.
[As Beaver runs offstage, Wolf Sidekick laughs.]
Wolf Sidekick: He can dish it, but he can't take it.
Comedy Chimp: Can it, Wolfie!

[Scene change: Outside Comedy Chimp studios, day.]

[A section of the Comedy Chimp studios is marked off with crime scene tape. A small crowd has gathered.]
Beaver Policeman: [Shooing spectators] Move along! Nuttin' to see here! [Looks over shoulder.] Whoa. Look at that. Someone smashed up this Comedy Chimp sign. Hey, everyone! You gotta see this! [Runs off.]
[Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks approach.]
Sonic: Whoever did this must really hate Comedy Chimp.
Amy: [Gasps] These marks are from my hammer!
Sticks: So, your hammer's become sentient and hates hacky comedy?
Vector: That's one theory. But, my money's on Justin Beaver. After Comedy Chimp clowned him last night, the guy must've gone bananas. Which means he's the jamoke who pinched this tomato's hammer.
Sonic: That's all well-and-good Vector, but you're still missing one thing. Any evidence at all.
Vector: That's why I propose... a Stakeout!

[Scene change: Village Center, night.]

[Sonic, Vector, and a camera crew spy from some bushes.]
Sonic: We've been waiting all day! Stakeouts are never like this on TV. There's usually two lines of dialogue, and then they see their guy.
Vector: [Lowers binoculars.] Yeah, well, life's not like TV. There he is! [Raises binoculars.]
[Justin Beaver peeks outside the front door of a house, running off to the library as Fastidious Beaver lets him in.]
Sonic: It must be some kind of beaver conspiracy!
[Vector kicks open the door of the library, Sonic spin dashing behind.]
Vector: [Pointing] The jig is up Justin!
[Vector gasps at the additional sight of Mrs. Vandersnout, Zooey, and Lady Goat sitting with Fastidious Beaver at a table.]
Vector: He's taken hostages!
Mrs. Vandersnout: We're not hostages. We're a book club. We meet here every night.
Sonic: A book club?
Justin Beaver: I gotta keep it on the clandestine. Cause if my vapid fanbase discovered that I enjoy fine literature, they'd shun me. I'd be an anathema to them.
Sonic: [Holding an open book.] Hmm. His vocabulary checks out!
Vector: And so does his alibi. If he was here last night, he ain't the palooka that smashed that Comedy Chimp sign.
Dixon: Well, keep your chins up. Tomorrow, we'll go back to the original crime scene. See if we can't find another clue.

[Scene change: Amy's House, day.]

[Sonic, Vector, Dixon, and a camera crew are outside Amy's House, searching.]
Dixon: Vector, I found something!
[Dixon points to a pie with its center missing.]
Vector: This must've been the ganup's vantage point. He was chowing down on this pie, while waiting to cop that doll's hammer.
Sonic: But, who eats a pie from the middle?
Vector: I don't know. But, while you were flapping your gums, I formulated a foolproof plan to find out.

[Scene change: Village Square, day.]

[Sonic and Vector stand before a long table covered in pies as a small crowd looks on.]
Sonic: [Unconvinced] A Pie Festival?
Vector: Now, all we gotta do is see which one of these jokers eats their pie from the middle out.
[A sequence plays of characters eating pies, stacking pans as Sonic and Vector look on with disappointment.]

[Scene change: Village Square, night.]

Sonic: [Groaning] Great idea, Vector. That Pie Festival was a bust. Only thing we learned is that our villagers ignore tip jars.
Vector: I didn't see you coming up with anything, Furball!
Sonic: Who you calling furball, Leatherhead?
[As Sonic and Vector stare each other down, a television behind them broadcasts the Comedy Chimp Show.]
Comedy Chimp: Now, Wolfie. I noticed you weren't at the big Pie Festival today. We didn't want you to miss out, so, blah! [Throws a pie into Wolf Sidekick's face. As Sidekick removes it, the center resembles the pie found earlier. Vector smirks.]

[Scene change: Comedy Chimp studios, day.]

[On set, Vector speaks to Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Sticks, Comedy Chimp, Wolf Sidekick, Dixon, Beaver Policeman, Wolf Policeman, and his camera crew.]
Vector: Let's look at the clues. Who has a Meh Burger VIP card, a grudge against Comedy Chimp, and, is continuously hit in the face with pies?
Knuckles: [Excitedly] Old Monkey!
Vector: No. The real culprit is somebody with a hacky prop comedy routine, who could utilize an oversized hammer. [Points] Wolverton D. Sidekick!
Wolf Sidekick: Hey-oh! [Flatly] Wait, what?
[Vector opens a prop chest, producing Amy's hammer.]
Amy: My hammer!
[Giggling with excitement, Amy darts to hug Vector.]
Sonic: Ugh...
[Wolf Sidekick is grabbed by police, dragged towards the studio exit.]
Wolf Sidekick: No, I didn't steal anything! Okay, maybe that joke about airplane food. But I'd never do this!
[Amy swings her hammer contently, turning to Vector.]
Amy: Oh, thank you, so, so, so, so much! Nothing could replace my hammer. It's One-of-a-Kind!
[Vector appears regretful.]

[Time lapse: Comedy Chimp studios, day]

Dixon: Great job, Vector!
Vector: Yeah, but something that skirt said has been rattling my chain. [Pacing] Her hammer is "One-of-a-Kind". Why would he steal something for his routine that's so easily recognizable?
Dixon: Vec, baby, you did good! You got the guy. Let it go!

[Scene change: Sonic's Shack, day]

[Vector knocks at the entrance. Sonic approaches, groggy.]
Sonic: Vector! Where's your camera crew?
Vector: Thing's got a little dodgy and I'm flying solo. This thing goes much deeper than I thought. I need your help, Mac.
[An opening sequence to Vector's reality show plays.]
Voice over: Now, back to the thrilling conclusion of The Case of the Missing Hammer.
[Vector and Sonic stand outside a house through the perspective of a camcorder viewfinder.]
Vector: Amy's Hammer. Found. By me. But! Was the wolf really the culprit? Or, was he a patsy? With the help of Sonic the Hedgehog, we're about to find out!
Sonic: All clues pointed to Justin Beaver. But, when he had an alibi, the clues mysteriously shifted to Wolf Sidekick.
Vector: So, who had a grudge against Justin, and access to Wolf Sidekick's prop chest?
[Vector and Sonic knock on the door. Dixon answers.]
Dixon: Hey, you're not the pizza guy!
Sonic: Dixon was the hammer thief! He has a Meh Burger VIP card, as well as a motive to frame Justin Beaver.
Vector: After his failed singing career, Justin eighty-sixed Dixon as his manager.
Sonic: But when Justin's alibi checked out, he had to frame somebody else! As a TV producer, he had access to the studio, and planted the hammer in Wolf Sidekick's prop chest.
Vector: Whaddya gotta say for yourself, ya mug?!
[Dixon looks around uncomfortably before running off, yelling. Amy cuts him off.]
Amy: Pizza's here, Dixon! And it comes with extra justice.
[Dixon is dragged away by police. Vector turns to Sonic.]
Vector: Looks like we make a pretty good team after all. We nabbed the real crook, and nobody got hurt.

[Scene change: Jail, day]

[Wolf Sidekick sulks from inside a jail cell.]
Wolf Sidekick: Hello? Don't I get a phone call, or something? [Dejected] Hi-oh.
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